When Lucas slows down and I don’t fear toppling from the boat, I take out my camera. For a while we’re both quiet as I take pictures. The lake is even more beautiful from the middle of it all.
At the center of the lake, Lucas cuts the engine and plops next to me. I have a hawk in my viewfinder, tracking it as it arcs across the vivid sky. After I press the shutter, I sit back in my seat and take in the scenery.
“It’s really pretty out here.”
“Yeah.”
“It must have been nice growing up with this as your backyard.”
Lucas hums, absently playing with my hair. Lancelot leaps onto the bench and settles between us. I pet Lancelot’s ears as Lucas stretches his arm behind me.
Everything about him seems to melt into a serene state out here. His legs fall open and his face loses the tension. I didn’t realize it lingered around the sides of his mouth and the corners of his eyes until it dropped away.
I think this lake might be his happy place.
It’s much more relaxing out here with the three of us rather than the party environment back at his house. My erratic demons—the memories that haunt me—retreat to the shadows of my mind.
We sit in a surprisingly comfortable silence as nature surrounds us, birds chirping in the trees, fish and frogs swimming in the water, a distant coyote calling early for the approaching dusk.
Lucas sinks his fingers in my hair and my eyelids flutter when he combs through the strands, massaging my scalp.
“What will you do after school?”
The question startles me out of a peaceful trance.
“College. With photography there're degrees, but I don’t know what I want my focus to be. I like landscapes and the tranquility of waiting for the moment.”
Lucas hums in acknowledgement, returning his hand to my hair. More thoughts spill forth before I’ve decided if it’s okay to tell him or not.
“I also like taking pictures of people. But I don’t think I want to direct them—fashion and studio portraits don’t really speak to me. I enjoy watching and holding out for the right moment…the right emotion.”
“So you’ll try out a bunch of different things to find what feels like the right choice for you?”
I shrug. “I guess so. It’ll be cool to intern with a news outlet to cover marches and protests, or maybe I can network with local wildlife photographers. Who knows, maybe I’ll end up shooting for NatGeo.”
A laugh leaves me in a huff at my ambition.
“Either that, or you could end up as a seasonal photographer for a mall Santa.”
I smack Lucas in the chest without any heat. He snatches my hand and holds it to his lips.
“God, I hope not. The mall near my old house in Colorado Springs makes the photographers dress up like elves.”
“I bet you’d look cute in red and white striped tights.”
Lucas smirks and trails his eyes over me.
I shove at him and he curls his arms around my shoulders to hold me closer as he messes with my hair.
“Have you always taken pictures?”
Lucas tightens his hand in my hair for a moment after asking, then releases it along with a strained exhale.
“Well, not always. I’ve enjoyed pictures since I was a kid. My parents got me this toy disposable camera one year,” I explain, shaking my head with a wry smile when I remember the abstract shots I came across when I packed up my room to prepare for our move. “But I only got into it more seriously in the last couple of years. It wasn’t something I’d given much thought to, other than the camera app on my phone during family vacations or selfies. Then…”
I trail off for a second, not ready to fully admit to him how healing photography was for me after Matt and that party. Photography allowed me to remove myself from a situation while still experiencing it. I can capture what happens without being involved.
It’s a safe barrier between me and the world around me.