Stevie drops his fork, and I think I’ve overstepped.
“No way! That would be so cool!” Stevie jumps from his seat and wraps me in a hug. I pat his back, laughing.
“What’s all this excitement about? I couldn’t sleep anymore,” Kathleen’s tired voice asks. She spots the breakfast. “Wow, that smells amazing.”
She stands in the doorway, rubbing at her big, green eyes that are still hazy with sleep. Her hair is wild and wavy down her back, and her skin is pale. Her cheeks are pink with sleep wrinkles. She’s wearing a big T-shirt that was once mine, and I wonder if she has on any shorts underneath. I clear my throat.
“Here’s some breakfast for you,” I tell her, dragging a hand over her hip as she passes by. I hand her a plate filled with food. “You need to eat something.”
“Eddie is going to get me a big TV, Kat!” Stevie shouts, throwing himself onto his sister in a big bear hug. He grins back at me as he turns back to the TV.
She laughs, nearly dropping her plate as she sits down. She looks at me curiously, with her dark brows furrowed and her pale hair glimmering.
“A big TV?” Kathleen asks me skeptically. “What does that even mean, Eddie?”
Stevie is already in the living room, engrossed in a cartoon show.
“I was thinking we could move him into the spare room, and it could be his. Maybe we can go today and get stuff for him. We can make a day of it and maybe go to an apple farm.” I try to keep my tone light, I don’t want to overstep.
She’s staring at me when I look up, and there’s an unreadable look on her pretty face. Her eyes glitter, and she swallows hard, covering her mouth with her hand.
“Kat? Are you alright there?” I ask her, worried now that I’ve said something wrong and maybe I’ve upset her. Maybe she doesn’t like apples or something?
“Eddie,” she says, shaking her head. “This is too much, but thank you so much.”
After we leave the apartment later in the morning, I can’t help but feel so damn happy with the way things are going for me. The sky is as clear and turquoise blue as an ocean, a stark contrast to the fire-orange leaves of the trees.
A chilly wind cuts across the open car window. Even the days are getting cold now, not just the nights, as October inches further along and we’re getting that much closer to Halloween. I can tell that Kathleen likes it, and she seems happier.
Somehow, even after the hayride and the apple picking at the apple farm, Kathleen has managed to persuade Stevie and me on a further outing to get pumpkins for making jack-o-lanterns later. I can’t say I don’t want to do it too. This kind of outing is something I’ve always wanted for myself.
In the back of the car, there’s a new bed cover with dinosaurs and a brand spanking new TV with Stevie’s name on it. On his feet, there are brand new white sneakers. Those seem to make Kathleen the proudest.
Every time she looks at the shoes I grabbed for him while we were in the city, she looks as if she wants to eat me right up. I can’t really say I would be opposed to it.
It blows my mind that only a few days ago I had a strip club dropped on me I didn’t want, and now here I am, on my way to pick pumpkins with my ex-best friend’s daughter.
I wonder what Harlan would say if he knew. Maybe I don’t want to think about what he would say.
I feel so very tired when I think about it. If this thing with us goes somewhere, what will she tell her father? What will I tell him?
Then I look over at Kathleen in the passenger seat as her eyes light up when the pumpkin patch comes into view, and then to Stevie as his face crinkles up in his excitement, and it starts to feel a little less ridiculous to me as I think about it.
Stevie sprints ahead of us into the field full of the giant orange pumpkins arranged as if they have been thrown about randomly in the absence of the plants they grew from. His bright eyes and cheeks rosy around his wide grin cause Kathleen smiles. He looks happier than I have ever seen him before.
Kathleen points at one of the middle-sized pumpkins in the middle of the field, and Stevie runs excitedly over to it right away, patting its surface with his hands.
Jumping this way and that, her brother jovially looks around from pumpkin to pumpkin, delighted by his multitude of choices. He isn’t the only one. Many other children run around the little field searching for their perfect pumpkin. It’s like a scene out of a postcard, drenched in autumn.
I promise myself then and there that when I have kids, I'll always be there. I’ll be the one that is excited at any chance to spend time with my children. Hopefully, this vision includes the woman walking at my side, holding my hand forever.
Kathleen is breathing in the autumn air, looking peaceful as I trail to a stop next to her. She thrives in this sort of environment, and I make a note to take her out more.
I do try not to look at her too much, at least when I’m supposed to be keeping an eye on Stevie, but my eyes always seem to come back to her, and Stevie is close enough that I can hear him well.
Kathleen looks gorgeous today in her deep red peacoat, the high collar of her thick sweater just visible there and keeping her warm from the chill. Her hair is loose down her back, brushed smooth and whirling in the soft wind. She’s wearing a short wool skirt and soft-looking light brown tights too.
Her hands are open and by her sides. It appears like she’s waiting for the chance to dip her hands into the grass or grab the pumpkins. She looks as if she belongs out here in the peak of autumn, situated amongst the leaves and covered in the crisp, chilly wind.