I was too far gone for more memories to find me. Too twisted to let echoes pull me back. But in some shred of rationality, a voice entered my ears with warning.
Not Della’s or mine, but Cassie’s.
Protection.
The night I’d lost my virginity. The night I’d learned about condoms and STIs and unwanted pregnancies. Thanks to that lesson, I’d never slept with a woman without a condom. It was paramount. It was law.
Christ.
It took every strength, and then some I borrowed from the devil himself, to step back. “Shit, we can’t do this.”
“What? Why?”
Pinching the bridge of my nose, I did my best to swallow back hot, hungry rage. The rage that very much wanted to forget about the rules and take her anyway. “We don’t have protection. I didn’t bring any.”
What was I thinking?
Why did I forget something so important—almost as if I’d banished the very idea of sleeping with her, believing it would never happen no matter how much I wanted it to.
I’d done this deliberately, even if I denied my moronic logic.
Della blinked calculatingly, holding up her hand. A single condom rested in her palm. “I did.”
“Where did you get that?”
“Does it matter?”
I ought to feel absolute horror that my last attempt at ensuring this was right had just been eradicated. But all I felt was relief. Sheer, indescribable relief.
It was the final straw.
The last hint to show I was ready.
So, so ready.
I dropped my hand, giving her a grateful smirk. “Thank fuck for that.”
She laughed unexpectedly, her lips spread over perfect teeth. “Even if we didn’t, I wouldn’t have been able to stop. Not now.”
“Me neither.”
“Good.”
“God, you’ve made me hard.”
She sucked in a breath. “And now you’ve just made me even wetter.”
If I thought the forest was quiet before, watching us shed away every shackle we’d imposed, I was wrong.
Now the trees vanished, the river disappeared, and all I saw was Della. We’d just been graphically honest, yet a joke mixed present with past, making me chuckle under my breath. “Thank everything holy, I taught you to always be prepared.”
Her laugh turned to a breathy moan. “Ren…if you don’t touch me soon, I’m going to combust.”
I lowered my head, watching her with half-hooded eyes. “I like seeing you like this.”
“Like what?”
“Desperate.”
She took another step. “So, so desperate.”
“You have no idea how filthy my thoughts have become.”
“If they’re anything like mine, I have some idea.”
“Fuck, Della.” I balled my hands, matching her step with one of my own. “Is this real? Are we really going to do this? It isn’t another dream? Because I’ve dreamed of this. So many times.”
“Touch me and find out.”
My hand raised, crossing the final distance, tingling with intensity to touch the one girl I’d loved forever.
I’d always known Della was special. But what I hadn’t known was every year I fought to keep her safe, I was ultimately protecting every dream I’d ever had. I’d had the privilege of raising her, but really, I’d been creating a future I’d never be able to deserve. Every winter snowstorm and summer rain shower, forest adventure and paddock picnic had all been leading to this.
I’d been searching for something all my life, and it had been under my nose the entire time.
Her.
My past, present, and future.
The only path I could have taken.
It wasn’t a choice anymore.
It had never been a choice.
I stumbled toward her as she stumbled toward me, both starving for touch. Even before my fingers landed on her arm, they stung with electricity so sharp it crackled between us.
Our eyes locked as I whispered, “If we do this, it’s no longer just a fantasy.”
“I know.”
“We do this, and everything changes. Forever.”
“I know.”
“If I touch you, I’ll never be able to stop.”
“God, touch me then.” Her eyes fell shut as we met in the middle of the small clearing.
Having her that close undid me to the point of forgetting everything else.
I didn’t care about the repercussions anymore.
I’d literally exhausted myself to the point of not being able to fight.
There was nothing to fight against…only something to fight for.
“Open your eyes, Della.” I growled as the savage part of me licked its lips for what it was about to taste.
I was seconds away from giving her every disgusting sin I’d lived with. I needed her to understand that by tempting me this way, I would no longer have any control.
Her eyelids fluttered upward, her gaze heavy and heated.
We stared into each other, stripping ourselves bare.
“Tell me to stop,” I begged. Even on the cusp of no return, I pleaded for salvation.
“I can’t.” She bit her lip, looking me up and down with such pain-filled greed, my belly clenched. “I’ll never be able to do that.”
Everything about me burned. On fire. Seconds away from erupting into fury. “You’ve always pushed me. Forever tested me.”
“And you’ve always indulged me. Forever protected me,” she breathed shallowly, her gaze locking onto my lips. “I’m sick of you protecting me.”