“You know that’s not what I meant.”
“Do I? You’re the one getting mad at me for being honest.” Once again, our romantic moment spiralled into a fight.
Were we always destined to clash?
I didn’t remember fighting this much before. I didn’t like it then, and I despised it now. But I wouldn’t bow to her temper. No matter how much my body agreed with her to get it over with.
Sex between us shouldn’t be a ‘get it over with’ kind of thing. It should be the best fucking thing in the world.
My anger swirled hotter, annoyed she couldn’t see that sleeping with her was something I never believed I could have. It was the one thing I didn’t feel worthy of. The one gift I didn’t know how to take. And to have her give me permission so flippantly, well, it hurt.
It killed, actually.
She cheapened it when I wanted it to mean so much.
“You said you’d be patient,” I said coldly.
“I did. But I also said I’d be frustrated.” She sighed again, looking up at the purple slashed sky as if beseeching perseverance. “God, I’m sorry, Ren. I promised myself I wouldn’t do this, yet here I am making a mess of everything again.” Her voice softened, regret tightening her eyes. “You call yourself selfish…but look at me.” She chuckled a little. “Okay, you need more time. How much time?”
“I don’t know.”
“But it won’t happen tonight?”
“No.” I shook my head firmly. “It won’t.”
“Can’t blame a girl for trying.” Her shoulders slouched. “Ugh, I’m being a bitch.” Rubbing her face, she moaned, “Forgive me, Ren. I don’t know what came over me. I just…I thought we’d come out here, and I dunno…act like a pair of bunnies.” She shrugged with a roll of her eyes. “I should’ve known it wouldn’t be that easy. I even understand why it’s not that easy, so just put this moment of weakness down to the fact that I’m madly in love with you, and it’s taking everything I have to keep my hands to myself.”
I laughed quietly. “Madly, huh?”
“Completely.” She smiled shyly. “Utterly. Totally.”
“I’m madly in love with you, too.”
“Now you’re just teasing me.”
A small smile tilted my lips, glad our fight had vanished, leaving us drained but connected. “There’s plenty of time for that. Teasing. Kissing. Fucking. I’m not going anywhere, and neither are you.”
“Well, a girl only has so much patience before she goes a little crazy.”
“You’re already crazy. Crazy for me.” Moving closer, I pulled her into another hug, loving the familiar simplicity, grateful she swooned into me. “Believe me, Little Ribbon, this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Saying no to you when you’re so damn beautiful and willing? God, it’s pure agony.” I nudged her chin up with my knuckles, staring deep into her eyes. “But when I take you, Della. I want my mind to be clear. I want to be with you, not the past. I want to fully accept us, not feel torn between right and wrong.”
Kissing her softly, I murmured against her lips, “When I’m inside you, Della Wild, I want to only have one thought, and that’s how much I fucking love you.”
She sighed into our kiss, snuggling closer. “When you say things like that, I can be patient. For just a little longer.”
And she was.
For a few more days, at least.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
REN
* * * * * *
2018
SEVEN DAYS SHE gave me.
One week to accept the unacceptable and change our entire relationship.
We didn’t end up swimming that night; the river was too shallow, but we did manage to bathe and wash a few pieces of clothing. Although I wasn’t ready to sleep with her, it didn’t stop my eyes from roaming over every inch as she soaked herself in the swift current.
I’d stupidly blocked myself from finding the best pleasure in the world, but I clung to the hope that when I finally did let go, it would be entirely worth it.
That night, we slept in just our underwear, sandwiched together in the tent, nuzzling and kissing as if we’d always been so close. I loved that each time we kissed, it was a little easier, my mind a little quieter, my heart a little less confused.
In the morning, as we packed up our camp and headed back on the trail, I grabbed her and pressed her against a tree. My hands roamed to her breasts as I kissed her hard, driving myself against her, drowning with a sudden crippling need to take.
Her moan snapped me out of what I’d done purely by instinct.
Backing up, I waited to be persecuted beneath memories of Della as a baby and Della as a child. But…nothing came.
No sick sensation. No regret. Only awareness that, for the first time, it’d felt perfectly normal to grab and manhandle her because I wanted to, and she was mine.