She caught me studying the two pods and huffed painfully under her breath. “Don’t worry. I have my own sleeping bag this time; you don’t have to sleep so close to me.”
Ripping a tawny-coloured bag with highlighter pink zippers from her backpack, she ducked under the tent awning and threw herself into the left wing.
I stood there wondering what the hell happened and how the fuck it all went so wrong.
I hated that we’d had yet another fight, but that wasn’t new. Our tempers always seemed to ignite around each other. But the fact that she’d curled up tight, fully clothed and hurting made me wince because she was right.
I’d been wrapped up in myself once again. She was Della. She was the reason I was alive—the sole purpose for why I’d been placed on this earth: to protect, cherish, and care for.
And I’d just made her upset.
Again.
Moving our belongings away from the fire and placing the pasta back into its pouch, I bent and undid my laces before kicking off my boots. I didn’t strip anything else. Not my belt, socks—nothing.
If I did this, I needed to be fully clothed.
Tonight was not the night we fell into sex. Neither of us were ready.
Unfurling my own sleeping bag, I crawled into the centre pod, unzipped it and spread it over the two yoga mats I’d brought with us. Once it was flat, I reached into the wing where Della lay curled up tight and grabbed her ankles.
“Hey!” She squirmed as I yanked her through the small alcove and into the main one. “Let go.”
Ignoring her, I didn’t stop until she lay beside me, then unzipped her sleeping bag, all while my eyes burned into hers, daring her to stop me.
I kind of wanted her to stop me. I wanted her to hit me because I deserved to be hit. I wanted her to curse me because I warranted being cursed. But most of all, I wanted her to fight because if she did, I could fight back and release some of the hissing lust in my veins.
Almost as if she sensed how close I was to snapping, she stopped wriggling as I rolled her out of the warmth, smoothed the now-open bag on top of us, pushed her onto her side facing away from me, then lashed my arm around her waist and yanked her firmly into my front.
The moment her solid, familiar weight kissed mine, I groaned under my breath.
Right.
Wrong.
Home.
Pulling her as close as I could, I didn’t hide the fact that I was hard, shaking, and fighting the hardest I’d ever had to fight not to tear her clothes off and teach her a lesson for a change.
A lesson about me.
A lesson about how much I wanted her.
She moved in my embrace, and for a dreadful second, I thought she was trying to get away, but then she moaned softly and pressed her hips deeper into mine.
My fingers dug into her flat stomach as I buried my nose in her hair.
I couldn’t stop myself from rocking into her, allowing that one element of sex to manifest where I thrust fully clothed, hinting that in that moment, the way I liked it was torturously slow and tormentingly erotic.
She shivered as I nuzzled her ear, breathing hotly. “Don’t run away from me again, Della. Got it?”
She brought her arm up, her fingers threading in the hair at the bottom of my neck. “Only if you promise the same.”
Nipping at her earlobe, I grumbled, “Never. Whether this works or not, I’m not going anywhere. You have my word.”
CHAPTER NINETEEN
DELLA
* * * * * *
2018
THEY SAY LOVE can be the worst test of all.
I tend to agree with them.
First, Ren left me.
Then he came back for me.
Second, Ren stalked me.
Then he told me he loved me.
Third, Ren told me to pack and leave.
Then he warned he needed more time.
My heart…wow, it had been given its every wish and fantasy in one painfully, truth-filled argument, only to be told to press the pause button.
I hope you don’t mind me scribbling this in a notebook instead of on my laptop—I sold it, you see. I wiped it clean and got a couple of hundred dollars for it from a fellow student. No point bringing it with no socket to charge and a backpack already heavy with important things.
Not sure why I’m writing, really.
Then again, what’s happening between Ren and me is all so new, I want to keep some structure in my life, and writing things down is it.
After a manic couple of days getting rid of the things I had at David’s, cutting off utilities, and assuring Natty and David that I knew what I was doing, I’d believed the test would be over.
I thought stepping into the forest would be our fresh start.