She laughed as we slowed to a walk, rubbing her large breasts with a grimace. “These girls have been handy in the romance department, but holy shit, they hurt when riding.”
I blushed a little, looking at my flat chest. “I don’t have that problem.”
She smirked, eyeing me. “Don’t worry. Now that your periods have started, your breasts will grow almost overnight.”
“Really?”
“Yup.” She nodded wisely. “I went from surfboard to D’s. My dad was horrified when Mum took me shopping, and I came back with bras bigger than hers.”
I laughed under my breath, picturing all the upcoming trials of my life. Bras and tampons and girly stuff that I didn’t want Ren knowing about.
We rode a bit more before I had the courage to ask. “Do the boys mind your…eh. When you’re on your period, um…”
She raised her eyebrow. “Spit it out. I won’t tell anyone, and you can’t shock me. You should know that by now.”
“Okay.” I sat taller in my saddle. “Do boys care about periods? Like when you kiss them and stuff?”
“You mean can you have sex while on your period?”
My face flared.
I didn’t know if that was what I meant, but I nodded so I didn’t look stupid.
“I guess. I mean, some do. It’s not exactly fun. But some boys aren’t squeamish. It’s natural, after all. Not our fault we bleed once a month.”
I pouted. “Once a month is too often.”
“I agree.” Cassie sighed. “It does get in the way of some things, but tampons are great if you want to go swimming and stuff. And to be fair, a boy will normally stay clear ’cause of your mood swings, not just the blood.”
“Does Ren stay clear of your mood swings?”
She laughed. “He seems to stay clear of me a lot these days.” The sad wisp in her voice made me wince, partly because I was glad he avoided her and partly because I pitied her, because once you’d been graced by Ren’s affection, it was hard to have it taken away.
“I do miss him, but I’m with Chip, and things are going well, so I guess I can’t be greedy.”
Greed.
That sneaky little sin again.
Questions exploded in my mind. Questions like ‘Am I greedy wanting things like what you have? What is it like? Is Ren a good kisser? How often did you do it?’
But each one of those questions was guaranteed to rip out my heart and leave it in the hoof prints of my horse.
I swallowed them down, only for Cassie to somehow sense them and blurt, “I have no one else to talk to about him. I’ve never told my friends that I’ve been with Ren because I didn’t want them thinking he was available, and I didn’t want the news getting back to my parents. But…” She flashed me a pained look. “I really like him. Like…I think I might be in love with him. Stupid, right?” She laughed and sighed at the same time. “When he’s with me, he gives me his full attention, but getting him to that stage…it’s hard work. It’s like there’s always something else on his mind, stealing his heart.” She glowered at the reins in her hands. “Almost as if he’s searching for something else, and I’m not it.”
I sat deathly silent in my saddle.
Not even the sway of Domino’s steady walk or the increasing ache between my legs now that the painkillers had worn off could distract me from the bitter sweetness of finally getting answers I’d begged for all while hoping I didn’t get anymore.
“Have you kissed a boy, Della?”
I sucked in a gasp even as my head answered for me with a sharp shake, lying.
She smiled. “I envy you. That first kiss is the best.”
“I…I kissed Liam once.”
“Did you?! Oh, my God!” She burst out laughing. “Oh, wait. Is that when Mum got super mad and made Liam recite every body part so he knew what each did?” She laughed harder. “That’s too funny.”
I hunched. “I didn’t find it funny. It wasn’t good, and his worm…I mean…anyway.” I shrugged. “I want to kiss someone soon. I’m a woman now. I should know what it feels like.”
She flicked her plait over her shoulder, her ribbon fluttering like mine in the breeze. “Well, my suggestion is to kiss someone you love with all your heart. Don’t settle for a cheap thrill. Save it for the person who means the world to you.”
That advice, right there…did you see it?
Did you understand what my young foolish heart heard?
If you didn’t…you soon will.
Cassie continued, “Sex isn’t something to be done with just anyone, you know? You have to trust them impeccably. Love them. Want them. Believe in them. Know that they will never hurt you and always have your back. Okay?”
I nodded, still obsessing over her previous advice on who to kiss.