No other kiss compared.
No other intimate moment existed.
This simple faultless, guiltless, sinless kiss was everything.
My hands came up, seeking to touch, to stroke, to claim.
My fingers met long, soft hair.
I opened my mouth to deepen the virginal affection.
But then a noise interrupted the purity.
A sound that wrenched me from the dream world, yanked me off my knees, and hurled me into an existence that was no longer fantasy but pure fucking hell.
Della bent over me in the gloom of our bedroom. Her hair was tangled in my fist, lips wet from mine, eyes as wide as blue moons, and her face as gorgeous as untouched snow.
No.
“Stop!” I shoved her away, my fingers burning as if I’d touched acid, my mouth twisting as if I’d ingested poison.
She stumbled backward, landing on her ass between our two single beds. Her nightgown rose up her legs, flashing me white underwear and cream-colored thighs.
I almost retched.
What the hell happened?
My body trembled so bad, I scrambled twice for my sheets before I was able to tear them away and leap out of bed. Standing over her, I gripped my hair with terrified hands, and barked with horrified rage, “What the fuck do you think you were doing?”
How could I do this?
How could I sleep through something so sick and twisted and wrong?
How could she do this?
What the hell happened?
“Della! Speak to me!”
I was a trapped animal wanting to slaughter something for having the one person I loved more than anything be the entire reason I’d just lost everything.
Pacing before her, I had to get out of there before I did something I’d regret.
Wrenching open the door, I bolted into the stable and charged down the barn.
The scramble of feet and the flurry of mistake chased me. “Ren!”
I spun and swooped on her, grabbing her bicep, digging my fingernails in as hard as I could. She’d fucking gutted me. If I hurt her half as much, it still wouldn’t be enough.
“Why?” I roared. “Why did you fucking have to do that?!”
Tears sprouted from her eyes. She tried to hold my gaze but couldn’t match my fury. She stared at my bare chest as rivers spilled down her cheeks. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I-I don’t know what I was thinking.”
I shook her. “You weren’t thinking. That was the problem.” I wanted an explanation. I needed it. Now. Before I went insane.
Was she sleep-walking? Was it involuntary? Perhaps a dare or something just as stupid but understandable thanks to teenage guts and idiotic attempts.
Shoving her away, I wiped my hands on my pants, desperate to get rid of the feel of her. The chilliness of her arms reminded me she’d stood over me, fucking kissing me, instead of snug and innocent in her bed. I rubbed my mouth, mad with the need to delete her golden taste.
I wanted to vomit.
I should stick my fingers down my throat and retch all over the cobblestones because that was the only way to get the devil out from inside me.
Della collapsed on the floor, her hands fisting her nightgown, her face bowed behind curtains of blonde.
She sobbed.
She begged.
And I couldn’t do a damn thing.
I couldn’t console her even though every tear cracked open my ribcage and took a pitchfork to my bleeding heart.
I couldn’t hug her even though her quaking shoulders buckled my knees and ordered me to fall before her.
I couldn’t do anything I would normally do because she’d just ruined everything normal.
Sudden tears filled my own eyes.
Shock and horror and the knowledge that we could never sleep in the same room.
That we could never return to age of innocence after this.
That it was over.
All of it.
“You ruined everything, Little Ribbon.” My voice broke. “Everything.”
She nodded furiously, gulping back tears, tripping over herself to explain. “I’m sorry. Cassie and I were talking about kissing, and I said I’d never been kissed, and I just thought about you and how much I love you and how nice it would be to share my first kiss with someone I love and how I know you’d never hurt me and I just wanted to know. I wanted to know, Ren. I’m sorry!” She crawled toward me, her white nightgown growing grey with dust and dirt. “I’m so sorry! It was wrong. I won’t do it again. I promise. Please…please say you’ll forgive me. Please!”
She reached for my ankles just as the barn door swung wide, and Cassie strode inside with her arms wrapped around her pink dressing gown and her hair mussed from sleep. “I heard noises. What happened?” Her gaze landed on Della collapsed before me, then to me with a rogue tear decorating my cheek and the aura of brokenness littered around us.
Della’s sobs turned louder as she buried her face in her hands. “No! Go away! You ruined everything!”
Cassie’s face, normally so trusting and up for anything, turned black with suspicion. “What did you do, Ren?”