“Damn fucking right I do. I could lose myself.”
“Lose yourself in me?”
“Yes, of course, in you. My heart in you, my cock in you. Fucking everything.”
“I won’t let that happen if you keep me.”
“No.”
“Fulfil your promise to make me buy myself from you. Make me strong by making me worthy.” I didn’t say how much I wanted him to touch me again or that I was open to another kiss and tentative exploration of things I’d been trained to hate. Human contact no longer repulsed me; I was just wary. He’d shown me not all men had brutality on their minds when it came to sex.
I wanted to know what was on his mind.
I wanted him to show me.
Because only then could I be free. Be human. Be a woman and not this terrified prisoner.
“I won’t do that.” He shook his head. “We’re sailing to port. I’ll do my best to find your mother, and once I do, I’ll take you home. I’ll do what I should’ve done the moment I found you.”
He sighed heavily, glancing at the grey twilight where once there’d been a spectacular sunset. “Once you’re back with those you trust, we’re saying goodbye, and I’m leaving. For good.”
Chapter Five
______________________________
Elder
GODDAMMIT. EVERY TIME I went near her, I ended up doing something I regretted.
First the kiss and then telling her about my plan to free her?
I hadn’t even finalised what I would do, yet somehow, I’d itemised everything just because she undermined my self-control.
I needed the words to shove her away from me. To be my shield against her.
All this time, she’d avoided me—gone out of her way to prevent touch or talk. But now she chased me. She kissed me. She fought me when I promised to give her what she’d wanted all along.
Why?
I paced away, moving toward the bridge. I didn’t care if she followed me; I just needed a few seconds alone to man the fuck up and get myself straight.
The fact she’d spoken to me in sentence strings and not half halts, or even that she’d kissed me regardless of what I’d done wasn’t what shocked me the most. It was the fact she’d argued against me freeing her.
Had I been wrong about her desires this entire time? Wasn’t freedom something a prisoner craved? Or had the worst finally happened where she was more comfortable in a master’s cage than she could ever be in wide open spaces with no one to dictate her life?
I raked both hands through my hair as I reached the middle of the ship and headed toward the barrier protecting the deck from the ocean. Slightly out of breath from my fast stalk, I forced myself to breathe deep and slow, to tame the chaotic urges building inside me.
The sea glittered with greys and blacks, giving way to the moon.
Something scuffed behind me. I looked over my shoulder.
Christ, I couldn’t get away from her. By embracing her voice, she’d grown unbelievably strong. Stronger than I could’ve hoped or expected but now it pissed me off because what she wanted didn’t line up with what I did.
I’m in fucking charge, not her.
It didn’t matter I’d taken her against her will or announced I would send her packing now she was healthy. She chased me down, her hands balled with determination, her hair flicking around her in the breeze.
Her cheeks glowed, lips pursed, and the light in her eyes cast full of intolerant shadows. She swallowed, grimacing a little against whatever pain she felt from using her voice. “Elder—”
“What do you want, Pim?” I tore my gaze from her to the endless horizon. A horizon that didn’t judge or ridicule. A vista that never changed—no matter if I was good or bad. “Tonight is not a good night for talking.”
Nor is any night I keep you close and can’t have you.
My hand snuck into my pocket, tracing the line of the joint I’d hid there. I’d rolled it a few hours ago but had yet to fail enough to smoke it. My thoughts were ragged but not uncontrollable. Not yet at least. But if Pim kept hounding me, I’d struggle, I’d cave, and then we’d both be fucked.
“I want to—” She coughed. “We need—”
“Sir?” A female servant with a black ponytail crept up behind Pim. “Sorry to interrupt but dinner is ready.”
Pim smiled at her before tucking her chin respectfully. She didn’t speak to the maid as if saving her voice for me.
I couldn’t deny that affected me. That I didn’t love that her answers and questions were all mine.
Fuck.
“Thank you.” I pushed off the railing and strode past Pim. Despite Selix setting up this sham of a date, I didn’t want to have dinner. I didn’t want to sit and stare and wish and want. I didn’t want to fight with her over doing the right thing. But I couldn’t send her away.