If I didn’t have Pim beneath me, crying my name, coming….If I didn’t find a way to control myself before tonight…
Shit.
“What?” I barked. “What do you want?”
He didn’t flinch at my outburst, merely gave me a smug smile. “The team is ready to be briefed about your amendments.”
“Great.”
Just fucking great.
I had to go to a meeting and discuss logistics while my mind couldn’t stop thinking about Pim and my cock hadn’t got the memo to stop being so damn hard.
I brushed past him, subtly rearranging my hard-on. Getting rid of it while Pim still danced upon my thoughts would be impossible.
This was all her fault for showing up at my quarters last night. Looking so brave, so tempting. She’d flipped the tables and somehow made me be the one in need of comfort.
I didn’t like it.
I didn’t like the way she’d watched me with newfound courage and lust shining in her eyes. I hadn’t wanted to talk. I hadn’t wanted anything to do with her. Yet she just kept pushing.
She did something she should never have fucking done.
She showed me she wanted me for herself. She convinced me that my touch was no longer abhorrent and my kiss was no longer a sin. She let me press her onto the bed. She let me—
Christ, man.
She’s just a girl.
A girl you need to stay the hell away from if you value all the control you’ve fought for.
That task would’ve been easier if she was just a girl—if she still watched me with terror. I could’ve ignored the throb to take her if I knew it would hurt her. Now, she invited me. She made it seem as if I hurt her by refusing her.
She made me believe that I could have her one more time and everything would be okay. That I wouldn’t fall. That I wouldn’t fuck it up. That I wouldn’t spend an eternity paying for the short amount of pleasure we’d find together.
No, it wasn’t worth it.
I’d find her and tell her I hadn’t meant what I’d said. That there would be no tonight. That things wouldn’t change between us.
It’s for the best.
Even as I tried to convince myself, I went against my reasoning.
Selix placed his hand on my shoulder. “You okay?”
I jumped a bloody mile, too obsessed with my own carrouseling thoughts.
Fuck it.
I couldn’t keep functioning this way.
I needed to have her.
Once.
One time where she participated fully. I’d take her pleasure. She’d take mine. We’d be equals in the electricity humming so damn strong between us.
Then and only then could I put my laws back into practice and return to my cool, collected lonely world.
Spinning to face Selix, I ordered, “Book a suite at the Hôtel de Paris for tonight. Have the housekeeping staff on the Phantom pack an overnight bag for myself and Pimlico along with the red parcel on my bed. Send the items to the suite.”
“Just one room?” Selix asked innocently. Too innocently. “I’m guessing because you said an overnight bag for both you and Pim, there will be two guests.”
I gave him the finger and didn’t answer.
He knew exactly how many guests there would be.
And exactly what we’d be doing.
Chapter Eighteen
______________________________
Pim
IT TOOK ME a while, but I finally found it.
Ever since Elder stormed from the office, I’d sniffed around trestles and tools. I’d ducked into nooks and corners. I’d hunted through storage and knickknacks. In my treasure hunt, I came upon the silver photo frame I’d stolen previously, back where it belonged, covered in sawdust and glinting dully next to a rasp and hammer.
Elder had been true to his word and returned the item to its rightful owner.
My heart hugged itself with joy.
If he could keep such a flimsy promise—just to ease my conscience—then I could trust him to keep his promise that tonight would be mutual. That I could direct what would happen just as much as he could. That I had no need to fear the thought of sleeping with him because if it all became too much, I could say no, and he’d listen.
At least, I think he will.
We hadn’t discussed the rules. We hadn’t discussed much of anything. It seemed our voices were becoming drowned out by our bodies and their demands. Until we’d satisfied a physical conversation, I doubted we’d be able to have an intellectual one.
Picking up the gift Elder had hidden for me made my heart stop hugging itself and turn into a little hammer. Striking at my ribs, it pounded a tune I didn’t recognise. A tune slowly becoming known the more my fingers feathered over the origami prettiness. The paper gritty with warehouse dust, the soft green faded beneath wooden shavings.
That soft fluttering. That unmistakeable bubbling.
I’m…happy.
I was happy after years of being miserable.
I was happy because Elder made me feel valuable with his self-restraint and origami presents.