No one cherished me.
Or at least…not for the right reasons.
“I must admit, it’s weird to ask questions and not earn a response.” Dina placed her purse on the terracotta-coloured vanity. “Excuse me if I prattle on.”
I smiled and broke yet another of my rules. I shrugged, shaking my head to put her at ease.
I hated how easy such a response was, how freeing communicating could be if I just stopped doubting everyone and began to trust again.
“I’ll be right back.” Dina opened a stall and disappeared.
I followed suit, and after we’d done our business, we smiled at each other in the mirror as we washed our hands in the double sink. The tepid water wasn’t refreshing in such stagnant heat, but at least we were clean.
Fantasies of jumping in the ocean with Elder tonight made the bathroom splutter as if I could step through a veil of time and return to moonlight and salt rather than stay in a bathroom in the middle of the day.
“How long has it been?” Dina flicked remaining droplets off her fingers and reached for a towelette. “Since you’ve talked, I mean?”
I tensed.
I could lift up two fingers and give her an answer. But I wasn’t ready. I shrugged again. I’d already broken that barrier. It was easy to repeat.
“Do you miss it? Being able to converse and demand answers to whatever you’re thinking?”
Turning off the tap, I swallowed and moved my tongue, testing how easy or how hard it would be to give this woman my voice and just get it over with. I’d forgotten what I sounded like, and how it felt to have sound resonate through my throat.
And if I did break my cardinal rule, what would I say to her? Would I tell her about Alrik? Would I ask her to help me? Would she laugh when I said Elder had saved me but at the same time prevented me from going home? Would she take me away from Elder and if she did…how would I feel about that?
After watching him today, I was hesitant to speak badly of him.
“What am I saying!” She held up her hands. “I’m so sorry for being nosy. I don’t even know if you could ever talk. I never thought it might be a thing you’ve dealt with since birth. Forgive my ignorance.” Opening her purse, she pulled out dusky pink lipstick.
Painting her lips, she put the lid back on. “Changing the subject, let’s talk about that man out there.”
I froze.
What about him?
She smiled softly. “You do know he cares about you.”
Frost worked on my freeze, turning me rigid.
He does?
No, you’re mistaken.
He tolerates me, that’s all.
She couldn’t mean Elder. But there was no other man—apart from her husband. And technically, he did care. He’d saved me, killed for me, set me up with everything my body needed to heal.
She patted my hand, still locked on the tap. “You’re new to one another, aren’t you?”
I blinked.
“I remember those first days with Simo. It’s terrifying but thrilling, don’t you find?”
Terrifying, yes.
Thrilling…I hadn’t thought about it.
Elder did thrill me, but it wasn’t a happy thrill from passing a feared exam or surviving a crazy rollercoaster. This thrill was entirely different. I just didn’t know if it was from adrenaline of wanting to run away or needing to run closer so I could understand.
“Treat that man right, and he’ll do the same in return.” Dina removed a comb from the side of her head and repositioned it to scoop a cascade of black hair from her face. “That’s what today’s society has forgotten.”
Seeing her beautify an already beautiful face prompted me to stare hard at myself in the mirror. The shadows under my eyes were more grey than black, thanks to regular meals. My hair held a tentative shine as if wanting to return to glossiness but still afraid. And my collarbones still stuck out, but at least my arms weren’t as gaunt.
Was I pretty?
No, not really.
But I was a survivor, and I wholeheartedly accepted the girl before me because she was the first stepping-stone back to health.
Copying Dina, I combed my fingers through my hair and rubbed my skin to rid the heat shine on my forehead and chin.
Closing her purse, Dina said, “From a fifteen-year married woman to a girl in a new relationship, let me give you one word of advice.”
I sucked in a breath, my hands twisting my hair and draping the coiled mess over my shoulder.
“Treat him right because men respond to praise. If they know they’ve done well, they want to try harder. If they see how happy they make you, they’ll do more to keep you that way. Don’t belittle them and never, ever blame them for things that aren’t their fault. Even the things that are their fault, give them some slack.”