She heaves a small sob and it nearly breaks me. “I can’t.”
“I’m not talking about this week. I mean after the holidays. We’ll tell our families everything, and then you can move out to California to be with me. You won’t have to deal with the ridicule of being with me, and I can help you enroll in school somewhere out there.”
Ridley swivels around and buries her face in my shoulder, leaking tears onto my chest. Her true vulnerable self is far more beautiful than the legend of her beauty that precedes her.
“I can’t…”
I grit my teeth at the thought of our life together not starting as soon as possible.
But I understand.
I cup her sweet face and kiss the tears that glitter on her cheeks, her nose, and sweep my mouth across her lips. “I know. This is fast. But you’ve made this the best Christmas ever and I want to spend the rest of my life making you feel the way you make me feel. I love you, Ridley.”
She squeezes her eyes shut.
“Don’t do that. Open your eyes. Look at me. You don’t have to say it back. In fact, I don’t want you to, yet. I know this is a lot for you to take in. But I want you to take it in and feel the love and understand it before you say it back. I want you to be sure and I want you to mean it when you say it.”
She opens her eyes but shakes her head. “God, how did I end up here in the bed of someone so ridiculously sweet?”
I joke and run her hand up my abs. “Because you can’t resist this washboard, baby.”
“Ugh! Shut up!” she says, slapping my chest and showing me that smile that I love. “I’m getting up to check on Sassy. You’d better start packing your alternate bags.”
18
Ridley
After Crosby leaves town, I try to focus on the now and get my mind off him by tagging along to a party with the usual crew.
When I arrive with Hadley and our other friend Daphne at the annual Greenbridge students’ sneaky New Year’s Eve party, I’m prepared to see my ex, Roland.
What I’m not prepared for is Roland having a date. Not because I’m jealous. I’m one hundred percent over him. I’m more worried that this girl who is with him—Addie? Maddie? Something like that, from the swim team—is too pure for the likes of him.
I’m sure she thinks I’m giving her the side eye all night, when actually I’m making sure Roland doesn’t get too handsy with her. Luckily, he and his loser friends keep their drunk hands off of everyone and focus on the TV and some college football games.
Hadley and Daphne try to get me to drink with them but I’m just not in the mood to drink. Strangely, I mostly want to feel my feelings.
As midnight approaches, I watch people pair off for the midnight kiss. Roland is in the corner staring at the TV, and I don’t see Addie or Maddie anywhere. I scan the room for her just as my phone beeps. I look down. It’s a FaceTime call from Crosby. Scurrying off to the nearest dark corner, I answer.
“Hi,” I say, popping in my earbuds and smiling from ear to ear, while trying not to cry.
“Babe. What’s the matter?”
“What? Nothing.”
“Ridley, it’s pretty clear t
o me something is wrong.”
It’s then that I let the tears fall. “I don’t want to be here.”
“Where are you?”
“Some stupid party with people I don’t even want to be with anymore. Why can’t I just be done with high school?”
A loud countdown begins and drowns out my words. Good thing, because I just said the words “high school” to my boyfriend who doesn’t know I’m still in high school.
“What was that?” Crosby asks.