“Surprise motherfucker,” I said and belted her one in the jaw. I was pleased to see her fall back heavily on the ground, enjoying the little bounce it made as her eyes rolled back in her head. “Wakey, wakey,” I said and her eyes flicked open, followed by a low groan. “You’re not getting away from this that easily.”
“While I enjoy a good vendetta as much as the next girl, this,” Nan’s finger pointed to the Captain, “is just a symptom, not the root cause. You can, of course, beat her to a bloody pulp, but then what? Her life will change, the lives of those connected to her will as well, but Aravisia?”
My fists were still balled. I was damn fucking ready to pummel the life out of her, break her body into smaller and smaller pieces like mine had. The vicious, bloody-mouthed pleasure of slicing the Prince came to me in a rush, so much so I had a coppery taste on my tongue.
“Fine,” I said, stepping back and forcing my hands down, “but the cause is this whole place: the Queen, her government, her fucking bureaucracy. Christ, it goes down to the average Joe on the street who’d step over his own grandmother to get his own dragon. With so much social and political importance placed on the head of each beast, their exploitation is guaranteed. How do I change an entire society?”
“With difficulty and it doesn’t always work out the way you want,” Nan replied. “The French Revolution was a good example. It all started out as freedom for the people and getting rid of the absolute power of the monarchy and then lo-and-behold, you have the Terror and no one saw that little shit, Napoleon, coming up out of that.”
“That was you?”
“Oh no, that was another of our number,” Nan said with a wave of her hand.
“Just how old are you, Nan?”
“What a rude question, Therese! Your mother brought you up better than that. And anyway, I’m the same as all grandmothers, as old as time itself.”
I shook my head, starting to find all the information I’d heard today a tad overwhelming. “Right, weird, remind me to ask you how many important historical events you have firsthand knowledge of at a later date, but right now, Aravisia. What the hell do I do?”
“Well, this society is hierarchal like any other. Start with changes at the top.”
“I guess that’s the Queen, but then there’s those overbred, donkey eared dicks in the aristocracy. Fuckwits like Bhechro that educate their kids. Monsters like Olongth, Graves. Keel, the weaselly fuck.”
I turned back and saw everyone I’d listed standing in an awkward group. They all began to talk at once but it was one imperious voice that rose above the rest. “If you do not stop all of this at once, those ‘friends’ of yours will be cut down in seconds.”
She looked at me, the Queen, her face a perfect mask of royal amusement. While everyone else was looking a whole lot more disconcerted, she just fixed me with a cat-like smile and raised a hand, as if to send a signal to her minions.
“Fuck that,” I said, and Scalla, Jez and Flea appearing on the sand by me. Flea had a swollen eye and a bloody lip, something I healed instantly.
“Are we at the good part now?” Jez said, eyes wide with glee. “Fuck yes! I was so pissed I missed the big slice and dice scene in Damorica. So, what are we gonna do to these fucks? Turning the riders into my sexual harem would totally be a fitting punishment for the structural inequities they maintain through force.”
“A sea of men to drown yourself in, huh?” I said.
“Why narrow it to just men? I’m an equal opportunity sex goddess.”
“Maybe you will be. You know the ‘curse’ is going to land on you next.” It was because I was going to wish it so.
Her face transformed into a glistening eyed picture of joy. Her hands clasped under her chin. “Are you serious? Please say you’re serious. Please, please, please—”
“Yeah, it will. You’re the next one of us.”
“Ohmigod yes! I have some books you need to get right the fuck onto. If reverse harem wasn’t a feature of your reading list before, it is now.”
“OK, OK, we’ve just got a little political upheaval to resolve though, yeah?”
“Of course,” Jez said with a flourish, “far be it from me to get between a girl and her revolution. Why not sort out that fuck, Keel, first? He was lying to you the whole time, wasn’t he?”
“Good point.” I clicked my fingers and there he stood in front of us, those pretty green eyes rolling in fear. He edged away from Flea who positively radiated menace. “Don’t worry about him, fuck face. Eyes on the omnipotent one.” His eyes darted over obediently, though I could see the quiver in his body as he struggled against the compulsion. “Why’d you do it, Keel? I was going to make the jumps anyway because you guys told me I had to. I would’ve welcomed anyone who was willing to train me. Why pretend to be my friend? That you were interested? That there was something between us? The truth now, tell me why?”
“I love to have something over people, it’s what Keya uses me for. Watching people go about their day, completely clueless, gets me hard every time. I’m not sure if I can get it up if I’m not thinking of deceiving people. Well, that and watching tau mate. I used to watch them all the time when I was a boy at my uncle’s farm and sometimes if I’m finding it hard to perform, I imagine I’m a tau bull about to cover a cow.” He swallowed hard, jerking his eyes down, sweat pouring off his forehead as he fought me. “God, this is so fucking humiliating. I hope Sabelina doesn’t get word of this. My parents need her dowry to pay my brother’s gambling debts.” I gestured for him to continue and when he did, his voice echoed through the whole auditorium. “The best sex I’ve had with Sabelina was when I convinced myself she was a cow brought against her will to the mating box. I blew inside her within five strokes, something she was pissed as hell about, but it was so hot. Then she made me eat her out for hours until she came. I ended up with mouthfuls of my own cum. That was gross.”
“Done with him, love?” Nan said, appearing at my side.
“Yes, wait, no.” I clicked a finger at the Merlin substitute and he transformed into a tau. Now he could have all the tau sex he liked, the only issue being that he’d be on the receiving end. I’d made him into a cow.
“Do I get to shoot the fuck in the head?” Flea said, watching the beast moo in a confused manner.
“Don’t need to. He’s going to end up someone’s Sunday roast one day,” Jez said.