“Of course,” he said with a frown, reaching to shut the door behind me when I stepped out into the corridor. “What was that all about?” he hissed as soon as the door snicked shut. “The fair maiden was in danger; I soothed her! She should be in my bed with her rear in the air.”
“Yeah, and when the going got tough, you were quivering in the corner of the basket. In books, the hero ignores the danger to himself to save the fair maiden.”
“What?” he blinked at me furiously. “So, self-preservation is not romantic to pinkies? No wonder we roast you and serve you with applesauce.”
I paused for a moment, trying to shed my mind of that mental image. “Look, I get it, it is weird, but do you really not have any strange rituals? Like, do you sniff the butt of a girl you’re interested in?” He went very still. “Oh, God, you do, don’t you?”
“When I am in my correct form, my olfactory senses are millions of times more sensitive than yours. You’ll never know the delight of the sweet scent of the posterior of a female in oestrous.”
“No, and that’s something I thank the gods for every day , but you must see, we each have odd rituals.”
“In the pursuit of brevity, I will, but I must have your sister in my chambers tonight. Your books suggest more receptivity when a woman experiences life-threatening experiences.”
I looked at the prince, probably with greater scrutiny than I had all day. Had he planned this? The simians had been screeching that we should never have gone up there. My mind flicked quickly through the plots of the most recent paranormal romances I’d read. Danger had come in the form of vengeful relatives, shadowy cabals, magical spells, malignant beasts. . . . Had I just handed the prince a laundry list of horrible things to inflict on my sister to try to get her to love him? I swallowed, then cleared my throat. “She’s tired and not very receptive right now. If you guys had landed together and spent the night keeping each other warm under a parachute, you might have been in with a chance, but you were trying to stop from turning into a pile of ash from memory. Plan something exciting for tomorrow and you can try again when she’s rested.”
He regarded me with a sniff, then nodded grudgingly. “Very well, Mellors will call for you in the morning, but Mistress McKinnon,” he waited until my eyes met his, “my patience is growing thin.”
“What did the Dread Lord Fluffybutt want?” Tess asked, looking up from her book.
“You. He thought today’s scare would make you randy and wanted to press his advantage. I persuaded him otherwise. What are you reading? We’ve got another outing scheduled tomorrow and I’m not sure he’s above making it life-threatening in an attempt to get into your pants. Hell, if it does kill you then the eternal ‘what are we having for dinner?’ question is answered.” I looked over at Tess whose eyes had gone wide and shining. “Shit, Tess, I’m sorry. That was probably a bit too flippant. I’m just running on gallows humour and prayers right now.”
“It’s OK, I mean what he tried to do to you, to Gabe. I can’t believe I volunteered myself for this,” Tess said.
“Hey, princess,” Flea said, “don’t be sad. Look, we’ve just got to come up with a list of all the skills, stuff and personnel we need to get out of here. I’ll get a book list together and hit the library. So, we really need weapons. . . .”
“People who can fight,” Natty said, “with the technology you showed me at Gump’s. The prince’s guard will have no idea how to counter it.”
“Uzis, grenades, bazookas, rocket launchers,” Flea said.
“Soldiers,” I said, “we’ve got a whole barracks full of armed personnel.”
“Shock troops, covert ops to take out the prince,” Flea said.
“Ninjas?” Tess said. “Please, please say ninjas.”
“Wizards to cast defensive and aggressive spells. A few of the prince’s men with eyes melting in their sockets will be enough to stop many of them,” Natty said.
“A way out of here is bloody important. Tanks? Or spaceships?” I said.
“With pilots to man them,” Flea said.
As they began to get excited, Gabe let out a slight moan. It was little more than a heavy breath, he may not have even made a noise, but my attention was immediate. I slid over to the side of the bed, watching his face, his mouth as they continued to discuss their options. Again, he made a small noise, his brows knitting, his mouth contorting in a snarl. “Gabe,” I whispered, putting a hand up as if to touch him, then thinking better of it.
“A doctor or a healer,” I said.
“What? In case someone gets hurt?” Flea asked, but Tess gestured to where I was now sitting. “Someone to help Gabe. Yeah, that’s at the top of the list.”
They kept going for some time, listing everything they thought we needed and then arguing which texts would be the best fit. I slipped on the bed and put my arms around Gabe and let them. They were capable of working it out. I rested my body against the curl of his and then closed my eyes.
36
“Where the fuck am I?”
I woke up with a start and saw a guy with the most impressive sandy-coloured mullet, held back by a red bandana, and sporting a thick beard and moustache standing over me. “Who the fuck are you?” I snapped, recoiling on the bed. I looked around me wildly, Flea and Tess seemed to be sleeping on one of the other beds, while Natty was curled up on a rug on the floor. “And how did you get in here?”
“I have no fucking idea. I’m Knox McQuade. Last thing I knew, I was asleep at my place back in El Paso. Something tells me this ain’t Texas.”
“Ah,” I said, sitting up straight. “This is going to be hard to take in, but–”