“Oh, I wouldn't call it complete rubbish. Many of our sorcerers have employed the use of hallucinogens to overcome mental blocks," Charming said.
"Your magicians take drugs?" I asked. This was obviously not the Disney version of Prince Charming. "Have you ever tried them, Your Majesty?"
"It's not considered a respectable activity–"
"Didn't inhale. Got it."
By the time the sun began to set, we had gone through most of the piles of books from the shelves and all of those we’d found in the storeroom as well, without any luck. "She must have stored the information at Pa's house," Tess said. "She was always writing stuff down in those notebooks with the red corners."
“We could head over there now, pick up Pa some Chinese takeaway. He’d love that,” I said.
“Well, I’ve got to hit the hay, ladies. I’d like to say this was fun . . .,” Jez said, swinging her bag on to her shoulder.
“Ah, about that,” I said.
“What? You can’t be expecting overtime? We’ve gone over every book in the place. Seriously, please don’t ask me for overtime.”
“No, no, this will hopefully be more pleasant than looking through old books,” I glanced over to where Prince Charming stood studiously examining the display cabinet of crystal specimens.
“Oh,” Jez’s smile spread wide, “Oh, I take it all back. Sign me up for all the overtime you like. You sure you don’t want him? He’s a bit squeaky clean, but that’s kinda part of the appeal, maybe you could . . . muss him a bit.”
I looked at the man and felt a twinge of concern. It felt a little like tossing a lamb to a wolf, which wasn’t in any way lessened when I looked at Jez’s positively carnivorous expression. “Just don’t . . . break him, alright? He’s an actual person
, not a Disney cartoon. He has a castle and a kingdom to return to.”
“Uh-huh.”
“And he may become a customer of the shop. You wouldn’t want to sour a good business relationship, would you?”
“Nuh-uh. Look, Ash, I get you’re pretty blasé about this, having had a parade of truly spectacular-looking men arrive in your bedroom each morning, but the rest of us are scrambling to find someone even slightly reasonable to grace our beds. I promise you, I will go above and beyond to give your prince a positive impression of the shop and really develop that customer relationship.”
“OK, I get it. I shouldn’t have said–”
“I wonder if oral sex is a thing is his world.”
“Oh, God, am I sorry I said something!”
“What about a—?”
“Stop! Go! Take the prince, fuck his brains out, but just go!”
“Well, if you insist. Hey, Harry baby, you’re coming home with me tonight.”
“Oh, is that alright with you, Lady Ash?”
“Absolutely. You kids have fun.”
“I do look forward to what you’ll bring in tomorrow morning,” Jez said with a smile. “Actually, maybe that’s part of your solution.”
“What? Sleeping with characters from my sister’s spank bank?”
“Hey!”
“You know it’s true.”
“No, if you’re doomed to be visited from characters from books or movies she’s seen, find one who knows something about portals. Hell of a lot of books about doors into other realms out there.”
“Y’know, that’s not such a bad idea. You’re not just a sex-crazed Wiccan madwoman.”