“Ah, Leslie McKinnon.”
“Leslie McKinnon . . .” the librarian's eyes went blank again, “there are several million individuals that fit that search term. Do you have a date of birth and other identifying details to narrow the search?” I ended up supplying her date of birth, the hospital she was born in and her address and then the librarian nodded. “Yes, I have the correct person, there are several entries on this person you call ‘Nan’, I have business records, birth records, marriage records, membership to several galactic magic organisations–”
“Yes, well, that’s all very interesting, but that’s not what we are here for,” I said.
“You wish to retract the query: how could you be speaking in several different languages unwittingly?”
“Yes.”
“Of course, then how may I assist you?”
“I need to find out what passes for love in this country. How do people pick mates and woo them?”
“You wish to find out love: mating rituals: whole of Damorica?” the librarian asked.
“Not the whole of Damorica, you want the canids,” Natty said, “otherwise you’ll get everyone from Gump to the prince and how they go about it. Royal canids specifically, as Mellors would have different tactics than the prince.”
“You wish to find out love: mating rituals: royal canids of Damorica?”
“Yes, and can we borrow some English romance novels from Earth, translated into . . . ? What’s your language called again, Natty?”
“Fauvian.”
“Right, romance novels translated from English to Fauvian.”
“I will need some clarification on the last request,” the librarian said. “Do you mean English language romance novels: alpha male protagonist? Do you mean English language romance novels: beta male protagonist? Do you mean English language romance novels: erotica? Do you mean English language romance novels: BDSM erotica? Do you mean English language romance novels: paranormal? Do you mean—?”
“OK, OK, I get it! I want English language romance novels: paranormal. The whole other species thing should make things clearer for the prince,” I said.
“Do you mean English language romance novels: paranormal young adult? Do you mean English language romance novels: paranormal vampire protagonist? Do—?”
“Yeah, yeah, too broad again, I know,” I said, scratching my fingers through my hair. “I want some English language books, romance, paranormal, werewolf male protagonist, human female lead, heterosexual leads, some tension between leads, a bit of personality conflict, that kind of thing. Some explicit sex scenes, that’ll keep his interest—”
“It will also give him ideas,” Flea said darkly.
“Yeah, you’re right, scratch that. Sexual tension but no actual sex scenes, all interactions need to be respectful, no dub-con or rapey stuff.”
“No love triangles, either,” Flea said, “don’t want him thinking everyone else is gunning for ‘his’ girl.”
“And no love triangles. Can you provide that?”
The librarian's eyes went distant for a moment and then he said, “There are several hundred thousand options, would you like me to narrow the field by discounting fanfic?”
“Oh, God yes, I do not want to have to explain what Twilight is,” I said.
“Minus Twilight series and minus fanfic, that still leaves over fifty thousand books. Would you like the five most popular?”
“Yes, that would be fine. Man, I never would have thought that going to a public library would be easier than this,” I said.
“Well, it contains all of the information sources for millions of civilisations. If you don’t narrow the field, you’re going to get drowned in information,” Natty said.
“Here are your books,” the librarian said and when I turned around, there were two small piles of books on the bench. “This pile includes scholarly dissertations of the mating rituals of royal canids as well as several novels that give a romanticised view of the process but are considered significant in the field. This contains your English to Fauvian translations of paranormal romance novels. It will be interesting to see what you think, many concepts don’t translate well, so artistic license has been used.”
“Great, so how do I return these and what’s the due date?” I asked.
“The books are not actual items from our collection. We organise information into the form that best suits the clients. For the Oolians from Sirius it takes the form of different gas bubbles, for the Venuvian Sathians it takes the form of–”
“Got it. So, I don’t need to return them to you?”