“The prince is looking for monkey girls, to try and break the curse. Volunteer to be one.” Natty started backing up at Gabe’s expression, taking one step, then another as Gabe hissed his displeasure.
“No, Gabe, he’s right.”
“So, you’re going to be offered up to that fuck wit now, too?”
“Not really, I just have to pretend. You two can be my bodyguards, Natty can be Gump’s emissary.” This didn’t reassure Natty at all. I was worried for a moment that he would bolt, the thought of impersonating one of Gump’s cronies seemed to be even more terrifying than my gun-toting boyfriend. “Natty?”
The furry man straightened his waistcoat and visibly swallowed, then gave me a quick nod. “I may have need of your portal if Gump finds out I was using his name.”
“Sure,” I said, “it’s yours, but Natty, are you going to be OK? We could just keep riding if that would make you feel more comfortable.”
“No,” he said, shaking his head. “This is the best way.”
“Ok, let’s get the saddlebags on the bikes, we need to have everything with us. That’ll travel OK through the portal, right?” Flea asked.
“I guess so,” Natty said with a shrug. “I’ve never even seen the portal before.”
We all got to see it for the first time together. One of the shopkeepers had let slip the portal would be opening in the late afternoon, so we assembled with all the delivery boys around a grassy clearing with two large standing stones and a lintel. People started to get to their feet, sensing something we didn’t, then there was a bright-blue flash between the stones and a portal much like the one in our shop opened up. A bunch of well-armoured soldiers filed out, followed by one with a helm with a long white plume. “Alright then, who have we got today?” the man demanded. Flea elbowed Natty in the ribs and we surged forward, much to the irritation of the legitimate delivery staff. “So, who are you then?” The face under the helm was wolfish, his fur a ticked silver and he sported a most impressive rack of carnivore’s teeth. His narrow yellow eyes took us in and frowned.
“Natty Ferris, milord, with a delivery from the city for His Highness.”
“And what’s that then? He don’t need no more monkeys, got a stable full of them.”
“Not monkeys,” I said, “well, not the kind you use for meat.” The soldier’s eyes grew wide, then flicked to Natty.
“A gift from Gump,” Natty said.
“He charged us five counterweights in gold for the first one. Why’s he giving them away for free all of a sudden?”
“And he feels terrible for that insult, milord. This monkey and her bodyguards are a gift to make up for that oversight.”
“Figures he might be under a new government if the curse is broke, eh?” The captain looked around him for a moment, then shrugged. “Sentient monkeys are a rare commodity and His Highness doesn’t care much as to how I come by them. Bring the girl through, ditch the males.”
I started to cry out, but Gabe stepped forward, “Do you think either of us could beat you in a fight?”
“Pfft . . . little monkeys like you? Not likely.”
“Well, do you want to be responsible for preventing what may be the opportunity for your lor
d to regain his . . .?”
“Rightful form,” Natty said.
“Rightful form because you wouldn’t let a couple of weak monkeys through? The girl won’t go through without us, so it’s your choice.”
The captain’s mouth spread wide and his tongue lolled out as he smiled. “You know he’s just as likely to fillet the both of them the moment you get into the manor, don’t you?”
“A risk we’re willing to take,” Flea said.
“Your funeral,” the captain said, “and I will be at the feast, picking the meat off your insolent bones.”
“Wouldn’t have it any other way,” Gabe said. The captain stepped back from the portal with a flourish, beckoning us further, only stopping when he saw the guys wheel the bikes through.
“And what are them things?” he asked, holding out a paw.
“Monkey-less carriages they call them,” Natty said. “'Tis a strange contraption that has come from their world. Haven’t seen them get them to actually work, but they seem somehow attached to them.”
“Fucking stupid monkeys,” the captain said before turning to the first delivery boy.