Arthur nodded and looked like he was about to say something when the door to the shop opened with a bang and a tinkle. “Oh, My. God. Thank you, thank you, thank you for the gift that was Prince Charming,” Jez said, standing in the doorway, a picture of a well-satisfied woman, down to the Cheshire Cat grin and the hip-rolling saunter as she walked towards us. “He vanished sometime this morning, but dear God!”
“Jez–” I said.
“That man was exceptional, in every way. We need to get the Star Gate up and running, so I can go and pay him a visit in those Eastern Marches.”
“This woman is boasting of having intercourse with Prince Harold? In your establishment? Women indeed are different here,” Arthur said, his hand straying to Excalibur’s hilt subconsciously before he forced it away. “Now, your request of Merlin?”
“Merlin?” Jez looked Arthur up and down and then mouthed ‘King Arthur’ at us. We nodded quickly.
“We have an inter-dimensional portal in our storeroom and we don’t know how to use it, Your Majesty,” Tess said. “We thought Merlin, being a famed wizard of great knowledge, may be able to help us with this.”
“Is this how I came to be in this realm? You summoned me here to assist with this?” I watched his jaw work as he spoke. I hadn’t really thought about it, but being a noble king and ruler of all Britain, he probably thought us calling him to fix our portal problem was a bit below him. Hell, talking to the greatest wizard of Western history was perhaps a bit of overkill. We could have just stuck our head through the portal again and asked someone on the street for advice or the name of a good wizard. Shit.
“Ah, yes?”
“Then I accept your quest and will summon Merlin forthwith,” and with that he pulled Excalibur from its scabbard, raising it above his head.
“Whoa! What is he–?”
The sword gleamed a pure molten white, then a flash of lighting somehow shot from the sword. I blinked my eyes, momentarily blinded, then saw a tall, slender man with tousled black hair and a very angular bone structure standing in the middle of our shop. He wore a voluminous cloak over his armour and held a great staff in his hand. His eyes instantly swivelled to look at us.
“Who knew Merlin was a hottie?” Jez said in a whisper.
“Shut up, shut up. Do not make sexual remarks about a guy who can turn you into a toad within a blink of an eye. Tess, Tess! What are you doing?” My sister took one, no two steps forward, then dropped to one knee, bowing her head.
“Welcome to our humble store, great Merlin,” she said.
“Guess a lifetime playing D&D has to pay off some time. C’mon Jez, bow,” I hissed. We both dropped to our knees as well.
“Rise, rise,” Merlin said irritably, “I was under the impression that this dimension did not stand on ceremony. And I don’t turn young women into toads, not unless they ask me nicely.”
“Right,” I got to my feet and brushed off the knees of my jeans. We really needed to vacuum more often. I don’t remember having potato chips recently, yet there were crumbs all over me.
“So, how may I assist you?”
“The ladies have an inter-dimensional portal, yet have not the training to operate it and sought your advice on how to utilise it safely.”
“Have you indeed?” Merlin said, moving over to where Tess still kneeled, taking her hand gently and drawing her up. His green eyes bore into hers, he took her chin in his hand and looked over her face with a slight smile on his while she stared back with rapt attention. “Hmm . . . this one has potential. We may be able to do something. But what of the magic user who created the portal itself? Are they of no assistance?”
“She died,” my sister said, jerking her head from his grip. “She was my grandmother.”
“That must be the power I sense. Well, would you care to show me the portal and we’ll see what can be done?”
8
“Ah, this is quite ingenious,” Merlin said, running his hand over the door frame.
“What? The mitred joints and crown moulding?” I said.
“No, no, this portal, it is a multi-dimensional port that retains a static entrance.” He looked up from the door frame. “Usually, one has to create a separate portal for each realm or dimension travelled to, using a mechanism like ley lines, or tears in the dimensional fabric. This appears to engage and disengage from fixed points in multiple dimensions.”
“How can you tell this by looking at a door frame?” Jez asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Oh, my apologies, I forgot you haven’t the Sight.” He wove his hand over the doorway and bright-green light washed over the door, settling into lots and lots of tiny writing. “I’m looking at the spell your grandmother cast to create the portal.”
Just as he was about to begin peering at the writing again, a loud knock came from the door. He jerked his head back, looking almost quizzical for a moment, then put his hand to the door handle. “Let’s see who it is, shall we?” The door swung open to what looked like an alleyway in the late afternoon. Standing in the doorway, hand still raised to knock again was a young guy in fairly scruffy-looking clothes, a big head of ruffled brown hair and large fennec fox-like plush ears. One raised itself slowly, swivelling as he took us in.
“Ah, hello? I was looking for Miranda?”