At his words, the world dropped away, as if he pulled me from the difficult reality to somewhere quite different.
Almost immediately, a sense of peace settled over me. We stood on the stony shore of a vast ocean, pine trees growing on the rise behind us, beyond the sand dunes. The sea filled the air with its soporific hiss, the waves tiny, lapping at the big polished stones beneath our feet.
“This is the place my uncle took me fishing,” Hawk said, looking about him. “How the hell did we get here?”
“We’re not actually here,” I said. “Brandon showed me. We have this psychic space that those within the pack seem to be able to go to.”
“So, this…” he bent down and picked up a flattish rock, “isn’t real?”
“None of it is, I think. You know how we were having those weird experiences in that landscape with the black sun? Well, this is our version of it.”
“Yeah?” I watched him toss the rock with a rapid movement, watching the bunch and shift of the big muscles in his shoulder as he did so. The stone skipped across the water’s surface until it finally ran out of momentum and sank. “So, why this place? Can I change it?”
“Of course.”
He smiled, his teeth bright against the dark of his beard, and then the world closed down into a muted whiteness. I blinked. I was lying down now, on a bed, if I had the feel right, and he lay beside me. I reached out a hand, and saw we were cocooned under the covers.
“This is where you think we should be?” I asked.
He shrugged. “It always made me feel better when I was a kid, hiding down under the blankets and shutting out the world. I think you need that right now.”
My eyes jerked up to meet his. “Is it that obvious?”
“No, I know because that’s how I feel. Seeing Johnno shot worried you. You thought about what it would be like if that happened to us.”
“How do you do that? How do you read my bloody mind? You and Brandon both.”
He shook his head. “Nah. Brandon, he sees way more than me, but it doesn’t take a huge leap of the imagination to guess, does it? How d'you think I felt? Jack sticking his head up through the car roof, inviting someone to blow it off. And you…”
“Me?”
He looked at me shyly, hand scratching at his beard as if needing something to do.
“Most blokes, they thank the Great Wolf and the stars for the opportunity for a mate. Well, I’ve got two, haven’t I? Both of you rip my heart out just sitting there, bitching about who should be doing the dishes, until I want to do them for you just so I can continue to watch you. You start to feel like the world’s gonna fix that, take one of you away for being so greedy for wanting you both.”
“Hawk…”
He looked away, shaking his head, but his fingers tangled with mine. Then I was lying next to him, watching his eyes roam, the muscles around them tightening as he struggled to get the words out.
“Half the reason why Jack’s such a prick is this. When you love someone, you gotta watch them go out into the world, face dangers, deal with the possibility that they’ll get hurt, and you can’t do anything about it. I take my punches head on, always have. No point making a fuss about it. You mighta noticed, Jack’s not one to take anything lying down.”
Except your cock, my traitorous little mind supplied.
His smile was immediate, his eyes shining with amusement.
“Fuck, did I say that out loud?” He nodded.
“Like that, do you?”
“You guys are seriously hot together, you know that. But yeah, I feel privileged. You guys love each other in a savage way I’m not sure I’ll ever understand or be a part of, but I love to watch it play out.”
“You don’t have to be a part of anything. You can make your own path to each and every one of us. If you want to.”
I nodded and let out a long breath. Hawk had been right, the lack of sensory information by being huddled up in bed had settled me. He did that a lot, I realised, calmed me down, got me back on track.
“I think we can reach out to each other without touching,” I said. “Can I do that sometimes? Just being with you makes me feel a lot better.”
His face lit up at that. “Of course, Jules. Any time.”