You pretend I am a separate part of you, because I do not fit with your idea of who you are. If you do not want to hurt the men, look to your own heart for guidance, she replied. And that was that, because if she was a part of me, she was a really stubborn, opaque, all-knowing, grumpy Yoda part, and not the cute baby version, either. I took a deep breath and tried to bring my awareness back to what was happening in the car.
I heard Buddy's rhythmic pant, felt the close air on my skin, the hardness of Hawk's chest under my hands, the soft worn flannel of his shirt. I looked into those fathomless brown eyes and saw the golden flecks there, as the sun sent a beam across his face. He looked like a cup of coffee feels like—warm, inviting, ready to help me get through the day. My mouth twisted. If the rasp of his breath and the hard lump beneath me was anything to go by, being compared to beverages wouldn't be cool. What do I feel about you? I asked myself, running my hand down the side of his face, digging the tips into his beard. He turned his head and kissed my palm. I watched his lips fasten around my thumb and suck, his mobile tongue doing something that made me ache. Just good ole garden variety lust, then. His eyes, when they looked back at me, were sparkling with amusement at my rapt attention. And a bit of a connection.
"Let’s go home and kiss forever."
15
Slade was out the front of the house when we pulled up, a slight frown on his face that transformed into a smile when we got out.
"Hey, Buddy boy," he said, giving my dog a scratch on the belly. He came to me when he straightened. "How are you, love?"
"You've heard," I said.
"Small place, princess. Word gets around." He looked up at Hawk. "Thanks for looking after her. Will have to shout Mick a beer next time we're at the bar."
"He'll appreciate that," Hawk replied.
"What do you need, love?" Slade asked me. "This has to be rough."
"Yeah, in a way." I glanced at the nicely appointed yard for a moment, though I didn't really see it. I just blinked until my vision cleared, then squared my shoulders and turned back to my mate. "Who's here?"
"Aaron, me, Jack. Brandon and Finn are at work, but Doc will be here at lunchtime. He's worrying."
I nodded. I felt a pang at that, but tried to counsel myself. We cared about each other, of course we were going to be worried from time to time. "Everyone who's in..." I paused, figuring they could work out what that meant. "Come into the bedroom. We need to talk."
"The four words that turn a man's guts to water," Slade said with a groan. "Here I was, hoping that seeing a bunch of hunky, sweating men would get you all worked up and ready for another round when you got home."
"Talk first," I said, walking towards the house, tugging my sleeves down over my hands. "I'm not taking off a stitch until we talk."
"I need a fucking beer."
I sat on the big family bed, Buddy by my side. I scratched his furry belly, watching his head loll back in pure ecstasy. He just took his pleasures where he found them, Bud, something I kinda envied right now. Aaron came in first, smiling as he laid down beside me. He curled his body around mine, acting like a huge harbour I could hide in, which was comforting. His arm went around me loosely when I leant against him.
"My parents are wondering if you could come by for dinner tonight?" he asked. His tone was deceptively light, and I could almost hear what he was holding back.
"Tell me the whole story," I said as my fingers played with the blond hair on his thick forearms.
"What...?" I felt his sigh. "I usually stay at home on my days off, so the parentals are kinda chomping at the bit to see me. They're insisting they meet you. They're...worried."
"Worried? Why?"
"You're an outsider and—"
He didn't get time to finish, as Slade, Jack, and Hawk came strolling in. Slade cracked a beer as he sat down on the bed, crossing his legs with a disgruntled frown.
"You realise you're the one in the most secure position here, Slade," I said.
"Yeah, but women always want to overthink things, then talk about it. Like now. You come in smelling all hot and creamy, the car fairly reeks of pheromones, and you want to sit there, dressed up like a nun, and 'talk'." He glanced back at me. He tried to hold on to his grumpy expression, but it softened when he saw me against Aaron. "The big man's gonna have to whisk you off to appease the crazy over thinkers at his parent’s place tonight, so I thought we'd have a nice little round of me getting Jules all warm and relaxed so she can take Aaron without hurting, maybe with Hawkie as an appetiser to broaden her horizons a bit, but no." He took a long swig from the beer bottle.
"So, let me get this straight. While I've been out getting my head chewed off, you've been planning out the sexual pecking order?"
"Figured Hawk would look after you, smooth over any ruffled feathers. You did, didn't you?"
He looked over his shoulder where Hawk sat with Jack's head in his lap, smoothing the other man's hair, much to his cat-like delight.
"He was very supportive," I said, snapping his attention back to me. "If you're finished, Slade, this should be short. Talking to Hawk and Shaun, the whole thing has made me aware of something I didn't handle all that well this morning. We're going to have to communicate—yes, talk to get through this. We've got an existing couple," I gestured to Jack and Hawk, "Slade's my mate, and then there's the three of you as petitioners, maybe others, if we decide to add people."
"Liked Mickey, did ya, love?" Slade said with a sly grin. "He's a good bloke, I wouldn't say no to—"