He stared at me, eyes squinting in the sun's glare. I wanted him to stay, or insist we go home and dive into the dramas there, if that's what it took to avoid this. I took a deep breath and steeled myself for what was to come.
"I need to do this, and he wouldn't appreciate an audience, I'm sure. Just...hang around in the vicinity, maybe?"
I was grasping at straws, I knew it, but he nodded, lighting a cigarette and going to chat with some guys working nearby. Buddy stayed with me, a little furry shadow as I walked round to the other side.
They weren't pulling any punches. Shaun looked like shit.
His beautiful blond hair was lank and stringy, scraped back into a messy knot, and his forehead was studded with dots of perspiration. His eyes looked swollen, his skin pasty, but he methodically counted nail after nail, putting them in one box or another. I think he sensed me before I came over, as his hand stilled. He smiled for a moment when Buddy bounded over, giving him a brief pat on his head.
"Wasn't sure if I'd see you again," he said as I drew closer. "Was kinda hoping I wouldn't."
"I'm sorry, Shaun, for last night, for everything."
"And that's it, huh? What's it been, a month and a bit? Just, sorry, Shaun, but no thanks."
"I had no idea that was going to happen until it did. My Tirian—"
"Yeah, yeah, I know how the beasts work. Got one of my own, haven't I? Mine liked yours just fine." He tossed the nails he was holding into a random box. "What're you doing here, Julie? Trying to placate your conscience?
You made it clear it's not gonna happen anymore, job done."
"You're right, we did have a month together. You helped me find my feet here, helped keep the petitioners from my door when I went through the first change. It's not so much about my conscience, and more that I feel an obligation. I don't know what you need. Maybe you want to yell at me, get something off your chest—"
His laughter when it came was caustic, a weird expression on him. He'd always been an easy guy to have around, he just fit in with whatever was going on. He'd been all sexy and smouldery when I first met him, then a straightforward nice guy who read romance novels on the DL when that didn't work. I frowned slightly. When I summarised him like that, he just sounded like a composite of the other guys. Who was Shaun, really? I was about to find out.
When he climbed out of the back of the van, that atavistic fear a big guy can strike in the heart of a woman reared its ugly head.
You're stronger than him, I told myself, holding my ground through will alone. He approached me slowly, cocking his head and eyes raking down my body, his expression making it evident that he didn't like what he saw.
"So I need to 'work through my issues' now I'm denied entrance to the golden pussy, do I?"
"No, you don't have to do anything you don't want to."
"That's right, I don't. Don't have to watch you fawn over those fucking blokes, like they've got anything I don't. Don't have to watch you panting like a dog in heat, taking it in every hole. Taking it up the arse yet, sweetheart? No? Well I'm sure Brandon's got that on his little to do list. I took a fucking beating for you, got turned into mincemeat by blokes I'd have considered brothers the night before, and for what? It wasn't even that my performance was sub-par, or that you didn't think I was attractive. You just forgot me, nothing more than a little footnote on your glorious path to finding your mates. Just toddle off, Shaunie. Be a good little boy until some other cunt deigns to pay me attention."
"Shaun."
His head whipped around at Hawk's growl.
"Got you panting after her as well, does she? And how long is it before Jack's drinking himself into a stupor beside me? He fucking loves you, has always loved you."
"And I'll always love him. Splitting up isn't on the table."
"You wait, you fucking wait. You have no idea what you're tangling with. They're sweet smelling assassins, sucking you in and then ripping the ground out from beneath you. Jack can be a dickhead, but you know he’s loyal to you. Not like these fucking bitches." Buddy started to bark at him, jumping into the gap between us. "Fuck off, you mongrel piece of shit!"
I watched in horror as he kicked out at my dog. Buddy leapt out of the way, taking position in front of me, teeth bared.
"Shaun, pack your shit and fuck off home." Mick strode over, voice flat as a tack. He held up a hand when the man tried to argue. "You're fucking useless here today, you know it. You've got a three-day RDO. Try to pull yourself together in a way that doesn't shame your family. If the matriarchs in your family heard you just now—"
"They'd do fucking what?" he snapped. His eyes jerked down to where Mick pulled out a mobile phone. "You're going to narc to Mummy on me?"
"You need someone to take care of you, because you clearly aren't going to."
"I just need you, all of you, to wake the fuck up. There's more of us than them. We don't have to put up with this shit. The humans have the right idea, keep them in their damn place. We could run things like the black—"
"Don't say it," Hawk snarled. "Do not fucking say it. You're hurt, most of this can be passed off as bruised feelings. But you go there, and you're risking exclusion."
"Like I fucking care. I'd rather go through the gate, try my luck."