Of course, I think they're hot, I thought grumpily as I clipped my seat belt. After watching Brandon and Aaron together, it'd opened a whole new world of hard bodies, and my libido and imagination were pretty keen to plumb every depth of the live gay porn show I got on occasion. Perhaps that's why I watched him light his cigarette with hungry eyes, those big hands going through the motions with practised ease. I jumped when Buddy landed on my lap, obviously having leapt in through my open door. He plonked his furry butt in the space between us and I shut the door.
"You're not the first one, y'know," Hawk said as we drove away from the house. I looked at him, confused. "
Only time I get noticed is when Chuckles isn't around."
"Hawk..." My hand went out before I thought about it, Buddy stopping me from patting his leg. Patting his leg. What was I thinking? I barely knew the guy, and he'd already said we were treating him like a child.
He shot a look at me and shook his head. "It's alright. I know what people see in him. I'm in love with the ungrateful bastard. He shines pretty fucking bright, everyone else can't help but lurk in the shadows."
"Hey, I saw you first that day—"
"In the field? I know. God, your fucking scent half yanked me across the grass before I'd even had a chance to process it. That's when I knew." His eyes slid sideways. "I haven't participated in a mating contest since we were in our 20s. No point when we know how the women'll react. I dunno, there was something about you. I was scrambling around, trying to find some kind of suitable token when the news went out last night, but fucking Jack..."
I was shocked out of my study of the man when he pulled over the car suddenly, reaching between Buddy's legs to yank the handbrake on.
"C'mere," he said to me. He wasn't sure I would, I could see that in the angle of his shoulders, the closed off expression on his face.
"C'mon Bud," I said to my dog, swapping places with him in a series of clumsy gestures. This ended up with Bud leaning against the window, scanning the landscape beyond for cool stuff, and me sitting in the half seat, legs either side of the gear stick.
"What you did today, that's a good thing. You tried to consider what people need, how they feel. You should, but you were missing one important thing—our input. I'm assuming you've never been with a bloke that’s in a relationship with another bloke?"
"No, it's just been a fun thing the guys have done."
"Well, let me tell you this. I don't need you to look out for my relationship, my emotional safety. I've been with Jack a bloody long time. I know how to manage my man." He twisted in his seat, reaching over and putting a finger under my chin. "What I need is the girl who was running along the perimeter of the paddock. What would she have done then, if she knew what she does now?"
"Dragged you into my house and licked every inch of you."
The words were out of my mouth without even thinking. How did they keep fucking doing that? One word, and out came my id, spilling all my dirty little sex secrets.
His teeth were bright white against the black of his beard.
"That's it, that's what I need. We're gonna get to know each other, Jules, if I have a say about it. And I especially want to know the girl in the paddock."
He leant over further, brushing his lips against mine before looking at me for confirmation.
"Always asking for permission," I said with a smile. There was something sweet and gentlemanly about it.
"Up until the point you say I don't need to. Just make sure you mean it if you say you don't, because I've had a whole lot of time to think about what I want to do to you. Last night only added to the roster."
He didn't let me reply then, pressing his mouth to mine in a hungry kiss. My lips trailed after his when he finally pulled away, something that made him laugh. Then he put the car into gear, his hands sliding high between my legs, drawing my attention to right where I throbbed. I was left with that uncomfortably acute awareness on the drive all the way to the work site.
13
I sobered up when we pulled up in the temporary car park. A lot of cars bristling with tools and equipment had been left on a small rise, the team building a fence up and over it. I didn't see Shaun, but my heart started to pound as soon as Hawk put the parking brake on.
"He's hurting. Just keep that in mind. You don't have to put up with his shit, and I won't let him make you his emotional punching bag. Just...go in not having too many expectations."
"It's not about me," I said, looking down at my hands.
"OK, well, come with me. I'll find Mick, the leading hand. I need to have a word with him, and he should know where Shaun is."
We wove our way through the cars and trucks, Buddy at my heels. I stopped for a second when we came out the other side, the open landscape making me feel curiously vulnerable. That only intensified when I saw the group of workers.
Groups of men in work gear, was there anything more intimidating? Admittedly, when they turned around, none of them called out what they would do to me if they had a chance. But the intensity of that collective stare was enough to make me wonder if they were thinking it.
"Hawk," a guy with wavy auburn hair said with a nod, coming forward. "Jack said you wouldn't be in for a bit. Said he gave you to Julie?"
This earned me a quick side glance, all the time it seemed for his crinkling grey eyes to take me in. His mouth twisted into a slight smile.