Chapter 1: Jane
“It’s been a while,” I said, as I stood with my toes wiggling against the wet sand. “Feels like forever.” My voice was taken up by the wind. It was blowing in exactly the right direction so that the ocean lay still, like a single pane of glass.
I breathed in the saltiness in the air and it filled my lungs until I thought they would burst.
Am I ready for this? I asked myself, almost like I expected an answer from somewhere deep inside my soul but the only answer I received was that of silence.
“Baby steps,” I whispered, as I stepped further into the water. The tug and pull of the tide danced against my exposed ankles. “It’s like riding a bike, you never forget.”
Another couple of steps and the water rose up to my knees. It was still early in the spring season and the temperature of the ocean showed it. The sun had yet to warm the coast against the winter chill.
It isn’t too late for you to walk away, came that voice at the back of my head. Turn around, like you know you should.
No, I shot back, hoping to shut down any doubts that still lingered.
Two years was long enough to live in the shadow of another. I wasn't going to let Ian break my heart and take away my life’s passion too.
The wetsuit hugged my skin as I waded into the depths. That familiar weightlessness came over me, as my toes failed to find the sand underneath them.
I moved my arms and legs in circular motions, keeping myself afloat.
Like coming home, I thought to myself, as I eased against the water. From an early age, I had loved swimming. My parents had enrolled me in lessons by the time I was two and it was love at first sight — or should I say swim? They took out a loan against the house, just to install an in-ground pool in the backyard.
The thought of them, always left me feeling hollow. Riding on that feeling, I allowed my legs to drift towards the surface. With my body floating on the water, I allowed myself to ride the gentle current wherever it wanted to take me. Dusk had already turned to night and the blackness around me was thick. Only a few dozen stars peeked through, sparkling with a dullness that promised rain in the forecast.
Clouds drifted across the moon, obscuring its brilliant silver light. As a result, the world was painted with shadows and I became one of them.
I kept on drifting, until the clouds went forth on their merry way. Again, the moon, round and bright, hung overhead in its unadulterated glory. I tried to capture a mental picture of it in my head but I was distracted by a memory tugging at the very edge of my thoughts. I tried to push it away but it shoved its way to the forefront, where I was forced to relive the incident in agonizing color.
***
Two years earlier.
“You know, it’s going to be so cool to say that I have a girlfriend in the Olympics.”
“I haven’t made it to the Olympics just yet. My mother always said, it’s never a good idea to count your chickens before they hatch.”
“Pfft.” Ian swept his fingers through his messy blonde hair. “You’re an amazing swimmer, Jane. There’s no way you can lose.”
“I appreciate the vote of confidence but I’m not even sure if I want to go –”
He stopped rocking the swing chair we had been stargazing in. He pivoted in my direction, eyes narrowed. “What are you talking about?”