“Let me get it, you’re getting it all over your scrubs. You’d better go and change.”
I looked down at the splotches all over me. Even on a slow day, I didn’t have time to change my scrubs before I was due to make my next round. Coffee breaks were a luxury. “I’m really sorry.”
She nodded but didn’t look up at me. I got up and went to the bathroom. Since there were only a few quarter sized drops, I figured if I did a quick wash in the sink, I could be back on the floor faster. I rinsed my shirt. Looking in the mirror, I frowned. There were now wet spots the size of compact disks on my shirt. It was friggin’ worse than the coffee. Whatever, I’ll check on a few patients and it will dry and be fine. Of course, as I left the break room, I ran smack into my boss.
“Jennifer.” Piper scowled at me, eyeing my wet spots.
“Hey Piper. How’s it going?”
“Aren’t you a little far away from your patients?”
Subtle. This bitch really was a micromanaging nightmare. “Yup, I’m on my way back now.”
“Aren’t you going to change your scrubs?” Her grimace made it clear what she wanted the answer to be. Her standards for appearance were higher than any other charge nurse I ever worked with. She cared about messy buns and ponytails. Her own hair was slicked back into a chignon, tight enough to pull the skin tight on her forehead. A do-it-yourself facelift seemed like an extreme aesthetic, so I dodged her when I could. My scalp was sensitive, and I couldn’t be bothered to suffer any more pain in one day than I already had to.
“No.” I stood and shuffled from side to side, feeling like a kid in the principal’s office.
“I see.” Piper looked at me over her wire frames. Her eyes were glassy and red. She was probably a secret stoner. She would have to be to unclench each night. Probably has a massive dildo in her nightstand. I scurried away into a patie
nt’s room. I peeked at my cell phone. Frank was due for a check, but I really did not want to run into Wes. Especially if Frank was asleep. What would I be able to say to him?
Wes, I’m really sorry, but I’ve been hurt by my ex badly enough that I lashed out at you. Your easy affection terrifies me, especially since I can’t stop thinking about you. By the way, my ex-husband is an uber dangerous biker who will stop at nothing to track me down and make my life miserable. And I have two small children who take up one hundred percent of my time. I’m too tired to shave my legs, shower, or work out, but if you would still like to give me an orgasm or two in between episodes of Brooklyn 99, I’d really appreciate it.
Embarrassment flooded my senses. You want someone in your life, but you have nothing left to give. I avoided Frank’s room until it was absolutely necessary to return. Stopping at the nurse’s station, I grabbed one of the new nurses. We’re supposed to let them shadow us, but most ignore them. It’s difficult to get anything done with someone yammering in your ear. It’s funny how I used to hover desperately, begging nurses to take me on. I swore I would be different and proactively assist any new nurse. Whoops.
“Hey Janna, let’s go.” I barked at the petite brunette fiddling with papers. She jumped to her feet; eyes bugged out with surprise.
“Where are we going?” she whispered.
“Does it matter?” The jab erupted from my mouth before I could stop it. Jana flinched. Fix this quickly. There’s no need to be mean to the girl. “Nothing exciting, just normal rounds. I thought you could lead, and I’ll watch you.”
Her skin turned pink at the mention of lead. “I might need some help.”
“That’s what I’m there for. I’m your training wheels, you’re not falling.”
She flashed me an innocent grin. “I appreciate it. Lately, I’ve been stuck pushing pills.”
Some of your colleagues have stopped there my dear. Watch it. “No shame in giving meds. We’ve all had to do it. It’s part of the job. Trust me, there will come a time where you’re thankful for a boring shift.”
Jana laughed. “I’m not sure. I was thinking about taking some shifts in the emergency room. They’ve got a lot going on down there.”
I scoffed internally. The emergency room was a hot post, romanticized by shows like Grey’s Anatomy or House. But, until you’ve had five bleeding patients arrive at once, while a woman’s giving birth in the parking lot, and two toddlers scream bloody murder with ear infections, I don’t believe that you know whether the emergency room is truly for you or not. And my guess is that Jana hadn’t spent much time under that amount of pressure. This was the problem with all new nurses. They were new. And until this job broke them a bit, they weren’t as useful.
When we entered the room, my heart dropped a little when I realized it was only Frank. Wes had been here every day. I felt a bit nauseated. Was he avoiding me? Well, you brought in a witness just so you didn’t have to be vulnerable. Maybe you’ve pissed him off enough where he’ll never talk to you again. The thought left me short of breath, as if something squeezed the oxygen from my lungs. What if he never spoke to me again? That’s ridiculous, you’re taking care of his brother. He has to talk to you. But what if he’s given up flirting? What if I’ve scared him off? What does it matter anyway? You’re going to have to move again. Things with Tim won’t stay tranquil forever, and you can’t rely on this new temperament. It’s time to start planning your exit from here. I watched Jana clumsily change Frank’s wound dressings. She wasn’t half bad, although she needed to get practice. And her lack of confidence wasn’t doing her any favors. After each step, she turned towards me, looking for reassurance. I used to look at Tim that way. Greedily lapping up his approval in every aspect of my life. Until it became unrecognizable. Wes didn’t know it, but things were better off this way. Flirting was only going to get us hurt. And besides, I wasn’t going to be around much longer. What was to come of our relationship anyway? With that thought, I shoved Wes as far as I could away from my thoughts. The motion of my duties kept me distracted, until something came along to knock him right back into view.
Chapter 10
Frank
It’s funny how much you can figure out if you keep your mouth shut. In the movies, heroes always extract secrets from interrogations or slick and tricky conversational battles. In my experience, that is simply the worst way to ever get any information. People don’t tell the truth, even in death. You can’t trust voluntarily given truth because people have their own truths. The truth about who they are is warped by who they want to be and how they want to be perceived. Additionally, coerced intelligence is always risky, because, again, humans have the instinct to divulge what they think you want to hear. There is one information source that has never failed me: observation. With a closed mouth and open eyes, you can access all the truth you’ll ever need. And that’s what’s gotten me flustered this morning.
Jen entered my room this morning with another nurse. Young, with unsure shaking hands, the new nurse dressed my healing wounds. That was my first clue. Jen was trying to distance herself from me. Why? Since we hadn’t spoken, I figured I must be a proxy. I reminded her of someone. And since I’m a triplet, it didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out who that was. But what had happened? I studied Jen through my nearly closed eyelids. Her face was clouded with worry, and her expression was reminiscent of a mathematician mid calculation. After Jen and the other nurse left, Wes hurried in. He arrived heaving, out of breath. His temperature was slightly lower, he must have been outside for a prolonged period of time. I recalled nothing within our discussions yesterday that would merit that length of outdoor activity.
“Where have you been?” I asked.
“I went for a walk.” He muttered. His eyes shifted from my face to the floor.
Either he wasn’t on a walk and he didn’t want me to know where he was, or he was on a walk and didn’t want me to know the details. Interesting. And what did this have to do with Jen’s strange behavior? I decided to play it casual. If I confronted him, he might shut down. I’d lose my window. “That sounds nice. It’s a bit chilly out though. How far did you get?”