Jack rolled off me and lay on his back. I stared up at the ceiling, my chest heaving with every heavy breath. The heated feelings dissipated and left me with something raw. Once all the passion of the lovemaking had been taken away there was nothing but the cold, pure emotion. Often people had regrets in the aftermath of making love as the instinctive desire overrode all kinds of rationality. The union between Jack and I had been so sudden and unexpected that when it was over I worried I would be overwhelmed with regret, but even when reason entered my mind again I was only filled with satisfaction. Yes, it was unconventional, but I was drawn to Jack in a way that didn’t feel wrong. Now that I knew my history I had a better grounding of who I was and what I wanted in the future. I had never fit in, in the outside world, my place was here, with Jack and the other wolves. I was beginning to accept it, how could I not when I had never felt at ease in the other world? Mom was right; I had always been meant for something more special than the real world. She thought it had been Hollywood but she was wrong; it had been this motorcycle club and these wolves.
Chapter Eleven
Our sweat soaked bodies glistened in the fading light. The windows in his room were bigger than the one in my cell. Silver light poured in and I couldn’t quite believe that I had just slept with the leader of the pack. He had peeled away all my layers of defense and showed how hopelessly yearning I was for a connection with him. I wasn’t sure at which moment I realized I wanted him, but the torrent of emotions had surged through the floodgates of my heart and I couldn’t stop myself. Where he had been rough with me before, he had shown tenderness during our lovemaking. I nestled into him and draped my arm over his chest. Drops of sweat lingered on the curled ends of his chest hair. Under my palm I could feel his heart beating, powerful and frantic as he tried to compose himself after our heated session. His chest rose in deep breaths, as did mine. I kissed him softly and tasted the salty sweetness of his skin, murmuring as the lingering sensations flowed through my body.
I fit nicely into the crook of his arm and I could have stayed there for an eternity. I looked up, expecting to see desire playing upon his face, but there was a stony expression.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, my voice barely a whisper.
“I’m thinking of the future and all that is yet to come.”
“Try to put it out of your mind. No good is going to come of this,” I said, but it evidently wasn’t going to work. He pulled my arm off him and slid out of bed, moving to the window. The moonlight that poured in silhouetted his body, highlighting all the perfect angles of his muscles. I wrapped the blanket around me and sat up. My hair fell upon my shoulder in ringlets. My body still simmered with the passion he had conjured within, and my breaths were deep gulps.
“But I must think and plan. I know that the Hunters are out there, waiting to make their move. They see us as vulnerable and they know what having you here means for us. I will not let them take you from me. I will not let them harm you like before.”
“With Lucy,” I said in a hushed whisper. His head hung. “She meant a lot to you, didn’t she?”
“She meant everything.”
“Tell me about her.”
“I…it would not be right.”
“Please, Jack, I want to know,” I said, longing to feel some of his deep emotion and to explore what feelings lay in his heart. From making love with him I could tell that he was a man who felt things deeply and whose roughness was a façade, shielding his sensitive soul from hurt and pain, holding it deep within until it seeped into his bones. “You should be able to share these things with me if I am to be the mother of your pack,” I said.
He looked directly towards me.
“Do you mean to say that you have accepted your role, your duty?”
I considered the question for a moment. Emotions swirled within me. I knew there were so many things I hadn’t yet thought of, and no doubt there would be other surprises in store, but after being intimate with Jack I knew that he wasn’t going to treat me as an object and that this was something greater than merely being used as a vessel for the continuation of the pack. He cared for me, truly cared, and while I didn’t know about the other men in the pack I was ready to trust him.
“Yes, I am. But what will people think about you and I being together?”
“They will accept it because I am their leader.” He walked over and cupped my head in his hand, stroking my cheek with his thumb. “If I had my way I would not allow anyone else to touch you, but I must think of the pack,” he said.
“Was it like that with Lucy?” I asked, determined to root into his past. He smirked and let out a small chuckle, evidently realizing that I was like a dog with a bone when it came to certain matters.
“No, it wasn’t. She was my sweetheart. We grew up together and for all my life I thought we were going to end up living our lives together. She was kind and sweet. She valued the pack as much as I did and wanted to make it great again. She longed to have children and to fight back against the Hunters. I have never met anyone as pure in spirit as her, and it was such a tragedy that she was not given a chance to live her life the way she wanted. She was taken from us too early, just as your father was.” He turned away from me as sorrow pervaded his heart.
I rose from the bed. The blanket slipped away, leaving me naked. I placed my hand on his shoulder and pressed my body against his. “Then we will avenge them both, Lucy and my father, and anyone else the Hunters have hurt. But Jack…you can’t treat me like you have done before. You must let me make my own decisions. I know you wish to make this pack strong, but I will not sleep with anyone I do not wish to.” I wanted to make that very clear from the beginning. Jack nodded, wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me into him again for a passionate kiss. Fire swelled within my heart and I lost all sense of time and space as he dragged me to the bed. We fell upon the sheets and animal passion overwhelmed me again. The last thing I saw before I descended into darkness was mother moon smiling down on me, on us, blessing us with her silver stare.
*
I awoke with a smile on my face. A good ache rippled all through my body and a satisfied murmur purred between my lips. I enjoyed the warmth of the bed. It still radiated heat from our night together. I luxuriated in it as though it was a warm spring in a sunny glade, a place where I could cast away all the trappings of civilization and enjoy the natural desires of sun kissed skin in a crystal lake. I sighed happily, basking in this glory, but my mood quickly changed when I reached over to feel him, but grasped nothing but air.
I spread my palms over the imprint of his body. The bed was still warm. I pushed myself up. Confusion danced upon my face as I looked around the room and saw no sign of him. I didn’t understand…it felt as though we had made a real connection and I couldn’t see why he would leave without waking me or telling me. I told myself to not worry, that I was likely overreacting and becoming paranoid, but the night had been so wonderful and I had finally gained some equilibrium, I did not want to lose it or risk anything unbalancing it. There had been enough twists and turns for my liking. I just wanted it to be over and to find a steady foundation. So much of my life had been cast in the shadow of turmoil and I just wanted it to be over.
Pulling on my clothes, I flung the door open and walked out through the clubhouse. Things were eerily quiet and the short hairs on the back of my neck rose in alarm. I swallowed the lump of fear in my throat, but it wouldn’t go away. Something was desperately wrong and I feared the worst. I checked all the rooms I had been in before, but there was no sign of anyone and none of the usual sounds either. The doors to the main hall waited for me, called to me, but I hesitated in fear as I was afraid of what I might find.
I turned the handle and peeked through the crack. The main bar was a large room with a pinball machine, TV, dart board, poker table, pool table, and lots of other tables and chairs scattered around. The bar was well-stocked and the smell of cigars, grease, and alcohol created a potent cocktail. As I glanced around I couldn’t see anyone and I wondered if they had all left. It would have been ironic; the moment I was able to leave I had figured out that I wanted to stay. Why couldn’t this have happened a couple of nights before?
But no…I was glad that it hadn’t. If I had escaped and returned to my normal life I never would have discovered the truth about my father and I never would have gotten closure with my mother. It still amazed me that I had been on that journey. I intended to thank Matt properly the next time I saw him. I realized now that I had mistreated him for he had been genuinely kind to me. I had been wrong about all the wolves, aside from Buck. He was as mean as he looked and I wasn’t disappointed at the thought of not seeing him again.
Then I opened the door a little wider and stepped into the room. As I entered I got a wider view of the bar and as I crept around past the bar I saw that by the main door to the clubhouse Buck was sitting with his legs up on a table, sipping from a beer.
“Well, good morning to you,” he said, tipping the bottle towards me. I glowered and my cheeks turned red. My hands clenched into tight balls as I stormed up to him, annoyed that he was the one who had been left behind.
“Where is everyone? Where’s Jack?” I frowned as I spoke. Buck moved slowly, swinging his legs down from the table and then rose from his chair. His biceps were on full display as the sleeves had been cut away from his denim vest. It struck me as vain, but his biceps were impressive and I couldn’t help but admire them, despite my better intentions.