“What’s it like, to be a wolf?”
Buck frowned. “It’s better than you’ll ever know. Now it’s time for you to get back to your room. You’ve been out here long enough and I don’t want to babysit you the whole time,” he said, and opened the door. I didn’t move. Buck came over and grabbed me by the arm, dragging me out. He brought the glass with him and handed it to me as he placed me back in the room. He slammed the door and locked it from the outside. I was imprisoned once again. My attempt to escape had been futile, but at least I now knew why they wanted me, even if I couldn’t quite wrap my head around it.
I sat on the bed and drew my legs into my chest as I rocked back and forth, trying to decide if any of this actually made sense, or if I had lost my mind and this was all conjured by my psyche to distract me from the horror of my captivity. The three wolves had saved me, but did they actually care about me or did they just want me for what I could give them? They had great respect for my father, but aside from Matt they only really saw me as an object to be used, not a person with my own desires. I had to get through to them somehow and I had to gain a better understanding of what this all meant.
The only way to do that seemed to be through the Styx that Matt had given me.
The idea of taking this drug to transform my mind was frightening, but if it was the only way to gain some clarity then I saw no choice. As strange as it seemed, I was terrified that it might actually work and I could meet my father. I had spent my entire life waiting for this opportunity and now it had been given to me in the most unexpected circumstance.
Chapter Nine
My hands trembled as I reached out to the glass. I wasn’t sure what awaited me, or if it would even work. Part of me thought it impossible, but then, hadn’t I seen the impossible already? I had been thrust into a strange world where things weren’t as they seemed and where miracles happened. If werewolves existed then there were no limits on what else could be true. My mind was a wreck, as I found the prospect of believing in all these things daunting. I would have much rather continued living in ignorance. I didn’t know what the ramifications were for all of this, and now my idea of escaping and living off the glory of my story did not seem feasible. Who would believe any of this had happened to me?
I barely believed it myself.
But if I accepted that werewolves were true – and I pretty much had to, considering I had seen it happen with my own eyes; as much as I tried to explain it away as a hallucination or a drug there was no solution that made as much sense as the obvious truth – then why couldn’t this drug be true too? I didn’t think that Matt would lie to me; he had no reason to and no benefit to gain, unless this drug did something else and he wanted me to take it under false pretenses. It may well have been poison and they started to believe that I was more trouble than I was worth, but if they wanted to get rid of me there were easier ways. They could have just torn me apart with their claws. And if it was poison then, so what? I wouldn’t have to live with this situation any longer. I wouldn’t have to go through any more pain.
And I might actually get a connection with my parents.
That was the real truth of the matter. It filled me with fear and anticipation in equal measure. What would I even say to my father if I had the opportunity? I’d always imagined the conversation before; me in tears demanding an explanation of what happened, him protesting innocence, blaming it on Mom, before we finally found some common ground. Up until now it had always been a distant dream, a vague fantasy that likely wouldn’t happen. It was one of those things that was easier to think about when the chances of it happening were slim. But it was an opportunity that I couldn’t refuse.
I clasped the glass and brought it to my face. The midnight liquid swirled. I breathed in its scent, but to my surprise it was odorless. I closed my eyes as I brought the glass to my lips and gulped the liquid down. It was thick and viscous as it slithered down my throat. For a few moments afterwards nothing happened, but then the world around me began to shimmer. I dropped the glass and heard it shatter, but it was as though it happened far away. The shadows in the room became larger, looming figures that guarded the realm beyond the physical and the intangible. The sunlight that poured in through the narrow window dwindled until it was just a distant star in the sky, and then it winked out completely.
*
I was in a strange land, a la
nd of shadow and mist and mystery. It was dark and shrouded, but I could see. The air around me shimmered with dark clouds that churned and, as I looked into the distance, black fog stretched out. As these clouds moved and danced around, there came an opening, and through this I saw the moon. It sparkled for an instant and then seemed to stretch out, coming at me through the aperture. The ground around me glowed and a wolf appeared. Its fur was the whitest white and its eyes were radiant gold. Fear struck me, but that feeling dissipated instantly as the wolf nudged my hand and started to walk past me, asking me to follow it. A tranquil feeling came over me and I followed its path.
The ground was hard like stone, but there was a layer of liquid above it that reflected all the churning morass of the fog around me. The world seemed to be without end. I was filled with the distinct feeling that I shouldn’t be there. My flesh looked paler than usual. It was cast in a deathly pallor. This was a place that the sun did not touch. There was no plant life and no animals, apart from the wolf. It was devoid of anything other than the fog.
I can’t say for certain how long I walked behind the wolf. There was no sense of the passage of time and the scenery didn’t change around me so we might as well have been walking on the spot for all I knew. The wolf never looked back at me, just kept plodding forward, leaving footsteps upon the watery surface that disappeared as soon as he lifted his foot.
Eventually we came to a point where we stopped. The wolf tilted his head to the side and looked up. It howled, the purest howl there had ever been. The noise rose through the air and filled this world. It was deep and alluring, and I never thought I would describe a wolf’s howl in that manner, but it was true. It was a thing of beauty and as the sonorous sound spread around me I believed in what Jack had been saying about magic. The wolf’s song struck a chord in my heart and I was at peace.
As I marveled at the way the wolf inhabited this world, my gaze shifted to the swirling fog, which seemed to be shifting into a different form. I remembered why I had come on this quest and thought of Mom. The fog shifted and morphed and then a part of it came forward, separating itself from the mass. It took on a new shape and just as the men had shifted from wolves into men, this abstract fog shaped itself into a human, into the form of my mother. It wasn’t quite perfect; the form moved oddly and there was only the barest hint of her expression, but there was no doubting that it was my mother.
Tremors erupted from my heart and I almost fell to my knees as she came to me.
“Mom I…how do you feel?” my words came out in a choking breath. I saw the mist shift and I could see her face. She smiled at me.
“I feel fine Trish. I feel wonderful and at peace.”
I looked around and furrowed my brow in confusion. “In this place?” I asked.
Mom, or at least the form that looked like Mom, threw her head back and laughed. A shadowy hand crossed her chest to rest against her heart, the same way Mom always laughed. “It appears different to you than it does to me. The living are not supposed to be here, but there is so much to be discovered, so much more than I ever thought! You will learn one day Trish, and you will understand just as I have come to understand. Oh Trish, it is so good to see you.”
Mom reached out. Tendrils of smoke caressed my cheek. The touch was cold and yet it was still imbued with affection.
“I sang for you,” I said. My voice trembled. I tried so hard to maintain my composure, but it was just impossible. Emotion crept into my voice and tears welled up in my eyes.
“I know. I heard. It was beautiful,” she said.
“Mom…what’s going on? What’s happening to me? Did you know about Dad?”
Her head tilted to the side in a very human way, which seemed odd coming from this shifting mass of clouds. The expression left her face in a moment of conflict, before it returned.
“I knew that something was different about him. I suppose that’s one of the things that attracted me to him in the first place. As soon as we met I knew that I loved him. He was the only man that ever managed to fully capture my heart. The way he spoke…it was as though he knew that certain things were always going to happen. I couldn’t resist falling in love with him. The time we spent together was short, but it left an indelible mark on my soul. I knew I would never be the same again. He was…he was so special to me and he told me that one day our child would be special as well, that he or she would go on to great things. I suppose that’s why I pushed you so hard. I could only imagine one way in which you could be special. I’m sorry Trish. I shouldn’t have been so narrow-minded about things.”