Mickey stroked his jowls. “Yeah, I can’t say they looked the nicest guys in the world, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that you can’t stop people from making the mistakes. I tried to talk to her, asked her if she really wanted to do this, but you know what Mel is like.”
I knew all too well, unfortunately, and suddenly a rush of guilt swept through me. I felt horrible for leaving her there when I knew something was going to happen. I tried to tell myself that it wasn’t my fault, that Mel’s life was Mel’s responsibility, and although I tried to harden my heart it didn’t quite work, and I felt awful. Sometimes I hated my conscience. It was one of those things I tried to rid myself of and yet I could never quite rip it away, as though it was entwined within the very fabric of my soul and the only way to completely rid myself of it was to kill myself.
I leaned against the bar and took a deep breath.
“You okay kid?”
“No, no I’m not okay Mickey. I think she’s in real trouble. I never should have left her…oh God.”
“You had to do what you had to do, and she had to do what she had to do. You know what Mel’s like. You want me to call the cops?” he said half-heartedly. Nobody in the Rainbow Bar had any love for the police force, or any faith in them.
I snorted. “Like they’ll care. They’ll probably think she got what she deserved.” They didn’t care about the likes of us. Too often had I seen people in need be ignored because they were the kind of person that was an undesirable. None of us fit in with the glossy image that society wanted to portray, so they hoped that if they ignored us and left us to our own devices we would all eventually just disappear, picking each other off one by one until we faded into dust and left society in peace.
Mel’s only hope was if I went to save her. I damned her for being so determined to get involved with these men, and I damned myself for not trying harder to convince her of what I felt. I damned the men most of all though for preying on people like Amy and Mel. I was ready to let Mel make mistakes and get romantically involved with someone she shouldn’t, but I wasn’t willing to let her be hurt. Nobody deserved that, but only I could prevent it.
“Which way did they go?” I asked.
Mickey jerked his head and pointed away from the city, which made sense. They had mentioned they were heading up North. I had to be quick if I was going to catch them. When I left Mel I had been prepared to deal with the fallout of a bad romance or a night that left her lamenting her attraction to bad men. I was willing to put up with a little bit of heartbreak for her so that I could tell her ‘I told you so’, and I was willing to not get involved if there was no lasting harm, but I couldn’t stand by and let my friend be taken away by these strangers. I know what it’s like to be alone in this world, to cower and feel like there’s nobody coming to save you, and I wanted to d
o my best to prevent Mel from feeling that way.
I strode out of the Rainbow Bar. Mickey asked me where I was going, but I was too tense to reply. I walked out into the cold air once again and walked over to the bikes. There were still a row of them parked together and I checked any of them to see if there were keys left inside. Most of the owners were responsible, but not all of them were. I hit the jackpot with a sleek cruiser with slim wheels and I sat astride the saddle, gripping the handles. I revved the engine and felt the bike come to life underneath me. It chugged and burst and just as I was pulling away I saw someone running out of the bar, shaking their fist at me, cursing loudly, but I didn’t care. I had somewhere more important to be, something more important to do. I had to go and find my friend.
6
The wind blew through my hair as I accelerated along the empty road, the world passing by me in a blur as I sped along as fast as I could go. I thought back to the first time I had learned how to ride a motorcycle, back to the boy I thought was going to be the love of my life. He had been the one I had run away from home for, although I’d been thinking about doing exactly that for a number of years. We were both young and naïve. We thought we could conquer the world, and that everything would be alright as long as we met destiny head on and took no prisoners.
We were idiots.
But he had a cool bike and we always talked about riding around the world. We had the freedom to go anywhere we wanted, although we didn’t have the money, so we stayed in one place. Those days when I sat behind him as we rode through the night were the happiest of my life. Anything seemed possible. I felt as though I had broken free from the shackles that held me down before, and I didn’t think I’d ever have to be alone again. I was determined to live and live well, and I thought I could do that with him. I remember the feeling of having my arms wrapped around him and my head pressed against his back, smiling as I felt his warmth and his safety, only for it all to end like everything always does.
But at least before it did he taught me to ride a bike.
I sped along the road, the one that we had always sworn we would ride along, the one that led away from the city, away from our homes. For a brief moment I turned my head and looked at the twinkling lights behind me, receding into the distance. I felt hollow inside, as though it should have meant more to me, but it didn’t.
The road was framed by metal barriers, and beyond these lay thick forests. The thickets of trees were dark and foreboding. I was all alone on the road. The single beam of light emanating from the bike stretched out in front of me, a pinprick in an abyss. The moon hung like a lantern in the sky, surrounded by twinkling stars. The night had always been my favorite time, even when I was a child. Everything was quiet and peaceful, and it was a time when you could believe that dreams came true. I used to look out of the window and wish that things would be better. My wishes were never answered, but I always drew comfort from the moon. It was beautiful, especially when it was full, just as it was tonight.
The days were always harsh. It was impossible to hide in the sunlight, and that wasn’t good for people like me. I remember when my parents used to take me out as a kid. We’d go to the park or for something to eat and they always told me to be on my best behavior, but they never were. They hated other people knowing that they were failures and they tried to hide it from them, tried to convince everyone else that they were a happy couple, but the cracks always showed. They snapped and sniped at each other and shared resentful glances. I was caught in the middle, trying to ignore them and actually enjoy our time out of the apartment, but I never did because it always led to an argument when we got home. The night became my solace, my way of escape. When they slept I stayed awake and listened to the silence around me, loving the sound of nothing happening. It’s why I didn’t mind being alone, although sometimes the faint echoes of their arguments still reverberated in my mind.
At one point the trees receded and a hill rose. Atop the crest I saw a shadowy figure. I peered at it more closely and saw that it was a wolf running alongside me. It paused for a moment and lifted its head, and then a ghostly howl emerged from its throat, drifting through the air. It was a majestic creature, and I felt as though it was driving me on, supporting me on my quest.
I dipped my head and rode deeper into the night, hoping that if I went fast enough I’d be able to catch up with them. The thought of what they would be doing to Mel filled me with horror. I remembered what Amy had said and how terrified she had been. I wondered at that point if I should have gone back and told Harper what was happening, but I figured it was too late now. I was on my own. Mel only had me to count on.
I told myself that I was being stupid and that I shouldn’t care this much about another person. I was only supposed to care about myself. That was how life became easy, but it wouldn’t have been easy to live with myself afterwards. The only promise I had ever made to myself was that I wouldn’t let anyone feel helpless if I could do anything about it. I was going to find Mel, and I was going to take her away from these men.
I knew Mel intimately and I didn’t think it was likely she would be fond of my interference. She’d probably be mad, for she often liked to delude herself into thinking that things were better than they were. I wondered if she even knew she was in danger. I kept my eyes peeled for any sign of life. I couldn’t see or hear any other vehicles in the distance ahead and I wondered if they had stopped off before this. It was possible that they had gone into the forest, but if they had I didn’t fancy my chances at finding them. I tightened my grip on the wheel and clenched my jaw. I couldn’t wait for them to simply appear. I had to go with my gut, and my gut was telling me that I had to keep going.
But then, I found a fork in the road. Both roads continued north, just on different paths. One of them led to a populated area while the other led to a lonelier route. On one hand I thought they would prefer the less populated route, but on the other hand they might have a house somewhere in a city where they did their crimes. I was torn, and stopped as I tried to think of what was more likely. I’d only met them for a brief moment of course, so I didn’t really know what they were like or what was going through their minds. I remembered the way Jackson had glared at Logan when he’d mentioned that they saved his life. Had they been in the army? If so they might know how to live off the beaten track and would be adept at surviving in the wild.
I was lost in thought and I really had no way of knowing where to go. Even my gut instinct was failing me because I had started to over-think the situation and once that happened I was doomed. In the end I was just about ready to flip a coin to make the decision for me when I saw the wolf again, on my left hand side, pointing to the road that led away from the city with its nose. I found it curious. Surely this was just a coincidence? I didn’t for one minute think that the wolf was actually following me and leading me along this path, but I couldn’t dismiss the sign either and for lack of any better guidance I decided to follow the wolf, turning the bike in the direction he was pointing.
I was surprised to see the wolf following me, or maybe I was following it. I slowed my speed so that it could keep up with me, although it seemed to be faster than any wolf I had ever seen before (not that I had seen many). It was also bigger than I expected, but I just thought that my expectations had been skewed by all the dogs I had seen along the way. Wolves were meaner and fiercer, far more savage and primal, and yet this wolf seemed to be helping me. Was it my spirit animal?
I continued down the road, my eyes focused on the path ahead, trying to see where the brothers may have taken Mel. I was keeping my eyes peeled for any motel or cabin or strange building, but I saw nothing. It was as though I had left civilization behind and had flung myself completely into the wilderness. I was determined to find Mel, so I carried on moving forward, but part of me was a little worried that I was venturing into the unknown without any support. I was struck by the terrible thought that if something fatal happened nobody would miss me.
Sure, Damian and Mickey would probably notice I was absent from the Rainbow Bar, and Harper would wonder why I hadn’t returned, but it wasn’t as though I was fundamental to their lives. They’d probably ask themselves where I’d gone, and for days, maybe a few weeks, they’d keep looking around in hope that I’d waltz in and become part of their furniture again, but eventually I’d just become another whisper in their mind. They’d carry on with their lives, just as they did whenever anyone else drifted through their lives. I wasn’t that important. I wasn’t necessary. Nobody depended on me. Nobody loved me.