“You should eat,” Roxy says, taking a bite from the cheeseburger she brought me. I have no idea where she puts all the food she eats.
I grab a pair of sweatpants and slide them on under my shirt. I should try and make myself look better, but this is an apology and likely a goodbye too. I’m not going for seduction. I’m going to end this, not only for myself but for Bronx. He’s been smart about putting space between us but we need more. My heart aches thinking about it. It’s been aching since the first time he told me no. It kept aching as he silently told me no over and over every day since then.
I was too consumed in the grief of my dad at first to feel that ache, but it’s always been there. As I slowly started to heal from losing my dad, I could see I wasn’t healing the pain of not having Bronx.
“I have to go apologize,” I tell Roxy as I pull on some sneakers I find in the back of my closet.
“Why? If he got his head out of his ass he wouldn’t have gone to jail. You would have been dancing for him and not a bunch of horny bastards.”
“Roxy. I’m telling you that man sees me like a little sister.”
She rolls her eyes. “No, he sees me like a little sister.” She drops the burger. “Mitch’s are better.”
“You coming?” I ask as I go to my front door. I’m guessing Mitch is with Bronx if they’re at a car show today.
She follows me out the door and down the stairs. When we get outside I pause to see Bronx’s shop is filled with cars.
“What’s going on?” I ask as we cross the street together.
“Looks like everyone came here after the show?” Roxy suggests. That would be my guess too. I’ve never seen Bronx do that before. He spends most of his Saturday nights in his shop alone working. I really shouldn’t know that, but it’s next door and I notice everything. This is different. Before things changed between us and when Dad was still alive I’d spend those Saturday nights helping him with whatever project he was working on.
When we enter the front of the shop there’s a party in full swing. It looks like the whole freaking car show came back here. I recognize most of the people and my stomach does a small clench at the sight of girls running around in bikinis. That’s normal for a car show, but this is the shop. I look around for Bronx because I’m going to say my I’m sorry and get the hell out of here.
“Where’s Bronx?” I ask Roxy, who’s looking around too. We both spot Mitch standing outside of Bronx’s office and we walk in that direction.
“Where’s Bronx?” Roxy parrots my question to Mitch and his eyes dart between Roxy and me. I can tell he’s thinking about not telling us. What the hell?
“In his office.” He nods to the closed door.
“I want to talk to him.” I try and step around Mitch, but he shifts, blocking my path.
“Now’s not a good time.”
My stomach drops. Why is Bronx’s office door closed? In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever seen it closed.
“Why?” Roxy beats me to the question.
“He’s busy.” Mitch doesn’t back down.
I hear a growl come from Bronx’s office and the sudden urge to vomit hits me hard. I try and blame it on the liquor, but I know that’s not it. I turn without saying a word and leave. The I’m sorry I wanted to give is lost in the pain I feel inside.
I can’t do this.
Roxy calls after me, but I shake my head no as I keep on walking because I want to be alone. She tries to grab me and I yank my arm free.
“I’m going to fucking kill him,” she says and I’ve never see her so mad before.
All I feel is pain. There’s no anger and I wish there was. Last night I was pissed off, but this is hurt and loss. I know the feeling too damn well.
“Roxy, please.” My face must say it all because her eyes are soft and she backs down, letting me go.
I make my way back towards my place alone. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this alone before. I think a part of me thought I’d always have a part of Bronx. But now I know for sure he isn’t mine. Not even a little.
Chapter Six
Bronx
“Fuck,” I grunt as I try to hold still.
“I’m almost there,” Stacy says softly, and I close my eyes.
I try to take my mind off what’s happening but it’s no use. Everywhere inside me is pain, so why not feel that on the outside as well?
“We’ve been at this for years, are you ever going to be done with me?” Stacy pauses and I let out a deep breath.