She knew what would follow. She knew it painfully well, especially when he took her hands in his and started talking in a tone in which someone speaks to a child who didn’t understand that they’d done something they shouldn’t have.
“You are a super sweet girl and I really enjoyed our time together,” he told her, only to have her interrupt him.
“But?” she asked, trying to stay calm, while all she wanted to do was burst into tears, for making such a fool of herself.
“But…” he repeated, continuing, “I’m really not into this whole conventional boyfriend-girlfriend thing. It’s just not for me.”
Suddenly, she was hopeful. So, he wasn’t saying no to her. He was saying no to an old school idea of what a relationship should be, something that she herself didn’t adhere to. She had to find out more.
“What are you into, then?” she asked, curious to know.
“It’s a bit… unorthodox,” he grinned, but she could see that he was a little uncomfortable talking about this.
“You can trust me,” she told him, squeezing his hand.
She almost felt like the tables had turned and now it was her turn to help him feel better. He was silent for a while and she let him be. She wanted him to feel like he had all the time in the world and that she would never push him into talking to her. He needed to do it on his own, if he wanted to, of course.
“I’m polyamorous,” he finally told her, and his face revealed a sense of relief.
“Polyamorous?” she repeated.
She remembered when she’d read about it for the first time a while back and she had thought how it perfectly summed up what she wanted. The consensual, ethical and responsible romantic relationship with several people and all of them being involved together. She never thought, not in a million years, that there were other people like her out there. She always thought she was a freak of nature for wanting something that was so different from the conventional idea of what a romantic relationship should be. She always wondered why that was so. If all the people in this relationship loved and cared for each other, why would it matter that there was more than two of them? It was all about love and respect, after all. The number should be irrelevant.
“Yes, it’s when you have multiple partners and everyone is okay with it,” he explained, nodding.
“I know what it is,” she smiled.
Her reaction confused him. She guessed it was probably because he himself only found a lack of understanding, every time he mentioned something like this to someone. But, not her. She understood exactly what he wanted, and she knew she could provide that for him. They could all provide that for each other and be truly happy.
“Well, you’re the first,” he replied, with that same look of confusion and disbelief on his face.
“It’s weird how much you can have in common with someone, without even realizing it at first.”
“That’s true,” he nodded.
“So, are you interested in experimenting a little with this?” she whispered, not believing that she had the courage to talk to him like this, as if she was so self-confident.
Maybe Dorian’s cockiness rubbed off on you a little, she thought to herself and smiled.
r /> “What do you have in mind?”
“I’m kinda messing around with someone, actually, with two guys, and it’s more than messing around, really. I think we really clicked and it’s just… amazing.”
“Why do you need me then?” he wondered, rightfully so.
“I need you,” she said, simply. “I like you. I liked you from the first moment I saw you.”
She still couldn’t believe that it was her mouth and her tongue these words were rolling off of. It was incredible. She felt so light, so liberated, finally able to express her wishes and desires, without any fear of reproach.
“Then, what was all this ‘you’re a bad guy’ crap all about?”
“Well, you are shady, you have to admit that much,” she giggled quietly. “I still think you are. But, I also think there is more hiding beneath your tough guy persona. There is something you’re not telling me.”
She almost heard him swallow heavily. It was like he didn’t really like what she’d just said but he remained quiet.
“It’s okay,” she smiled. “You don’t have to tell me anything. I trust my hunches, they are usually right and with you, it’s a good feeling.”
“It is?” he asked.