He cocks a brow, unimpressed. And that act is still just as heart-stopping as it’s always been.
“Does this feel good? Does it feel good to punish me for something your father is doing?” he asks, his deep voice merely a whisper. That small dose of victory turns into a pool, and then a flood as pain lances across his eyes.
Does he hate me yet? Does he feel what real love feels like?
You can’t truly love someone if you’ve never hated them. Two sides to a double-edged sword, and they both cut fucking deep.
“It feels like I’m finally setting myself free,” I spit.
He nods slowly, his piercing gaze assessing.
“And you said you didn’t have daddy issues,” he muses, stepping away from me. It makes my heart skip, seeing him pull away.
The flood of victory has made its wave through my body, and now the tide is pulling it back, and I’m beginning to feel the ramifications.
He takes another step away and angles his body towards the doors. A crater has formed, filling with an ocean that divides us. It’s funny how this is the furthest I’ve felt from him, even when hundreds of miles separated us.
A seed of panic sprouts, but maybe that’s just adrenaline. Because the way Zade peers at me now, it looks as if he’s going to choose himself. He’s going to lash out, and I will be the one left hanging.
“Please, baby, run free then. Show me how far you get before you realize you’re only running from yourself. How long will you last when I possess everything that gives you life?”
My chest tightens, but I laugh, mocking him as he mocks me. “You possess nothing but a demon in your body.”
He ignores me. “Your heart, your soul, and your very breath. Run, little mouse. This time, no one will be chasing you.”
His last words choke me, and then he walks through my room and out of the door, softly closing it behind him.
Shit. I suck in a breath but only wheeze when my lungs refuse to work. Shit, shit, shit.
I turn, and work to keep breathing but it feels as if I’m tightening my lungs further, reducing them to tiny metal wires that slice through my insides with every inhale.
Stop it, Addie. This is the right decision.
Is it, though?
You’re protecting your family.
Then why does it feel like I’ve alienated my very soul from my body? Pushed it out as if it didn’t belong there.
You don’t need him to survive, Addie.
No, I don’t. I’ve proven that to be true during the months where I was forced to do nothing but survive. I can live without Zade.
But that doesn’t mean it won’t fucking hurt. That doesn’t mean I won’t live without a large piece of myself missing. Like losing a limb, I’d always feel him even when he’s no longer a part of me. Does that make me weak? Dependent?
Or just someone madly in love.
Shit.
I pace the balcony, panic forcing my body into a malfunctioning state. Back and forth, screaming at myself to run after him, and fear turning my body right back around.
He could reject me. I was callous, and a complete asshole when he’s shredded the world apart to get back to me. And what do I do? Push him away.
Fuck. I went from blaming myself, to blaming the one person who’s done everything for me.
I freeze for a beat, and then drop into a crouch, feeling like a bulldozer just ran through me.
“Addie, you fucking idiot,” I growl to myself.