I did this.Alcy had never been so ashamed of his actions.
He scooped Carter into his arms. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have assumed.” He brushed a kiss against Carter’s forehead. “I thought you’d chosen Beez.”
Carter widened his eyes. “Seriously? You’vebothgiven me something... like I said, I don’t even have the words to describe it, not if I wanted to do it justice. I mean, yes, Beez was amazing, butyou?” Carter took Alcy’s hand in his, and the warmth in his gaze melted Alcy into a puddle of awe and humility. “You did something no one else has done. You made me think. Understand. Feel better about myself.” Carter smiled, and the light in his eyes was beautiful to behold. “I don’t know about you, but to me that’s every bit as important as what I did with Beez.” He snuggled into Alcy’s embrace. “The truth is, I feel... free when I’m with the two of you. And I can’t explain that, not after I’ve known you for so little time, but somehow… you don’t make demands of me, wanting me to choose my future, expecting me to have my life all figured out.”
Carter trembled and Alcy tightened his grip, as if the strength in his arms was enough to hold Carter together.
Another heartfelt sigh rolled from Carter’s lips. “My parents, my friends, my professors… They all think I should know where my future leads, see the path I’m meant to travel. But whenIlook down that road, all I see are hazy gray clouds. There’s no sunlight to guide me. Nothing.” Carter’s face fell. “So I have to forge ahead, alone, because no one else understands how I’m feeling.”
“Lost? Insecure? Scared?” Alcy stroked Carter’s hair. “Afraid to face a future that might grab hold of you and not let you go, imprisoning you in a life you don’t want?”
Carter tilted his head back, his eyes wide. “You do understand.”
He pressed another kiss to Carter’s forehead. “I do.” He snuggled Carter closer. “You want to know one of the major misconceptions people have? They think life is linear. You start at point A and you end up at point Z.” Alcy smiled. “But it’s not like that at all. You mightstartat point A, but you wouldn’t believe how many detours there are before you even reach point B. And so it continues. It’s like that for everyone, but they tend to forget it while they’re busy chasing their goals.” He tilted Carter’s chin upward with a couple of fingers. “You haven’t even decided on what you want out of life, so the thought of the end is, at best, nebulous. Those gray clouds you’re seeing? You’re waiting for them to part, to show you what comes next, but trust me when I tell you, the life you will lead is going to be nothing short of amazing.”
“How can you be so certain?”
Alcy smiled. “Becauseyouare amazing. I’ve been doing this since time immemorial, and I have to say, you are one of the most amazing individuals I’ve met onmyjourney.”
They sat there quietly for a time, Alcy stroking a hand over Carter’s back, enjoying the closeness. Carter’s hair smelled of vanilla, his skin was soft, his breath was sweet. He was—
“Alcy?”
“Hmm?”
“Ask you a question?”
“Ask anything you like.”
Carter sighed and leaned into him. “Can you tell me what it’s like to be a host?”
The question shocked Alcy into stillness. He cast his mind back over the millennia, searching for any recollection of having been asked that before.
There’d been no one. Not a single soul.
To the last person, they’d all wondered what Alcy—and probably Beez—could do for them. It didn’t concern them that Alcy had thoughts and feelings. He was there to servethem. And now Carter, the guy who was already throwing Alcy off his game, had turned Alcy’s existence upside down.
He thought about the best way to frame his answer. “It’s... well, imagine the best job in the world. For me, that is what being a host is. I get to help people reach their goals. Whether that’s to make friends, or to help them become better at their job, or learn a foreign language.”
“People call you for those things?” Carter frowned. “I don’t understand.”
There were times when Alcy didn’t either.
“The majority of humans are insecure about so many things,” he told Carter. “They think they have to live a certain way or know specific things to make them liked. They care what others think about them, and then try to mold their lives to fit in with them.” Alcy sighed. “It doesn’t work like that, but as a host, it’s what you’re there to do. So… you teach them, work with them, help them achieve a goal that probably won’t make them happy long-term. The thing is, once you’ve used the book, you don’t get a do-over. The host comes, helps you with whatever, and then moves on to the next assignment.”
It was as if he’d flipped a switch, plunging the room into icy depths.
Carter’s gasp echoed. “Wait. No. That’s not right.” He stared at Alcy, all trace of color gone from his cheeks. “Are you saying that when you and Beez are done, I’ll never see you again? I mean, can’t the three of us... I don’t know... hang out as friends or something?”
And there he was again, proving himself to be so different from everyone Alcy had ever dealt with. Once a host finished an assignment, they faded into the background, becoming nothing more than a pleasant memory, the soft, warm feeling that occurred when the sight of something brought back memories of a special time.
“It’s more likely that when we’re done, you’ll forget about us,” Alcy assured him. “I mean, you’ll keep the feelings of this time, but the memories will fade and—”
Carter jumped up. “No!” His eyes were wild. “No, I won’t. I can’t.”
Fear filtered through him. “Carter? What’s wrong?”
Beez snapped into the room, and Alcy breathed easier. Beez took one look at Carter’s panicked expression, and rushed over to him. Carter clung to him, then reached out and tugged Alcy into the fierce hug.