It pains me to think this, but I love her...even though she may not be my wife.
****
Autumn’s embarrassed about what happened. She thinks someone might’ve seen her slaking her lust on the crazy patient. This must be tough on her. Being seen with me that is; the prim and proper little candy striper with the not so proper guy with amnesia.
She breathes and lowers her gaze whenever someone looks at us and hesitates once we’re outside the shrink’s office. The shrink thinks she could be a distraction but I insist on her being there, otherwise I won’t do it. She relaxes me immensely. Without her there’s mayhem and with her there’s haven. And to a man like me a harbor, a place where I can anchor myself means everything.
I’m aware of what I’ve done. I know I’ve anchored myself to Autumn without asking for her permission and I know it must be hard for her to navigate me when I’m like this. From what she’s told me, I wasn’t like this before. I was some kind of a smooth operator but now I’m an Autumn operator.
The only thing I work is her.
“You need to lie down on the couch,” Autumn whispers when I don’t respond to the shrink’s request. I don’t do it on purpose. I just don’t pay any attention to anything other than her when she’s around. “Go ahead,” she nods. “Do it.”
Lying down, I put my head on the armrest and the shrink takes a seat. Autumn remains in the corner and she seems worried about something. Wrapping her arms around her, she glances at the closed door and I tense.
She wouldn’t leave. Not after the connection we just shared. Not when I’ve given her everything I had and she could already be pregnant. She stays and I ease. Good, this is what I want. I make myself more comfortable and the shrink starts purring things in shrink language.
Whatever he’s saying, it’s working because I enter some kind of trance.
He asks me questions, probing into my past and everything’s blurry except for Autumn. She couldn’t be any clearer. It’s like I’m watching her through a magnifying glass. She’s walking down the street and I’m right behind her. Autumn seems on edge about something and she throws a glance over her shoulder but she doesn’t lock eyes with me.
Why doesn’t she lock eyes with me? It’s as if she doesn’t see me and yet I’m right there. Maybe she doesn’t know me...
Frowning, I feel my body harden. What the fuck?
There must be something wrong with the memory and it dissipates and gets replaced with another one. This one makes even less sense. I’m in someone’s office but I can’t see the person’s face. The door opens and Autumn walks in, gasping when our eyes lock.
I run hot, thrills raking down my spine at the sight of her but then she lets out a low cry and runs out. I frown, wondering why she was so scared and then I look down at my hand...
And my hand is squeezing a thick throat.
I’m done with this bullshit memory retrieval but the shrink isn’t and another memory pops. It’s raining, the streets are flooded and I’m running...no, I’m chasing something, a figure in front of me, wearing a hoodie over their head.
Fuck, it’s them that I’m chasing.
Emotions burn in me. There’s a need to protect and shelter whoever it is that I’m tracking. And the need is so strong that I can’t feel anything else. I have only one purpose. To catch my prey and I flood with panic when the prey runs over a scraggly bridge that doesn’t look secure.
Over the rain and the storm, I hear myself call, “Wait! I care about you. I just want to talk.”
The longing in my voice is unmistakable and the prey turns around, her face shining white in the dark.Autumn. Racing over the bridge, I try catching her but she’s already on the other side. And I’m midway when I feel the wood break under my boots and I fall.
There’s a ravine beneath and I reach out with my arm, roaring, “Autuuumn...”
“Autumn!” I bellow, my eyes flaring open. “Autumn! Autumn!”
It takes me a while to realize I’m screaming in the office and I drag a breath, rising. The shrink looks like he just wet his pants and Autumn’s cowering in the corner. She’s staring at me like I’m out of my mind and I look down. I’ve clawed at my chest, left stripes of red behind and Autumn whimpers when I walk over to her.
I corner her, feeling her heart frantically beat when our chests brush and she’s staring up at me like she doesn’t know who the hell she’s gotten herself entangled with. Cupping her face I growl, “Why was I chasing you?”
And why the fuck was she running like she was scared of me?
Shaking her head, she moans that she has no idea.
“Autumn,” I warn, rubbing my thumb over the pulse on her throat. “Tell me the truth.”
“I was running because I thought you could be dangerous and I must be crazy for getting this attached,” she whispers, glancing at the shrink and I don’t like her looking at him. I don’t like her looking at any man. It drives me wild with jealousy and it gets worse when the shrink declares he’s going to call security.
Why the fuck would we need security? Because he thinks I’m a threat to Autumn?