He hadn't left for class. He'd been in the apartment. The truth was as cold as the weather. Ollie had gone back to him, and Cam hadn't wanted to see me.
I saw Cam around campus a lot over the next few weeks. It seemed we had a schedule that placed us near each other and every time I saw him, he was with Jase or, like the day before, with Steph.
Whenever I saw him with her, there was a nasty little feeling that settled in my stomach. I had no right to that feeling. I knew that, but it didn't stop me from wanting to take off and karate-chop Steph into next week.
But that wasn't the worse part of spotting him. Most times he would see me, and if our gazes collided, he always looked away. It was like we hadn't been friends for almost five months or that we hadn't shared any intimate moments. It was like we didn't even know each other.
It reminded me of how things had become with my friends in high school after the Halloween party. As if our time together had been erased.
On Friday, a small opening occurred. Cam was alone, crossing the main street, heading toward Knutti, his head down and hands shoved into the pockets of his hoodie.
"Cam!" I yelled his name so suddenly that it caused a rather pathetic sounding coughing fit that was leftover from my cold.
He stopped, lifting his chin. Wisps of dark hair curled out from under the knit cap he wore.
I struggled up the rest of the hill, chest and legs aching. Out of breath, I stopped in front of him. "Sorry," I croaked out, taking several deep breaths. "Need a second."
His brows knitted. "You sound terrible."
"Yeah, it's the Black Death and it never goes away." I cleared my throat, forcing my eyes to meet his. For a moment, as I stared into those crystalline eyes, I forgot why I had forced him to stop.
Something crossed his face and then he averted his gaze, a muscle thumping in his jaw. "I've got to get to class, so…?"
Cam in a hurry to get to class? The apocalypse was about to occur. I fought the urge to just walk away at that point, because it was painfully obvious he had no interest in this conversation, but I stood my ground. I owed it to him.
"I just wanted to say thank you for helping Brit out when I was sick."
His lips pursed as he focused on something beyond me. "It's not a big deal."
"It was to me," I said quietly, wishing he'd look at me. "So thank you."
Cam nodded curtly and then took a deep breath. His gaze flickered back to me and then away. His shoulders tensed. "You're welcome."
"Well…" I ran out of something to say because everything that came to mind shouldn't be spoken. Like I'm sorry for being such a bitch. And I wish you hadn't seen the scar.
"I've got to go," he said finally, backing toward the side entrance of the building, where several students smoked. "I'll see you around."
"I'm sorry," I blurted out, my heart stuttering.
Cam turned around, eyes narrowed and it was like he was waiting for something, but then he shook his head. "Me too."
I didn't stop him again.
Tears burned the back of my throat and somehow I made it to English 102, which was in the same building as him. The morning was a numb blur and when I met with Jacob and Brit in the den for lunch, I barely followed their conversation as I picked at my sandwich. I think they were used to it though, because neither of them pointed it out.
As Brit and I walked to Whitehall for economics, I told her about my run in with Cam. "He didn't want anything to do with me."
"I don't think that's the case, Avery."
"Oh, it is. He was in a hurry to get the hell away from me. Actually said he couldn't be late for class, and come on, Cam never cares about that."
Brit tugged her cap down over her ears as we stopped near the pavilion in front of the social sciences building. "Can I be real with you?"
"Yes."
She clasped her glove covered hands together. "You know I love you, right? So I'm just going to put this out there. You avoided Cam since Thanksgiving, and to me, to him, and baby Jesus, it seems like that was what you wanted. For him to just go away."
I opened my mouth, but what could I say. That was what I wanted.
"And so he has gone away. You can't blame him for that. The guy is only going to put up with so much, you know?" She pursed her lips. "And after ignoring him for that long, he's probably not going to be thrilled talking to you."
"I know," I admitted. "It's just…"
"You've finally pulled your head out of your ass and you're worried it's too late?"
Was that it? I wasn't sure, but I hoped not, because at least with my head in my ass, it was a little less depressing.
"Give it some time," she said, dropping her arm around my shoulders. "If he doesn't come around, then fuck him."
"Fuck him," I repeated, but I really didn't feel it.
Brit squeezed me anyway. "That's my girl."
Friday night, I stared at my econ homework, convinced it was a totally different language designed to confuse the hell out of people. Concentrating was proving difficult for several reasons. Several times I found myself staring at the TV screen, not really seeing what was on the television, my head going in different directions, most of them leading back to Cam.
I was getting sick of myself.
My phone suddenly went off, ringing from deep inside my bag. Digging it out, I groaned when I saw the caller's name . My cousin. I was a bit surprised that he was actually calling me after the dozens of emails I'd ignored.
But the fact that he was calling me is what made me bite the bullet and answer.
"Hello," I said, my voice monotone.
There was a silent moment and then, "You answered the phone?"
"Why wouldn't I?" Yeah, that sounded ridiculous even to me. "What's up, David?"
"Have you've read any of my emails?" The uppityness that was normally in his tone was absent. Shocking.
"Ah, I read one or two, but I've been busy, with college and all." I stood and nudged my bag under the coffee table. "So…"
David's sigh was quite audible. "You don't know anything? Have your parents tried to contact you?"
I snorted. "Um, no. They forgot my birthday."
"Sorry about that," he replied, and I could practically see his cringe. "I thought that they might have tried to tell you about what's been going on here. It sort of has to do with you."
Walking into the kitchen, I frowned as I grabbed a soda out of the fridge. "How does anything back there have anything to do with me?"
There was a pause and the bomb of all bombs was dropped. "It's about Blaine Fitzgerald. He's been arrested."
The can of soda skipped from my fingers and clanged off the floor. It rolled under the table. I stood there, staring at the fridge. "What?"
"He's been arrested, Avery. That's why I've been trying to get a hold of you. I thought… I don't know, I thought you would like to know."
My legs felt weak, so I turned and clutched the counter with one hand. The room tilted like I was sick again.
"Avery, are you there?"
"Yes," I said, swallowing. "What happened?"
"It was at the start of summer, but it was kept quiet until about the middle of August, when he was arrested. There was a party being thrown. Some younger kids were there from what I heard," he explained, and I closed my eyes. "It was a girl you went to school with. I think she was a year younger than you-Molly Simmons."
I remembered seeing her name in one of his emails and assuming something totally different. "What… did he do?"
David didn't answer immediately. "He was charged with sexual assault and several other offenses. He goes to trial in June, but has been out on bail. It's not looking good for him. There's a lot of evidence. The only reason I know any of this is because his father came to mine to represent his case. My father turned the case down. I want you to know that."
I didn't know what to say to that. Thank you for not representing the asshole? I didn't know what to say at all. I was stunned. I'd always wondered if Blaine had done what he'd done to me to someone else and if my silence would enable him to do it again. I had hoped not-I'd prayed that wouldn't be the case.
"The girl he… raped contacted your family."
I didn't know what I was more shocked about: the fact that this girl contacted my family or that David had actually said rape. "What? Why? I haven't said anything. I've kept my-"
"I know, Avery. I know you didn't say anything, but she went to the same high school as you. She heard the rumors about you and Blaine, and well, she put two and two together. She went to your parents first and I'm sure you know how well that went."
I needed to sit down before I fell down.
"When they refused to even speak to her, she came to me." David paused. "I didn't tell her anything, Avery. That's not my place, but I think she's been trying to get a hold of you. I don't know how she got your information."
"I don't think she has." I plopped down on the couch. Then again, I deleted almost every email I didn't recognize. "The girl? Is she… okay? I mean, did she seem like she was okay?"
David cleared his throat. "Honestly? No."
Rubbing my brow, I let out a low breath. "Of course she's not. That was a stupid question."
"You might want to, uh, check your email or something. She really seemed like she needed to talk to you and that was back in August."
"I can't say anything to her. If I do and it gets out, his family will sue me and my family for millions." Bile rose in my throat. "It's a part of my nondisclosure."
"I know," David said. "But like I said, I thought you'd like to know what is happening."
My head was full of so much I could barely pick one question to ask. "And the charges? You think they're going to stick? That's he's going to go to jail?"
"From what Father has seen, the charges are going to stick. He's going to go to prison, Avery, at least for several years."
My eyes fluttered open. Relief swamped me, so potent, so powerful that it was like having a ton of bricks removed from my chest. Never in my wildest hopes had I expected this. Blaine wasn't going to jail because of what he had done to me, but justice was being served. Finally. I just hated that this had to happen to another girl-a girl who probably faced a terrible amount of censure for coming forward, but had stuck to it. A bit of the relief turned into guilt and shame. What if I had told my parents no? What if I had held my ground? This might not have happened to Molly. And only God knows how many other girls this could've happen to that we'd never know about. My stomach roiled at the thought.