I should have embraced her. I should have pulled her close and held her tight as the waves continued breaking around us, screaming their protest and delight. I should have…but I didn’t.
“I want you to leave, Elly. There’s nothing more between us.” I couldn’t look at her as I said the words. Not even when she began to sob beside me, her fingers still clasped around my arm.
“Sebastian.”
“I want you to go away,” I repeated through gritted teeth. I yanked my arm away from her, and she let out a gasp.
“I want you gone.” I said the words again so I would believe them.
“Okay. I’ll go. But, Sebastian…” she said, just loud enough for me to hear. “Just so you know. The reason I couldn’t go through with the contract was…is…because I…I love you. And because I love you, I know I’m breaking my promise to you. I’m sorry, Sebastian. I wish…I wish…”
Her voice faltered. I couldn’t stop myself from turning to her.
“I wish we’d never met,” she said. “Because then you would’ve never been able to break my heart as you have.” And with that, she ran back to the house.
It’s painful to lose yourself along your journey. But there is no pain greater than that of losing someone who has loved you. And who you…
I stayed at the beach all night, sitting cross-legged in the sand. I didn’t move an inch, not until sunrise and even then, it was only hours later that I returned home. When the sun beating against my back became unbearable.
When I stepped through the doorway, the house was too quiet. Even without going to investigate, I knew I’d lost her. Elly was gone.
CHAPTER36
SEBASTIAN
The next few days were a blur. In the mornings, I managed to get out of bed, dress, and go for a run. Then I’d return, close all my blinds and doors and crawl back under the covers.
It went on like that for days, I lost count how many. I didn’t go to work, I stopped answering my phone. I didn’t even know where I’d put it and at some point, it must have run out of battery, so even if I wanted to find it, it would have taken too long. Too much energy. The energy I didn’t have. So, I slept and slept. Saw no one. Talked to no one. And slept some more.
On one of these days of moping around, there was a knock on the door. I had it in my head to just ignore it and go back to bed when the visitor knocked again. With more intention this time. I knew that knock well.
Father. What does he want?
We sat at the kitchen table in a dead man’s spell. There wasn’t anything I could think of to say and he looked just as lost as I felt. He took a sip of his glass of water.
“We haven’t seen you at the office, Sebastian. Have you forgotten you have a job?” His voice was not reproachful, though his words seemed to be headed that way.
I shrugged. I hadn’t given a thought to work in the last how many days. I’d also assumed I’d been fired.
Father continued to study me. “You don’t look well, boy. When was the last time you ate?”
I shrugged again.
He pulled something out of his pocket and placed it in front of me. It was a chocolate bar. My favorite chocolate bar from when I was a kid. I used to go crazy for these. You could only find them in one sweetshop around here, and that was on the other side of town. A good, long drive away for a chocolate bar.
I felt crushed by it.
“Open it. Have a bite before it melts in this godforsaken heat,” Father commanded. In his way, he was apologizing, though he had nothing to apologize for. I was the guilty party here. I tore the top open and took a bite.
I chewed slowly. Finally, I spoke.
“I’m sorry, Father. About what I did. Honestly, I don’t know what came over me. When you talked about passing on the company, I—”
Father raised his hand to speak. I fell quiet.
“I know you, Sebastian. It wasn’t the company you wanted. It was my approval. I am sorry, my son, if I ever made you feel as if I wasn’t proud of you. I am proud of you and I love you. That is not to say I am not disappointed with you.” He leaned forward over the table and patted my back.
“Thank you, Father. What I did to you and Elonzo…it’s unforgivable,” I whispered.