“Oh no, you don’t. I’m keeping it. It…it reminds me that you are human too, sometimes. And not just a walking robot businessman.” I meant it as a joke but once the words were between us, something changed. It was like a lock clicked and was open. We stared at each other, trying to figure out what it was we were supposed to do now.
“I think I need to wash myself off,” he finally said.
I nodded, but his eyes stayed on me. And mine on him.
“Care for a swim?” he finally asked.
“A swim?”
“In the ocean. In this humidity, that’s all I’m craving right now.”
A swim in the ocean. With Sebastian. With soil stuck between our hair and toes, and words between us that we couldn’t quite understand. An hour ago, I was ready to not talk to him for the rest of the year. Now, I was following him, beach towel in hand, down the path to the private beach we hadn’t yet visited together. This would be a first.
I could feel it in my gut that something was about to happen. Something that would change everything. And yet…I kept walking, barefoot across the golden sand.
* * *
That first year after Dad left, we rarely visited the beach. Mom was always busy, and there never seemed to be a moment of slowing down. A part-time job here, a part-time job there. And I was always there with her, a sketchbook in hand, a book or a skipping rope to keep me occupied as she scrambled through her tasks. And I do mean scrambled. She never looked like she could slow down. Or ever have the time to take just one break.
“That first time we went to the beach after Dad left us…I don’t even know how to describe it. It was like we had walked into another world. And we came out as a different version of ourselves. Mom was smiling and I think I lost my sketchbook that I had filled with drawings of cats with sad faces. It’s pretty depressing, now that I’m thinking about it,” I said, a half-hearted attempt at a smile on my lips.
We were sitting on the beach as the summer sun was slowly retreating for the day. It was peaceful. The sound of salt and pebbles brushing against each other, the shhh, shhh, shhh made me feel drowsy.
“It’s not depressing. You went through something so tragic, and if that was your outlet, it was pretty low-key. At least you didn’t start hijacking cars from your neighbors and crashing them into dumpsters.” Sebastian settled back to watch the sky changing colors as the lights around us slowly dimmed.
I glanced over at him. “I’m guessing you are referring to yourself?”
He merely grinned up at me.
We sat like that, not saying anything for quite a while until Sebastian broke the silence. “Can I ask you something?”
I was deep in faraway thoughts, watching the waves grow in patterns, moving forward and back, forward and back. “Mmm?”
“Why are you so afraid of rebelling?” he asked. “Like with your tennis, and your mom.”
I frowned at the question. “I’m not afraid of rebelling. I just don’t see the point of doing something against someone’s wishes if it will just bring them pain.” I said defensively.
He sat back up, turning fully to me. “I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. But…have you ever thought that maybe you are hurting yourself by only doing things by the rules?” His eyes were focused on me. Those same eyes that had caught mine back then in the lobby. The sparkle I had felt even across the room then. His wet hair now fell across his forehead. The muscles on his arms bulged. Why did he have to be so infuriating and handsome? Infuriatingly handsome?
And cold?
I shivered.
“Did you feel that?” He suddenly said, his eyes shooting to the sky.
“Feel…?” I echoed, and then I felt it too. No, not a spark between us but a droplet falling on my nose. And then another by my ear and on my shoulders, the skin of my belly, my thighs, and my toes. “Is that rain?”
Sebastian stood up and offered me his hand. I took it, my other hand reaching towards the sky to catch the little droplets.
“Shall we head back?” He grabbed a towel from the sand. But the droplets felt so refreshing after the days of the beating sun, I didn’t want to leave. Not now. Not just yet.
“I…I think I want another swim,” I said.
Sebastian’s eyes caught mine and he dropped the towel. “Race you there, then, Tennis Star.” With a grin, he galloped off down the beach towards the water.
“Hey!” I called after him. “That’s not fair. I wasn’t ready!” I raced after him, straight into the water. With one sweep of his arm, he splashed the parts of my body that were still dry and I squealed, retaliating with a splash of my own.
Soon, we were both drenched and were floating beside each other, letting the rain, gentle now, flow between us and onto us.