“You’re still having the same nightmares?”
I nod. “They don’t stop. I have the same one over and over again.”
“With the crest?”
“Yes.” I bite the inside of my lip.
His shoulders relax and he looks like he’s considering something, but I don’t know what. We haven’t spoken about my nightmares or the crest in weeks. I thought he’d brushed it off, even if he believed me.
“I spoke to your father about the crest, and I looked into it.”
A rake of shivers climbs up my spine, and my jaw loosens. There’s no way he would have spoken to my father or looked into anything if he didn’t think it was important. Or suspect something.
“Did you find anything out?”
“No. And your father said he didn’t know the Butyrskayas. He thinks you must have seen something similar to the crest here.”
When I sigh and look away, he guides my face back to his.
“I still believe you.” He nods.
“But it’s just my word.”
“It’s enough.”
“Thank you for believing me. What do you think it all means, Desmier? You wouldn’t have asked him about the crest if there was no meaning. Please tell me.” I can see there’s more on his mind, but he’s holding back. Like always.
“Maybe we shouldn’t talk about this now. You’re already distressed.”
My nerve endings spike, pushing me to try and get him to tell me what he knows. “If you know something,pleasetell me. I’ve been like this for nearly ten years. Everyone has told me not to worry about my nightmares because they aren’t real, but I know my mind is trying to tell me something. Something that will help me remember things I shouldn’t have forgotten. Please.”
Although he keeps his gaze on me, I can practically see his mind working.
Working and churning through his thoughts. Everything he’s allowed me to know has been carefully thought out and microscopically calculated. Whether it’s him or Ehlga telling me. Nothing has been divulged to me simply because it’s fair for me to know.
I wouldn’t even dare ask him what Viktor meant about his father taking out the trash when he spoke about Desmier’s mother. He knew I heard, and he hasn’t said anything. Granted, the opportunity hasn’t come up, and I don’t think it will unless I broach it. This is different because we’ve already spoken about it. And we’re talking about it now.
He presses his lips together and releases a breath. Hope fills me when he looks like he’s going to tell me.
“That particular crest is special,” he breathes. “But your father doesn’t seem to know that. In fact, I’m sure he doesn’t. So you are not to make him any wiser. I mean it. You have to keep that secret, Anastasia.”
The lump in my throat grows bigger, and my body feels numb like it does after I’ve woken up from my nightmares. “I promise I won’t say anything. What makes the crest special?”
“You don’t have to worry about that part. What’s odd is, you shouldn’t have been at wherever it was you saw the crest. And not during the time period you’re talking about.”
“Oh God.” I bring my hand up to my head and breathe deeper past my shallow breaths.
“This has to do with your father, and it can’t be anything good.”
“Do you believe he didn’t know the Butyrskayas?”
“No, I don’t. Even though I can’t find anything that links him to them. Everything he said checks out. But my gut tells me different.”
Oh, Dad. What did you do? What more did you do?“I think something really bad happened to me. If so, I don’t know why my parents wouldn’t tell me. They told me about the car accident, and that was horrific.”
“Maybe whatever happened was something worse. Or something else.”
Knowing my dad, it’s both.