I consider holding back. After all, last night, I was nothing more than the stalker who killed her shithead husband before flipping her life upside down.
Tonight, she’s looking at me like I’m her dream guy. Is that just her survival instinct kicking in? I don’t want to end up a fool again. If any woman could override my common sense, it’s the gorgeous blonde smiling at me right now.
I make this decision by asking the same question I have since I was a kid.If I died tomorrow, would I regret what I did today?
Never knowing Landry’s lips would be an unbearable disappointment. For months, I’ve wanted a taste. All those hours hiding in the woods behind her house return to me. I recall the bugs feasting off me and the cold ground numbing my ass. I suffered like an idiot for a fleeting glimpse of this sexy woman.
Now, Landry’s within reach. So, I cover her lips with mine and inhale my addiction. Savoring her flavor, I deepen the kiss. My dick rages awake, demanding more.
Landry doesn’t push me away or hesitate. She lets me lead. I imagine her doing the same with Neal and the assholes before him. Landry’s strong in her own bubble. When with her kids, she gets into a groove. Yet, she isn’t a strong woman overall. I’ve watched her get pushed around by everyone from a grocery cashier to other people’s kids.
None of those assholes can bully with half as much zeal as me. The Steel Berserkers Motorcycle Club squeezed everyone back in the day. I once made a kid give me a quarter from her lemonade stand. I could tell the little priss would be a big shot in the future. Best for her to understand early on how living in the Valley came at a price.
The kid grew up to run one of our weed farms. I’d been right about her like I am about Landry. When I don’t ignore the obvious, I see the world clearly.
And right now, I see how Landry craves safety more than me.
Once I free my lips from hers, Landry studies me before reaching for my dick. I nearly dive off the bed to get away from her.
“Don’t,” I say with enough ferocity to startle her.
Landry doesn’t shrink in fear. She only flinches before going still. I wonder if she’s waiting for me to hit her.
“I want to wait,” I say when she silently watches me. “You’re on bed rest, and I’m not the most tender lover.”
“It’s not that kind of bed rest,” she says, finding her voice. “I won’t go into labor early or anything.”
“No, you’ll just be in pain.”
Landry watches me in the same blank way she used to look at Neal. It’s not hostile in any way. She might as well be looking at a fucking wall.
“Don’t close yourself off from me,” I mutter as I pace across the room.
“I want to fool around, but you act like I’m gross.”
“No, I keep telling you why.”
“Those don’t seem like real reasons. Why can’t I suck you off? That won’t affect my ligaments or whatever.”
“Can I go down on you?”
“No way,” she says, scooting away. “I don’t want the first time you see my pussy to be all, well, whatever the hell it looks like right now.”
No longer pacing, I ask, “So, we’ll wait?”
“I can do things for you.”
“But you don’t really want to,” I reply before asking, “Do you even like sex?”
Landry’s gaze reveals everything, even before she shrugs. “I don’t hate it. Sex is like an errand to run. I don’t think much about it, one way or the other.”
Resting next to her, I try to get us back on track by sharing, “My first time was a few weeks before I turned thirteen. I’d been at Eagle’s house. We were drinking shitty wine he swiped from his grandma. One of the local girls who hung out with us decided she wanted to fuck me. Even then, I knew she really wanted Ruin’s attention, but he was fucked out by the time she showed up.”
“Was it any good?”
“God no. It felt gross. Like she shoved my dick into her body and moved around all overly dramatic-like. Lots of moaning as if she wanted Ruin to hear and get jealous,” I say, rolling my eyes at how lame we were back then. “I felt like I was going to piss inside her. I mean, I’d jacked off before, obviously. But it felt weird to do that inside a chick’s body.”
Landry’s wary gaze softens as she listens. Sensing she’s chilling out, I keep talking.