LANDRY
I’ve never had an addictivepersonality. I tend to move from one thing to another without gaining an obsession. Besides my kids, I’ve been lukewarm toward most things in my life.
However, I can imagine myself becoming addicted to Silas’s body. My fingers stroke his muscled arm as he shows me pictures on his phone. Silas’s fair blue eyes focus on me whenever I touch him. I instantly smile at his attention.
Earlier, Silas spoke of Brigitte belonging to him. The doting daddy thing is something I’ve never really appreciated. My father wasn’t loving until he got overly so and I had to run away from home.
Neal never played with his kids. He rarely spoke to them. Though he often lied to people about how talented they were, he wasn’t genuinely interested in them. I’ve never seen any fathers around Beehive Ridge lavish attention on their children. I figured those loving dads in movies and on TV were as real as alien invasions and fairy godmothers.
Or maybe I hang out with losers. After all, Silas might not be comfortable with the kids yet, but he still tries. At lunch, Beckett kept showing his food to the giant man. Silas would nod and repeat back whatever he thought my son was saying. It was the cutest damn thing.
Silas might make a great dad. I don’t really know. But him claiming Brigitte as his baby means he hasn’t written me off yet. I can still make him happy. I did okay with losers like Neal, Ken, and Phil.
However, Silas is a sex god compared to them. The man has real options for a bed buddy. I remember hearing about the bikers’ clubhouse parties. I didn’t know where they took place, but a woman at Neal’s cousin’s birthday party said she went there and sampled so much cock. That chick was above average in the looks department. Definitely didn’t have three babies stretching out her lady parts.
I don’t know how I can compete with Silas’s other options. Or maybe he just wants a “baby mama” type. Kati offered him a child. He got into the idea of being a dad. After she fucked him over, Silas replaced her with a woman with a clown car uterus. Makes sense, for sure.
“This is Goose,” Silas says once he stops eyeballing my hand on his arm. “She’s our only girl member. Armor is her brother.”
“Her hair is redder.”
“Yeah, she tried going blonde but claimed people treated her like a ditz. I don’t know if that’s true. She likes to run her mouth.”
“Do you like her?”
“Of course. She’s a tough bitch. Funny and loyal. We grew up together in McMurdo Valley. Goose never had much interest in hanging out with girls. She claimed it was too much drama. She says the same thing when any of us guys show feelings. She’s got issues, you know? Her mom is a drama queen, always crying and fussing. Goose wants to be the opposite, I guess.”
“Will I meet Goose?”
“You’ll know my people, yeah,” he says, swiping through pictures from an outdoor club event. “You don’t have any family, do you?”
“Just my kids and Aunt Darlie.”
“Well, fuck her. You have me now.”
Smiling at Silas’s comment, I can’t take my eyes off him. I want to run my fingers through his beard. Oh, and sink them into his thick hair. Is it soft? I wonder if a thick bush of rough hair covers his broad chest. I think back to his thick-as-tree-trunk thighs.Good Lord, how massive must his cock be?
What the hell is wrong with me? I’m ready to climb on Silas and sniff him like an excited dog. No! I want him stripped down, so I can touch and taste and explore... Oh my God, I’m horny!
Never, not once, have I felt any interest in fucking. My mom explained sex was a thing men used to ruin women. Meeting a man’s lust with your own was a sign of inner failure.
“Your dad is obsessed with fucking,” she started sharing when I was eight. “It’s all he thinks about. He wasn’t raised right, and he has a sex addiction that made him evil. You’re part him, so you might be the same way.”
Of course, I never was. Sure, I’ve instigated sex with several men, knowing that’s what they wanted. Yet, my body was just going through the motions like when I take a trip to the store. I get everything on my list and stand in the slow line because that’s how it works. But I’m not crazy in love with the experience.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” Silas asks, narrowing his eyes.
“Like what?”