“Of me?”
“A little,” I admit since he’s all about honesty. “Mostly, I’m worried about what tomorrow looks like. Or next week. Everything changed so fast.”
“But you hide your fear.”
“It’s what people want. They claim otherwise, but I know the truth.”
“Tell your truth to me. When you hide, I can’t trust you.”
“Only if you face your fear of baby kicks,” I say, and he smirks at my teasing tone.
Silas’s huge hand seems to swallow up my bump. I suddenly picture it on my breast or between my legs. When our gazes meet, I wonder if he knows I’m thinking about fucking. Based on how his jaw clenches, I suspect he senses where my mind’s gone.
His eyes widen once Brigitte gives him a karate kick. A smile slips across his lips, changing his face from fearsome to sexy in an instant.
“Is she growing normal?”
“Yes. She’s perfect.”
“Your bump seems small, and you’re on bed rest.”
“I get pain when I stand for too long or walk too much. I didn’t have the issue with Blair, but I have with the other three. However, the condition doesn’t affect the baby. She’s fine.”
“You should still rest more.”
“Here, I can,” I explain while his hand remains on my belly. “But back with Neal, I couldn’t rest unless the kids did. Blair already thinks she has to help me parent. I don’t want to put more pressure on her.”
“You’re a good mother.”
“Most days. Sometimes, I’m selfish and just want to fuck about all day.”
“Soon, you’ll be able to.”
“Okay,” I say, resting my hand on his.
“Tell me why you hide. Where does that come from?”
“Why?”
“I need to know you’re not cold.”
“Do I seem that way?”
“Your husband broke your daughter’s arm yesterday. He hit you in the face. I killed him. You moved in here. Yet, you’re so calm.”
Resting my head against the back of the couch, I shrug. “When I was little, maybe around Blair’s age, I had these super friendly neighbors. I liked visiting their house. One night, when my parents were fighting and I got scared, I went over there. The woman was so nice to me. She wiped my tears and promised the storm would pass. Her husband made an extra burger for me. I felt so relieved to find a sanctuary.”
Recalling my old house, I haven’t been back there in more than a dozen years. The last time I visited was for my parents’ funerals. I’d looked at their open caskets and felt nothing. They were strangers. No, actually, they felt more like characters in a movie I watched as a kid. I remember certain scenes with them, but the overall plot faded from my mind long ago.
“The next time my parents were fighting, I came back over. She didn’t wipe my tears while he seemed sort of put out. They weren’t rude, but I sensed the change. I still came back one more time. My mom had slapped me after my father threatened to do it. They were escalating all night. I went to my sanctuary and felt like I’d walked right back into my own home. My neighbors were sick of my drama. They didn’t flat-out say that, but I knew by their demeanor how I’d become a burden.”
Silas glowers at my memory as if he’d punch my neighbors if given the chance. I smile slightly at his reaction before sighing.
“Everyone wants to believe they’re good people, even those who are awful. My parents didn’t think they were monsters. Most assholes don’t. My neighbors weren’t bad people, but their savior roles got boring. When they saw me around and I smiled a lot, they were friendly again.”
As my fingers caress his busted knuckles, I consider the many people I bonded with over the years. None of those friendships lasted. The only person who pretends to care is Aunt Darlie, but she’s mostly bored with her life and in need of entertainment. My shitty marriage was like a reality show for her.
“I haven’t been close to anyone except my kids in so long. I don’t know how to have girlfriends,” I explain before admitting, “Selene and Yazmin intimidated me today. I’m not close to any of the school moms. The Copper family isn’t liked in Beehive Ridge. Why would anyone want to be my friend?”