Watching her in the shadowed room, I get an uneasy feeling before muttering, “My legal name is Silas.”
“Does anyone call you that?”
“No.”
Landry finally looks around before reaching for the bedpost. I know she’s tired. I should let her sleep. However, I need something that she hasn’t given me yet.
“I’m going to call you Silas. Is that okay?”
Suspicious now, I ask, “Why?”
“My father’s name was Frank. Everyone called him that except my mom who would refer to him as Frankie. He wouldn’t let anyone else say that. Like Frankie was a special thing between them.”
“Were your parents happy together?”
“No, but I think if they did more things like have special names and less things like cheating and fighting, they might have been happy.”
Her words snuff out the raging fire in my chest. I watch her lean against the headboard.
“Do you think you can love me?” I ask in a soft voice while searching for lies.
“I felt so bad tonight at the clinic,” she says, finally showing a little emotion. “Like a loser for not protecting my baby. Blair barely cried. She wants to be strong. The older she gets, the less she admires me. I should know how to save us, but I don’t. Tonight, Neal never would have apologized. Tomorrow, he would have given Blair shit for costing him money at the clinic. Nothing would have changed.”
Landry holds my gaze and refuses to flinch. “You did what I never could. I don’t know if you’re a man I can love. I’m not sure I’m the woman you think I am. I don’t know why you picked me. I do know I never loved any of the men I’ve lived with. Not a single one,” she says, holding my gaze as she says those words. “I might not be capable of loving like that. You deserve honesty since you hurt Neal for hurting my baby.”
Her words calm the fears inside me. The Landry I fell for is a warm person who loves in a selfless way. I need that woman to accept and want me.
“My ex-wife lied and cheated,” I explain so she won’t think I’m poking at her for fun. “Nothing she said was real. You must never lie to me.”
“What if I want to protect your feelings?”
“I’d rather you be hurtful than lie.”
Landry’s gaze turns wary. “What if telling you the truth puts me in danger?”
“I didn’t kill my ex-wife. She wronged me worse than pretty much anyone ever, yet she’s still alive. I didn’t hit her or kick her or throw her through the window. I considered doing those things. When I found out she was a lying cunt, I was angrier than I’d been in my life. I wanted to tear her apart. But I didn’t. She’s alive and well and living in Arizona.”
“Maybe she knew she was going to hell and moved there as practice.”
I think about smiling and realize I don’t feel like it. “She followed her man. She gave up this house and my money to live in a dump and struggle.”
“Because she loved him?”
“Yes.”
“Do you miss her?”
“I wish she was dead, but I can’t be the one who kills her.”
“Do you still love her? Is that why you won’t kill her?”
“I don’t like killing women. They’re soft and weak. There’s no honor in smashing something so small.”
“Do you kill bugs?”
Cocking an eyebrow, I ask, “Are you trying to talk me into killing my ex-wife?”
“It might be healthier than whatever it is you’re doing with me.”