He probably had two or three women just like me. I was his work whore, and then he likely had one to help with his business. Maybe someone at the bank who loved his big cock.
Ugh. I couldn't think about that anymore. I needed to feel better, not feel like a slut he used and discarded when it became inconvenient.
Fishing through my purse, I found my phone and called the only person I knew in the world who'd be understanding and not make me feel even more foolish. Her phone rang twice and then she answered in her usual shy voice.
"Hello? Em?" Tia said tentatively.
"Hi, Tia. Are you busy? Because I could really use someone to talk to right now," I said, barely holding back the tears that threatened again.
"Yeah. What's going on? Did something happen? You sound like you're about to cry."
"I am. I just left my job, and I feel terrible."
"What happened?"
At that moment, I felt too ashamed to tell her the truth. Tia had always been the most understanding friend I'd ever had, but I didn't know how to explain that I'd let myself be fooled when all the while all I was to Mark was someone to fuck.
When I didn't respond, she said, "Did something happen with work? You were so happy at that job. What happened?"
Quietly, I answered in a way that didn't make me sound as stupid as I felt. "I was happy there, but I have to leave and things didn't end well."
"Why do you have to leave?" Tia asked. I hadn't told her about the clause in my contract, so I probably sounded like a crazy person leaving a job I liked after only a month.
"It's in my contract with the staffing agency. Long story. I didn’t realize it until a few days ago. The important point is I thought I had something good there, but then it turned out to be nothing special."
Tia remained silent for a long moment and then said, "You slept with your boss, didn't you?"
As tears began to roll down my cheeks, I admitted the truth. "Yes, I did. God, am I the dumbest person in the world or what?"
"Oh, Em. You've been listening to Maddie too much. What happened with her and Eric isn't going to happen all the time."
She was right. I'd let myself think that I would get to have the happy ending Maddie had with her boss, and what had it gotten me? Some great sex but little else. No declarations of love. No offer to stay with him forever.
Nothing.
I wiped my eyes and sniffled. "I thought he cared. I guess that sounds stupid."
"No, it doesn't sound stupid. I sounds sweet and trusting. You and I are like that. It's a good thing, Em, but it does mean we're apt to be taken advantage of far more often than women like Maddie and Cat. Don't beat yourself up over this. You can get another job."
"Yeah, I guess. Now that I think of it, the job wasn't much at all. Oh, God. He really was paying me to be his whore," I sobbed.
"No! Don't think that way, Em!" Tia cried out through the phone.
"I just don't know why people like us don't get that magical happily ever after. I thought maybe it was because we didn't go after it like Maddie, but I went after it this time and what did I end up with? A man who couldn't even be bothered to stand up for me when he had the chance."
"What do you mean?"
Wiping my tears away, I shook my head. "Forget it. That means nothing now. You're right. I can get another job. I don't know if I'll go through that same staffing agency, though. Mr. DeVille probably knows I walked out and wouldn't want to give me another chance at another position."
"Em, I know you well enough to know that if you walked out, you had a good reason. To hell with that DeVille guy anyway and his staffing company. Just because it worked for Maddie doesn't mean it's going to work for any of the rest of us. You'll find a great job. Don't worry. I know you will."
"Thanks, Tia. I needed to hear that. I'm going to crawl into bed and look forward to tomorrow being better. I'll call you then, okay?"
"Okay, Em. Don't give that man or that job another thought. You're better than both of them."
Her words made me smile, but I didn't feel better than anyone at that moment. I felt used and discarded by the only man I'd ever really wanted.
I curled up under my covers and tried not to cry, but it didn't work. No matter how I felt about Mark now, what hurt the most was that I thought we might have a future together.