“I also couldn’t afford to show weakness. I was lucky to have your uncle and grandfather there to support me. They stepped in where I needed and eventually, I realized focusing on you boys was the right thing to do.”
He’s talking about Uncle Lucas and my mother’s father. Uncle Lucas has been in my life for as long as I can remember. If Dad couldn’t be there for us, Uncle Lucas stepped in without question. At one point, my coaches at school thought he was my father.
I blow out a heavy breath and lean forward in my seat as I allow Dad’s words to sink in while I run a hand through my hair. I remember how hard it was for my brothers and me after my mother disappeared.
I tried so hard to understand why. How could she? She was always so loving. It never made sense to me. I don’t want that pain for my daughter.
“We were older than Bella. I don’t know what something like this will do to her. I’m trying to prolong things to make it easier for her.”
“Meanwhile, you’re unhappy,” Dario chimes in.
“Hello, kettle,” I mutter.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You’re in love with Carleen but won’t tell her. You’re not happy.”
“Yeah, well, we both know why I can never go there. You, however, can set yourself free and find someone who makes you happy.”
“If I do this, I’m doing it for Bella. I can wait to find someone new. That’s not a priority,” I say.
“It should be,” my father says to me before turning to Dario. “And why are you avoiding love?”
“Come on, Dad.”
“Don’t come on me. This life is lonely as it is. A good woman keeps you grounded. You’ve been taking on more responsibility. You can lose your humanity if you’re not careful.”
“Why is Nonno passing it all to me? Why not Gio? He’s the oldest.”
My father sighs and purses his lips. “Son, we all know…to get respect, you can’t have any weaknesses. Gio doesn’t hide who he is, and that’s…well, that’s a weakness your grandfather fears will hinder him.”
“You have to be kidding me, Dad,” I bite out. “Who Gio is, is what makes him the right fit. Do you understand your son?”
He scowls and narrows his eyes. “I know my son is complicated, but his complications aren’t meant to be in that world.”
“You mean, you don’t think a man like Gio can be alpha enough to run a crime family? Bullshit, Dad,” Dario seethes.
“Gio has to be one of the most ruthless men I know. Half of the families we deal with go through Gio for everything they need or want. Gio fixes everyone’s shit. If he took over, he’d already be a step ahead. Why force him to be my shadow?” I add.
“Why does everyone have to know? If he kept it to himself, your grandfather might reconsider. Yet he wears his lifestyle like a fucking badge.”
“Because it’s who he is. He’s not embarrassed to be himself. Who he’s fucking has nothing to do with how he would run the family. I don’t understand shit that’s coming out of your mouth.” I clench and unclench my fist in agitation.
“But you will understand when I put you on your ass if you keep talking to me like this.”
I take a calming breath. I’ve always known Gio’s lifestyle makes my father and grandfather uncomfortable. I accepted who my brother is a long time ago. His partners are always consensual and cared for, for as long as they are involved.
Fuck, if Gio wasn’t my brother, I’d fear him and Jace. Gio is a silent killer. He’d take care of some shit and you’d never be the wiser. I remember him stepping in to cover Dario a few times. To this day, I don’t believe Dario has a clue.
“All I’m saying, Dad. Gio isn’t the man you see him as.”
“I’ll do as I’m asked, but Gio would be a better fit,” Dario finishes.
Dad grunts. “With those parties he throws. It would only take one enemy to catch him with his pants down and the Di Lorenzo name would be ruined.”
I work my jaw. If I respond, we’re only going to knock heads. I have enough on my plate. I don’t need to start a war with my father.
“The Di Lorenzo name or Esposito? Your father is the only one who has ever had a real problem with Gio and his choices. You’re spewing the same bullshit that comes from Papa Esposito, not Nonno Di Lorenzo. He has always accepted us for who we are,” Dario presses.
I sense my brother’s anger, but he has already stepped up. There’s no need to keep knocking heads over this. Gio is happy with his life. I’m sure he’s happy to wash his hands of all of this. I’ve tried not to get sucked too far in. When I was younger and reckless, it fed a need inside me. After Bella was born, I found a new peace and calm that caused me to release the darkness my family’s name can bring.