“I saw your mother’s birth name in some other paperwork where it was explained that you initially were supposed to be placed in foster care, while she went to rehab. There was no adoption agreement from her. This was a totally different set of papers, in your father’s office. Then, I stumbled upon two sets of birth certificates. One was certainly fraudulent. Nothing I was reading matched what your father had told me. I was devastated. When he came home, I confronted him right away about the errors, and what I’d seen. Naturally, he tried to say it was clerical mistakes, but I had done some additional digging, and knew that Veronica, your birth mother, never willingly signed anything. He broke down then, confessing what really happened once he saw I already knew the key points. Now, if you still don’t believe me, Kimberly, here’s something to help you. Do you remember that time when your father was away in California visiting a friend? You were in the seventh grade. He was gone for over a month, and you kept asking me why Daddy was taking so long coming back.”
“Yes, I remember that.”
“He was there because I kicked him out of the house over this. I told him I wanted a divorce.”
Kim reached for her tea and noticed there was only a tiny bit left. She tilted the cup back, wishing it were wine. Perhaps whiskey or bourbon.
She remembered that time as though it was yesterday. Mom had been different. Her eyes had been puffy while Dad was away, but she’d blamed it on her allergies.
“He came home eventually, literally groveling. Begged me not to leave him. He explained to me in great detail what had happened with you, and he knew how much I wanted to have a child at that point. We’d been through so much trying to adopt, he felt like this opportunity had dropped in our lap, so he seized it.” Angelique reached across the table and grasped her hand. Kim looked directly in her eyes and witnessed pure desperation.
“You were thirteen, we were a family. I couldn’t…” She looked away briefly, then turned back towards her. “I couldn’t let you go. I loved you so much. I was and am your mother. You are my daughter. You had everything you needed and more. Yes, I knew it was wrong to stay silent when I found out the truth, to not go to an attorney immediately and explain the situation, but I was scared, Kim.”
She wished she didn’t care. She wished she could just toss Mom’s version of events out the window, but the more she spoke, the more plausible it sounded.
“I didn’t want you thrown into the system. That’s exactly what would have happened. You would have been ripped away from us, an investigation would’ve ensued, and I may not have ever seen you again. I didn’t want to lose you, and we were the only parents you’d ever known.”
Mom snatched her napkin off her lap and dabbed her eyes. The waitress began to make her way back over, but then must have sensed the tension.
“Everything okay?” she asked in almost a whisper.
At that moment, Kim recalled Jack’s words, when he mentioned what ‘okay’ could possibly mean. It all made sense now: living, as opposed to being alive. Who is really okay? What does that even mean?
“Yes, we’re fine,” Mom answered with a stiff smile. The server nodded then sauntered off.
“You should have told me…” Kim said weakly.
“I agree with you. I should have. I mean that. Now that I see the devastation this has caused, even if I didn’t confide in anyone else, I should have told you the truth way before now. It wasn’t right, it wasn’t fair to you.”
Kim figured that was the closest she was going to get to an apology, and in truth, it was more than she’d expected.
“I bet the fact that Veronica was on drugs made this easier for you to go to sleep at night with a clear conscience.”
“Yes, honey, it made an easier pill to swallow knowing that your mother couldn’t raise you anyway, and that she had a drug addiction out of this world, but I—”
“If Veronica had been just a poor Black woman with children, but no drug habit, and Dad had done this, and you found out in the same manner, would you still have kept quiet?”
Cleo Sol’s, ‘Don’t Let Me Go’ serenaded them while Kim recalled what it felt like to twist Mom’s hair around her finger and press her lips to her cheek. Big fat kiss goodnight… Bedtime stories full of winged silver and jade green dragons, pink big-bellied goblins, and girl warriors with kinky hair, wielding shiny swords. Happy moons, dancing fairies and princesses in vibrant pastures and gold castles that disappeared into the azure sky. Girls-only pedicures, shopping sprees to classy boutiques—and that one time she pointed at a mannequin’s boob and giggled. Mom giggled, too…