“Bad things?”
“Not so good.”
“Is it manageable?”
“They don’t know, so neither do I.”
“I’m sorry, Amos,” she said, her voice suddenly splintering with emotion.
Decker shrugged at the waves and her remark. “It’s not unexpected. Have to pay the piper at some point.”
“Doesn’t matter. You’re flesh and blood. You feel things. More than most.”
“The thing is, this case down here…it’s complicated.”
“Are any of them not?”
“I mean, really complicated. And I’m not certain…that I’m up to it.”
Jamison said nothing for so long that Decker thought he had lost the connection.
“I have to admit, that one surprised me. You always somehow manage to.”
“Not my intent.”
“Let’s get something straight. I don’t care how complicated the case is, you’re up to it, if you want to be.”
“And therein lies the rub,” said Decker.
“You once told me that without your work, you had nothing.”
“Which is pitiful in and of itself, I know.”
“I didn’t tell you that back then, and I’m not telling you that now. You don’t make widgets for a living. You find justice in this fucked-up world we all live in. You give the dead a voice. You hold guilty people accountable.”
“I used to think that. Now I believe I was just chasing something I’ll never catch.”
“You never used to believe that. I lost count of the number of times you told me that the only thing that matters is that when someone does something bad, they cannot be allowed to get away with it. Nothing else mattered, you said, if we let that slide. Because that one thing dictates the sort of world we will all live in. I know you remember that, even without a perfect memory.”
“Stop saying that, Alex, because nothing about it, not one goddamn thing, isperfect.”
“Which makes you just like everybody else. Look, I don’t know what was in the letter from the Institute and you don’t have to tell me. But if it is the worst, then you need to decide what you want to do. You’re the only one who can answer that question.”
“I…I need you, Alex.”
“The truth is, you never needed me or anyone else to do what you do. I was the sometimes helpful sidekick who basically stood there in awe of what you were able to do time and again. And while I can’t come back right now, Iwillcome back.”
“But what about this guy in New York? I thought it was serious.”
“The fact is, he wasn’t all he was cracked up to be. And I decided I’m not a big-city girl.”
She fell silent and Decker could only hear her calm, measured breaths, unlike his.
“I don’t know if I can do this, Alex.”
“You absolutely can do itifyou want to. And if you don’t want to, there’s nothing wrong with that, either. And I’ll be right there supporting you. But knowing you as I do, if you walk away now, whatever you’re feeling, you’ll wake up tomorrow ten times worse. I can’t say I know everything about you. No one really does about someone else. But I know you better than anyone else alive. And I know that I’m right about that. And so do you.”
Another long silence ensued.