Decker would have much preferred to come straight out and ask the guy, but he couldn’t. Right now, he didn’t know who was involved in what, and he didn’t want to give any of his suspicions away unnecessarily.
Natty rubbed the back of his neck and seemed to mull over the question. “She seemed a little jumpy lately. I just thought it was because you saw us together that day.”
“Well, you made it pretty easy for me. You just drove up and started yelling at me while she was in the car.”
At first Decker thought Natty might snap back at this comment, but he didn’t. Maybe Brimmer’s death and his wife’s kicking him out had changed the man.
“I was the big dog here, Decker, before you came along. I made detective grade before you, and great things were expected of me.”
“You did your job, Natty. You worked your cases, caught bad guys. Just like I did.”
“Come on. There was no comparison. You were born for this.”
“I’m not sure I was born for it, but right now it’s the only thing I have in my life.”
Natty looked pained by this simple, straightforward admission. “When your family got killed, I couldn’t believe it. I really couldn’t. Nothing like that had ever happened here. And then, and I’m ashamed to admit it, I relished watching you hit rock bottom. Every day you went lower and lower. And more to the point, you were no longer competition for me in the department.”
Decker said nothing to this.Hecould have erupted over this baldly cynical statement, but he chose not to.
“And then a funny thing happened. We weren’t closing nearly the number of cases we used to. And then the shooting at the high school happened. And we couldn’t make a dent in finding out who did it. And then you came and solved the whole thing.”
“I didn’t have much choice, Natty. Seeing as how I was directly connected to the ‘whole thing.’”
“But then you got the gig with the FBI and you were gone again. I did some cases with Mary and things were going okay. Maybe I’d get promoted up the ladder.” He paused and chewed on his tongue for a moment. “And then this thing with Sally started. It was stupid. We both knew it was, but we couldn’t stop.” He glanced up at Decker. “We only had sex a couple of times. I wanted to do it more. But Sally, well, she was funny about that.”
“You don’t owe me an explanation on any of this, Natty.”
“And then you came back to town and this whole shit with Hawkins started up again. When I saw you back, I just freaked. To be honest, I thought I was rid of you forever. And then there you were.”
“I came back to visit my family’s graves. I didn’t ask for Hawkins to walk up to me and say he was innocent. But for that, I’d be long gone from here, for at least another year.”
Natty cleared his throat and sat back. “I’ve been a cop longer than I haven’t been a cop. It’s become my whole life. I’m good at it, I think. But I’m not you.”
“No one ever said you were,” replied Decker. “And you wouldn’t want to be me.”
“Well, now Sally’s dead and my wife is gone. Luckily, the kids are pretty much grown. So, all I got is…this,” he added, looking around the room.
“When this case is done, Natty, I’ll be gone. You can have it all to yourself.”
Natty grunted and gave a hollow chuckle. “I’m finding out that my problems run a lot deeper than my jealousy of you, Decker.”
“Then face them and try to work through them. You’ve seen a lot of shit in your life. So have I. Life is never perfect. You make the most of what you have. You can sink into self-pity or you can rise above it. Why don’t you choose to rise above it, starting right now? And really think about my question about Sally. Was anything bothering her?”
Natty looked at him suspiciously. “Why do you keep asking that? Did you find something that…?”
“Sally had reddish hair.”
“I know that,” said Natty, looking confused.
“She ever wear a wig?”
“A wig? What, are you being funny?”
“No. A blonde wig, cut short.”
“No, why? Why would she wear a wig? Do women even wear wigs anymore?”
“I don’t know. Maybe some do.”