The next day, Heath’s leg continued to bother him. The picnic had taken more of a toll than he’d thought. Since his return home, Heath had not been on his feet for long periods of time. Evidently, he had to build his stamina up. If he was going to run the estate properly, he needed to walk the grounds. He hated being an invalid. Damned war. He glanced at the cane by the side of his bed with disdain. It would be with him always, a reminder that he was a useless cripple.
It was the first time, in a long time, that Heath allowed his melancholy to take hold. When he’d first realized he would have a disability, his thoughts had turned bleak, believing he would never have a full life. Then he’d travelled home with other wounded soldiers. Once he saw others were worse off than him, Heath knew he had to help them. During his stay at the hospital in London with his fellow soldiers, Heath had always been the cheerful one, offering a smile for his friends or a sympathetic ear. No one had realized that while Heath did care, it was also a way to deflect attention from himself. If he was too busy cheering everyone else up, no one would notice how scared or nervous Heath had truly been when faced with his future. Now there was no one around; no one to hide from.
Now he was alone, with a title he didn’t want and responsibilities he wasn’t ready for.
You have Kane.
The thought burst into his mind. No, he didn’t have Kane. He’d hired Kane to help him with his education and now the brewery, and nothing more. Kane would leave him eventually. Then Heath would truly be alone. The idea put him in a somber mood.
After breakfast, he met Kane in the study. Today they were going to work on the account books again. Heath still struggled with getting the columns to match. For some reason, the numbers just blurred until he couldn’t make any sense of them.
“Is your leg bothering you?” Kane asked as Heath sat down.
“Why do you ask?”
“You’re limping more than usual.”
He dropped into the chair. “Of course it bothers me. I had to go to that bloody picnic and pretend to be cheerful and sociable.” His words were clipped.
“If you didn’t want to go, then why did you accept the invitation?”
“Because they expected it from me. You know that.”
Kane lowered himself into the seat next to him. “Do you always do what’s expected of you?”
It was a challenge.
“I do what I know I must do. The country set expects me, as a landowner, to show up at these events. Wasn’t that part of our lessons? Social etiquette?”
Kane frowned. “I didn’t teach you to do something you didn’t want to do. Don’t put this on me.” His voice rose. “I saw how you were yesterday. You looked miserable standing next to Miss Wilcott. Christ, I thought you were going to faint.”
“I’m surprised you noticed since all your attention was on your friend.” Yes, Heath had noticed the pretty lady sitting with Kane and the way their heads were close in conversation.
“Miss Hearst is a teacher at the local orphanage, so we have something in common. I met her the other day in town. She is very nice.”
“I’m happy for you.” Now he was pouting.
Kane leaned back in his chair, studying him. Heath didn’t meet his stare. Lord, he was acting like a jealous lover. It didn’t suit him.
“Miss Hearst is a friend, nothing more. Besides, I am not attracted to her.”
“Why not? She’s pretty and must be intelligent to be a teacher, and you seem to find her company enjoyable.”
He chuckled. “She is all those things, but she is far from my picture of the ideal mate.”
This time Heath chanced a glance at Kane, whose stare had not left him. The urge to reach out to Kane was strong, to pull him close and admit to his lustful yearnings. But he did the opposite.
“I think we should get back to the accounts,” Heath said clearing his throat.
And just like that, they were back to business. Kane explained the accounts for the cattle stock, showing the price of purchase, the price for butchering, transport to market, and so on, but the numbers blurred together the harder Heath concentrated. He grunted in exasperation, shoving the ledger off the desk.
“Bloody numbers.” Heath put his head in his hands.
“Perhaps we will leave it for tomorrow.”
“It doesn’t matter what day we do it.” Heath threw his hands in the air. “I’m an idiot. I don’t think you can even help.” He was a failure. “This was a horrible idea. I should have relinquished my claim on the title and let it go to someone more adept.”
Kane put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “It will take some time, but you’ll get there. I won’t leave until I know you are prepared.”