“So, she’s okay. That has to be a relief, right?” She pauses. “I mean, she’s okay, right?”
“Far from it, I think, but if you ask her, she’d say yes.”
“It wasn’t a one-time thing, then?”
“No,” I say as a sharp pain rips through my chest. God, I’m an awful person. I just left her there without really talking about it. She’s been hurting for so long, and I left. I’ve been begging her not to run from us, and what do I do…
“Shit!” Lucy says, interrupting my thoughts and hitting the pause button on my downward spiral. “That’s horrible. But in a way, you should be happy. You don’t have to wonder about her anymore.”
I squeeze my eyes shut and run a hand through my hair, preparing myself for what I’m about to say. “I hated that little girl, Luce.”
She gasps at my words. “What? Why?”
“Because what I didn’t tell you about that girl, that day. What I kept hidden from you was…that all happened the day Dad died. I begged him to stop it, to save her, and he drove after them and died. He died!”
“Oh, Dylan. You can’t blame yourself for that. If anything, you and Dad are heroes. I can’t believe—”
What?“Why aren’t you upset about this?” I ask, now pulling my hair instead of just messing it up.
“Because I knew it was all the same day. I’ve always known. That’s why I always told you it wasn’t your fault. Plus, there’s nothing we can do to change that day. It’s done.”It’s done.Like it’s that easy to move on. This has been ripping me apart for years. I can’t just forget about it that easily.
I stand and pace the room as a thought comes to mind. “Do you remember where it was?”I’m definitely spiraling.
“What?” Lucy says incredulously.
“The accident.”She knows what I mean.
“Dylan, you need to move on.”
I grit my teeth, trying not to yell. “Just tell me, Luce.”
I can picture her shaking her head as she sighs. “Over on Everest Street, near the park. Does it really matter?”
“Probably not. I’m just curious. I’m all kinds of messed up over this, Lucy. It wasSummer.”
“I know.” She sighs again. “Come home. I’m still at Mom’s. I don’t want you being alone right now.”
“Thanks, but I’ll be fine.”
We talk for a bit longer, and then Lucy tries once more to get me to visit her at Mom’s, but I have other ideas. I text Nate, hoping that I’m wrong about the thoughts swirling in my head.
Me: What’s Thomas’s home address again?
My knee bounces up and down as I wait for his response, and as soon as I get it, I grab my keys and dart out the door, his text still fresh in my mind.
Nate: You mean his parents’ place? Everest Street. I think it’s number 46.
Fuck!
Chapter Forty
Summer
IfIthoughtmylife was a messbeforeThanksgiving, then it must be catastrophic now. In the space of a few days, I’ve gone from finally taking a step forward with Dylan, to losing him, with more than I can handle thrown in between.
Watching Dylan leave was hard. Even though I’d been pissed at him when he arrived, I wanted him to stay. Ineededhim to stay. Seeing him like that, so broken, ignited a fierce protectiveness in me. I wanted nothing more than to hold him close and take away his pain, pretending I wasn’t the cause of it.
I’ve never been on the receiving end of someone walking away before, and I gotta say, it’s not a great feeling. For so long after he left, I sat on the floor, numb, staring at the doorway. When I finally managed to move to the bed, my current location, I lay down with my arms behind my head and stared at the ceiling instead. Not great progress, but here I am.