Emma swallowed and let go. She knew that tone of voice. That was Jo’s network voice. If you didn’t know her, her voice sounded agreeable and warm. But Emma knew her. She knew it was distanced and fake.
She followed Jo into her office anyway and closed the door behind them.
“What can I do for you?”
Emma closed her eyes. Her breath hissed out of her nose. She pressed her lips together, planted her feet, and opened her eyes. Jo hadn’t taken her sunglasses off.
“We need to talk about yesterday.”
Jo nodded, jaw set. “We do.”
This was it. Emma was going to tell her—well, maybe not everything. She’d test the waters before she told hereverything. Emma took a breath and—
“My father has always made me behave in ways I shouldn’t,” Jo said. “I was unfocused and not thinking, and the situation it led to was inappropriate.”
Thesituation. Emma blinked.
“That’s not—”
“I apologize.” Jo smoothed her ponytail. “I won’t let it happen again.”
“No, it was fine.” Emma shifted from one foot to the other. “That’s what I wanted to say—I didn’t mind.”
Emma wasn’t done, but Jo acted like she was. “I appreciate that,” Jo said. “Not many people would understand my relationship with my father. If what happened yesterday had to happen with anyone, I’m grateful it was with you.”
She made it sound like it had been bad. Like she was embarrassed. Emma herself flushed at the thought. If Jo wasembarrassedover the almost kiss, Emma couldn’t tell her how she felt. She tried one more time anyway.
“I’m here for you,” Emma said. “Iwantto be here for you. With your dad or the network or anything. Whatever you need.”
Whatever you need.She willed Jo to understand. Jo took off her sunglasses, smiled with no teeth.
“I assure you, nothing of the sort will happen in the future.” She wasn’t using her network voice anymore. Emma had never heard this voice—like a blank white wall. “Is there anything more you want to discuss?”
If this was what happened when Emma tested the waters, she sure as hell wasn’t going to say anything more.
“No, Ms. Jones,” she said quietly.
Jo’s jaw twitched like she was clenching it.
17
JO
Jo had spent the previous night staring mindlessly at cooking shows on her TV. She ate three dinner rolls dipped in oil and vinegar and drank a glass of room-temperature water. She hadn’t allowed herself alcohol—she could hardly think as it was.
She wasn’t going to do better tonight, but she at least made herself dinner—frozen homemade enchiladas popped into the oven. She stuck with water while she ate, but it was staving off the inevitable.
Getting drunk was not something she did often, but it was something she would do tonight. She couldn’t stop feeling the ghost of Emma’s hand on her cheek. She blinked and saw Emma’s big brown eyes, deep and open and yearning. She put her leftovers in the refrigerator, put her dishes in the sink, then skipped wine and went straight to scotch.
It did the job.
It did the job of getting her drunk, anyway. It did not help with forgetting the way Emma had looked at her right before they almost kissed. They almost kissed. She almost kissed Emma, and despite knowing what a bad idea it was, sprawled drunk on hercouch, what she wanted more than anything was toactuallykiss Emma. Oh, she was in trouble.
Jo hated herself for putting Emma in that position. Emma, who had already been sexually harassed at work. Emma, who suffered through half a day of awkwardness before having to be the one to say they should talk about it. They did talk about it, which was good, even if the memory was like nails against the chalkboard of Jo’s brain. They’d addressed it, and Jo promised it wouldn’t happen again, no matter how much she wanted it to. She was humiliated. Emma shifting awkwardly in front of her, saying she was okay with it like it was part of the job. If the workplace hadn’t been hostile to Emma during the rumors, it sure was now, knowing her boss had tried to kiss her.
The rumors. They had to be to blame for Jo thinking about Emma like this. Jo had never been interested in someone she worked with, not since she was a teenager and Jane Fonda guest starred onThe Johnson Dynasty. Jo loved work, but it was work. She had never looked at a coworker with romantic intentions.
She thought of that picture that was still in her desk at work, thought of the way she was looking at Emma back in January. Sure looked like there were romantic intentions there. Or did she just think that because everyone else did? Did she only see Emma this way because it was how people thought she saw her?