“I’m fine,” Emma said, even though she wasn’t.
Jo smiled gently at her, and more tears leaked out of Emma’s eyes. She laughed at herself.
“I’ll be okay, boss,” she said. She sat up straighter. “Is there anything more to do today? Are they finished on set?”
“Emma.” The amount Jo was saying her name made her chest feel tight, especially with how she had called her Ms. Kaplan for most of the day. “They’re done on set. There’s nothing you need to do today except go home and take care of yourself.”
“Right,” Emma said.
Jo stood, and Emma did, too. She wanted to ask for a hug. But Jo was her boss, and they’d been talking about sexual harassment, and it didn’t seem like the best idea. Emma sort of shrugged at her instead.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, boss.”
“Have a good night, Emma,” Jo said. “Drive safely. If you need anything—if you want to take tomorrow off—anything, just let me know.”
Emma bobbed her head in a nod, gave a half wave, and left.
12
EMMA
Emma went home, unlocked the door to her apartment, locked it behind her. She dropped her keys and her purse on the table by the door, dropped herself in the middle of her couch.
It had been a day.
She stared blankly at her TV. Restless energy filled her body, but she couldn’t bring herself to move. She flexed her calves, wiggled her toes. She thought about this morning, how she’d tried not to fidget while waiting for Barry Davis to arrive. It felt like a week ago.
Emma rubbed the back of her hand hard against her wet eyes. She was so goddamnfrustrated. Women shouldn’t have to deal with this shit anymore. No one should. Everything felt dirty now. Emma’s favorite movies. Her dream to direct. Her workplace itself. She needed to shower.
She wiggled her toes more. Didn’t get off the couch.
He was one of her heroes. Twelve hours ago, he was near the top of the list of people she’d like to meet in life. Now she never wanted to see him again. Never wanted to think about him. Andyet he’d make more movies; people would continue to love him. If she stayed in the industry, she’d never escape him.
Ifshe stayed in the industry.
One day, and he had her doubting her dreams, her goals. She rested her elbows on her knees and held her head in her hands. Maybe she could learn how to bake, work for Avery for the rest of her life. She’d dropped out of film school, people thought she only had her job because she was sleeping with her boss, and she’d publicly challenged a guy who could make or break her career. How the hell was she ever supposed to become a director? She exhaled hard through her nose.
Jo would never let her quit.
Jo, who she wasn’t mad at anymore. Jo, who supported her immediately. Jo, who was a lesbian. Emma leaned back and kicked her feet up onto her coffee table. She bit at her thumbnail.
Jo had apologized. Sincerely. She apologized about how she hadn’t apologized at first. Emma hadn’t forgiven her when she’d said sorry yesterday, but today? Today, Jo had fixed all the reasons Emma was mad at her. Emma wondered if Jo was still at work. She should’ve stayed, made sure Jo left at a reasonable time. But Jo was an adult. She could get herself home. It was just that—well, maybe Emma wanted to take care of Jo.
No. Not maybe. Not anymore. Emma had saidmaybeshe’d had feelings for Jo when her mom had pointed out how upset she was about Jo being at the baseball games without telling her, but Emma wasn’t unsure anymore.
Today, Jo had made her feel safe and warm and cared for, and that was how Jo had made her feel for months now. Emma was finally ready to admit it, was finally able to see it. She wondered what her life would be like without the rumors. She and Jo haddefinitely gotten closer over the year, but that made sense—she had been just a props PA last year. She’d never worked closely with Jo, could hardly believe it when Aly told her Jo wanted to steal her away. But they’d been together constantly the past year, so of course they’d gotten closer. It wasn’t the fault of the rumors.
Neither were these feelings. Rumors didn’t make Emma feel safe around Jo. Rumors didn’t make Jo gorgeous and caring and kind. Rumors didn’t give Emma a crush. In fact, Emma probably would’ve figured her crush out earlier without the rumors. She’d been so focused on how wrong the rumors were, she’d never really considered that they weren’t wrong at all. Or—they might have been off base when they began, but somewhere along the way her feelings shifted.
Not that Emma realizing this changed anything. Jo was still her boss. She might care about Emma, might be taking care of her, but that didn’t mean there were feelings. This whole thing was about inappropriate behavior at work. Jo would never be interested in an employee.
Instead, she wanted to release a statement about Barry. She wanted to ruin his career. It sounded nice, maybe, getting some kind of revenge. Except he wasBarry Davisand Emma was an assistant everyone thought was sleeping with her boss. Who’d be believed in this situation? Emma needed to be realistic.
This was something that happened. For all the men who had gone down for it, Hollywood probably had thousands more who hadn’t. Who hadn’t gone down for it and who hadn’t stopped. They’d just moved deeper into the shadows. Even if people did believe Emma, would it be worth it? She didn’t want to be in the news or the tabloids or anything anymore. She was sick of it. She was sick of people talking about her and thinking they knew herandjudgingher. She didn’t want to bring any more of that on herself, didn’t want to bring any more of it on Jo. A statement would be bad enough for Emma’s career—a slut making false accusations about an industry golden boy. Jo didn’t need to be connected to that, too. She had pulled strings to get Barry to set. Emma didn’t need to damage Jo’s career along with her own.
Emma leaned back into the couch cushions and took out her phone. Usually she only read stuff related to the rumors if Phil or, rarely, Avery sent it to her. Googling her name brought up way more than she expected. There were articles fromtoday. She clicked one.
“How do they have thisalready?” she asked her empty apartment.