She looked at her feet, scuffing them against the ground. Jo had no idea what was going on in her head. When Emma looked back up, her eyes shone. Jo pressed her lips together.
“I—” Jo stopped. Swallowed. Wished this were easier. “Why...”
This time last year, Emma would’ve finished the sentence for her. Would’ve answered the question without it being asked. Even now, if this were about work, Emma would’ve already solved it. Jo knew she couldn’t make Emma be the one to deal with this, though.
“It’s past five,” Jo said, her voice flat. “I’m fine here. You can go home.”
Emma turned on her heels and went. NoBye, boss. Not even aGood night, Ms. Jones. The door closed behind her, and Jo dropped her forehead to the edge of her desk.
It was the right decision, she told herself, to let Emma go. Tonot explain just how much the kiss meant to her. But her heart felt like it was trying to get out of her chest, like it was connected to the woman who’d walked out the door and it was stretching to reach her.
Jo stayed facedown on her desk and called Evelyn.
“Hey.” Evelyn’s voice was as gentle as it got.
“Tell me what to do, Evelyn,” Jo begged.
“What have you done so far?”
Jo sighed and sat up. She leaned back in her desk chair.
“I bought the pictures and paid off the photographer,” she said. “I fired the leak on set—paid him off, too. And I told Emma all of that. And then I told her to go home.”
“Seems like you’ve made your decision then,” Evelyn said, like she didn’t know Jo was agonizing over this. “What part do you need help with?”
“The part where I want to go after her.”
She did. Desperately. But Emma deserved better.
“Go, then,” Evelyn said.
Jo groaned and put her forehead back down on her desk.
“Chasing her solves nothing,” she said. “It doesn’t matter if I want her, if she wants me. Just rumors of a relationship led to her being sexually harassed. Actually dating me would taint all of her accomplishments from now on. Everyone would think she only got them because of me. It’s not worth it.”
“Talk to her about this, Jo, not me.”
“Ican’t,” Jo insisted.
Emma could have convinced her of anything right now. Jo had to look at this with her head, not her heart.
“For God’s sake, Evelyn, I’m not even out.”
Ev scoffed. “You’re notoutout, but come on. The media already thought you were dating.”
“Yes, they did, and look how that worked out. Barry Davis sexually harassed Emma because he assumed she was already trading sexual favors for a job.”
“Barry Davis sexually harassed Emma because he is a disgusting creep. You don’t get to blame yourself for that.”
Jo would never stop feeling guilty about it, though.
She changed tactics. “What do I bring to a relationship? I don’t even know how to be in one. Why would Emma want to date a fortysomething who has no experience? I’veneverhad a long-term relationship.”
“Why don’t you ask Emma what you offer? See things from her eyes instead.” Evelyn sighed. “Jesus, Jo, you basically just admitted you want to be in a long-term relationship with her. Can’t you at least give yourself a chance?”
But if she ended it before she began, she could mitigate the hurt.
“If you wanted to be talked out of it, you wouldn’t have called me,” Evelyn said. “You knew my opinion when you dialed. You knew you were going to get nothing but encouragement. Are you sure you want to be talked out of it? Or do you think you’re lying to yourself?”