Emma couldn’t help but laugh.
“Sometimes things are hard,” Jo said. “Really hard. Sometimes you have to work at them. Sometimes you have to fail first. But that doesn’t mean they’re not worth doing.” She gestured wide enough that Emma pulled her wineglass closer on the table, just in case. “Go for what you want. No matter what anyone says, no matter what anyone thinks. I know you, Emma, and if you put your mind to it, you can doanything.”
Emma grinned. “Good pep talk, boss.”
Jo beamed at her. Emma’s heart did a somersault.
Jo had been in Hollywood for so long, she was probably quite used to modulating her behavior and expressions. Emma didn’t get to see Jo smile like this often, full and wide and without a self-conscious bone in her body. With it directed right at her, Emma couldn’t look away.
21
EMMA
They found their seats at the gate, though the flight was delayed further, and they still had time before boarding. Emma buzzed a little, pleasantly warm. She slouched in the chair next to Jo. Neither said anything. It seemed they’d finally talked themselves out. Emma people watched while Jo scrolled through her phone.
—
Emma vaguely registered hername being said, but it was too quiet to pay attention to.
“Emma, wake up.”
Emma turned her head. There was something soft against her cheek.
“We’re boarding soon.” It was Jo who was talking to her, she was pretty sure.
Emma blinked awake, realized she’d been leaning against Jo’s shoulder. She jerked herself into an upright position and rubbed at her mouth. She drooled when she slept sometimes, and if she’d drooled on Jo, she might have to kill herself. There didn’t seem tobe any drool on her face, though, and Jo was smiling at her instead of looking disgusted.
“I’m sorry,” Emma said immediately. “I didn’t mean to—I shouldn’t have—I’m sorry I fell asleep on you.”
“It’s fine,” Jo said. She glanced toward the desk at the gate. “We’re boarding soon.”
“Right,” Emma said.
She didn’t feel quite awake yet, still sleep warm and drowsy. The smile on Jo’s face was so soft Emma couldn’t stop staring at it. Jo caught her.
“You okay?” she said.
“What? Yeah.” Emma sat up straighter. “Yeah, I’m good.”
Their zone was announced for boarding. As they gathered their bags, Emma noticed Jo flexing her left hand, stretching the fingers wide, then closing them into a fist, like she was trying to get blood flowing to it again. Emma didn’t know what time it had been when she fell asleep. How long did she sleep on Jo’s shoulder? How long did Jo let her? She wondered if it meant something, or if she was just reading into it because she wanted to see her feelings reciprocated.
She kept quiet all the way through takeoff and hoped Jo assumed it was because she was tired.
“You won’t mind if I fall asleep, will you?” Jo asked. “Not all of us got our nap in yet.”
Emma gave her a smile. “Of course not, boss.”
“Wake me up if you get too bored,” Jo said, like that was a thing Emma would ever do.
Jo put on an eye mask and reclined her seat. Emma looked at her, glad she couldn’t be caught.
Jo was beautiful. Emma had always known that. Everyone thought so. It wasn’t strange to look at her boss on the red carpetand think she was gorgeous, because she was—like, objectively. But it felt different now. Emma looked at her, saw her long hair gathered over one shoulder and thought about how Jo only ever put it in a ponytail when she was stressed. Like when she was on deadline, at the office on a weekend wearing a crewneck sweatshirt but still in her skinny jeans, heels discarded next to the couch. Emma looked at Jo’s face and thought of the different ways she smiled, close-lipped mostly, but every once in a while that face broke into a true grin, toothy and glad. Emma looked at Jo and thought she was gorgeous in a way that had nothing to do with objective standards of beauty. Watching her sleep felt too intimate, suddenly.
This whole trip had a strange kind of intimacy. Maybe it was in all business trips. Emma remembered upfronts this year, Jo’s hand on her back as she struggled to breathe. She remembered Jo marching into her hotel room with pizza. The previous year’s trip to upfronts wasn’t like that, though. She’d explored half of Brooklyn by herself that first year, Jo nowhere near to feed her or comfort her or worry about her.
And even this year’s upfronts weren’t like this trip. This trip, where she and Jo explored Calgary together. Where Jo tightened her scarf and looked at her mouth. Where Jo let her sleep on her shoulder even though it was cutting off blood supply. Jo was casual with her the whole time. Jo smiled and laughed and asked Emma’s opinions on everything from the shooting location to what she should order for dinner.
Single Jo, who didn’t want to be Emma’s boss anymore. Emma wondered if she wanted to be more.